Work friends

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I work mainly with women and professionally my interactions are mostly okay. I've had a few social lunches outside of work with colleagues, but following these I am struggling in work to make the switch between sociable and professional with these women.

On the lunches I've done mostly okay, though I know the girls that I went for food with were miffed by my return to professional me on our breaks in work.
Can anyone relate to this?

I could, indeed.

I tend to have difficulty separating the "professional" from the "personal."

I am "me" at all occasions. I wonder if that fact has hindered me in some way.

I cant make that switch, at all.
Employee contracts seem to be renewed on the basis of demand and how much the boss likes you, I do my job well, but I have heard back that my boss doesn't think that I like her. I am certain that this is due to my lack of friendliness.
I think this is a how women relate to other women in the workplace barrier, the dynamics are subtle/nuanced.

I find it a little difficult to know how much friendly gab and socializing is the right amount at work. By watching what others do, I try to "guesstimate" how long I can pause to chat with the receptionist (a friend of mine) on the way into the office. But I do try to exchange a pleasantry or two with her every day.

I do think that part of office politics, and a good part, is sharing useful information (such as, people to avoid getting on the bad side of) with others in your informal network. It's hard, though, to know the difference between mutual assistance and plain old gossip. And is gossip always a bad thing?

I just don't know!

I find working relationships bewildering to say the least.
I'm currently suspended from work but don't truly understand why. A colleague with a trouble-maker reputation came into our office and started a row with another, over a very minor thing. Then he insulted this second chap. Voices were raised as the insulted man told him to leave,which was ignored. I told him to leave, I was ignored.Then he told one of two managers who were present that he was going home sick. He has done this literally dozens of times before. I told him he was a sciver and had engineered the whole thing so that he had an excuse to go home "sick". The two managers had to drag him out while he yelled threats at us. So all three of suspended. I was told the next day, a couple of hours after I had been talking to my supervisor and we decided we didn't want him in our office again, he's too dangerous. I was talking to someone about this a few minutes later. Admittedly my language may have been bad (I don't remember for sure). He made it clear he didn't want to know. In fact his reaction was quite strong. I left him for a while and for the next 15 minutes I tried to puzzle out how I had upset him but failed. I decided to apologise anyway, even though I didn't know what I was apologising for. He seemed to accept this. He even said "don't worry about it". Two hours later my manager tells me he's complained formally about me but didn't tell me what I had done wrong.
I always thought that I was on good terms with this man before. I just never saw this coming. It's very upsetting.

Looking, I'm sorry this has happened to you and hope your work situation can be resolved quickly with a favourable outcome.

Bea I don't understand gossip, I know what it is obviously, but I don't know what's ok to specifically say, or what should be left unsaid.
How much is too much information, what not to say to x person, what's harmless, what's damaging, does everyone get gossiped about, have I been told a private piece of information... I don't get any of it, also I just don't like gossiping because it feels bitchy.
There aren't any rules, it differs from person to person and context, the whole experience hurts my head.

I have a lot of trouble flipping between work me and friend me. I avoid most work get togethers and nights out anyway, but it is awkward figuring out how to be with people in different situations. I try to keep work and private life as separate as possible. Possibly not the healthiest choice and people do seem to take it personally.

^ I can relate to that, in the past I kept everything separate, but things have changed and I'm starting over without the work contacts that took me years to build. If I want more work, I have to 'do lunch' and be enjoyable company.