Parenting problems and strengths?

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I'm wondering how other aspie women cope with being parents.

I learned very early on of my difficulties With being a parent and would get massive rages (in private away from child) when multitasking. E.g trying to brush my hair while child cries for attention, wants to show me toy et) I can't really cope with the interruption. On days when I was the sole carer, to cope, I just stopped brushing my hair. Before working out that's what the problem was, I would just meltdown at the head rush resulting in screaming into pillows or slapping my head with the brush.

That's a silly but extreme example.

I can easily shut out children crying when they belong to someone else (like any other repetative noise) but I can't do that with my own. Most of the time I don't need to so can deal with the issue simply but when driving, I get the same head rush as described above and need to pull over or we'd crash. I know NT parents have difficulty with tantrumming children in cars but for me it becomes impossible and dangerous to drive.

When this happens I find my tolerance for other noise lowers and I cannot cope with the overstimulation of being in public. I dread my child getting to an age where she will have friends over for parties as I don't want to be seen to be the weird shameful mum.

I also worry that my inability to socialise in groups will disadvantage my child socially herself as we cant go to playgroups. I find the inane chatter so pointless (x-factor, I'm a celeb, eastenders, hot men, make up, being fat/thin blah blah)

But it's not all bad news. I've found my particular quirks have been really useful in parenting. My research obsession helped with so many practical aspects and having a child has helped me put aside (or rather ignore) difficulties such as imaginative play. As long as i have a purpose for it I'm fine. My purpose is my Childs development. Doesn't mean I don't feel really wrong and stupid but i know she is benefitting so I do it.

I know sadly I couldn't cope with two children so this is it for me.

How do other women cope with parenting? what hardships has AS brought? How has it helped you as a parent?

I tried asking on parenting forums but didn't get any responses as they were mainly concerned with autistic children not autistic parents.

I used to think I'd be a crappy mother if I have a hard time deciding what to eat, if I am too selfish to be willing to spend my money on others and donating to help out, if I would rather use the money on myself, if I hate being interrupted and if I am too stuck into what I am doing. Well as a parent I wouldn't mind spending my money on my son because I think it be fun and I want to take him to places, I would love to buy him books or toys and clothes so spending my money on him than on myself wouldn't be an issue. And I have enough stuff already anyway.

Lot of times he feels like a pet because he doesn't talk and he can't do anything except make noise and cry and poop and pee and eat and he pukes or spits up. So me holding him or feeling him is what I used to do to cats and dogs all the time as a young child. Except I don't do stuff to him I used to do to animals like pulling on their tails or throwing things at them, chasing them, screaming in their faces. I just take care of him and I can put clothes on him this time and he won't mind it. My cat hated this when I did it to her. I've tried doing it to my brother's cat and she hated it too. Then neither of them would let me because they fight and squirm so it was impossible to put clothes on them.


I sit with the computer with my son in front of me. I have him lying down on the boppy and sometimes he is nursing. Sometimes I have the ebook and I lurk online as he nurses. Sometimes I have him in the bouncer or swing. In his bouncer I sometimes use my foot to rock it up and down to keep him calm so I can have peace. I change him every 3 hours or so. When he wakes up and starts fussing I feed him. I also put him down to see if he stops fussing and sometimes he does. Sometimes I put my nipple to his mouth to get him to stop and he sometimes starts eating. I do different things. I am amazed how I can do all these things without struggling to figure out "oh what does he want?" I sometimes think if it's wired in my brain for me to subconsciously know what he wants because every guess I do seems correct and I didn't even think of it. Okay how did I know he was hungry? I didn't I just decided to put my nipple to his mouth to shut him up so I can have peace. But maybe it was my subconsciousness that did it, the mother instinct stuff.


But I have more patients when a kid doesn't listen when I tell them something because I don't expect them to get it because I figure their brains aren't that fully developed to comprehend or have the cognitive to understand. Maybe I won't get irritated when my son gets to the stage where he starts to ask dumb and repetitive questions I have already answered or he already knows the answer too.

But good news is as a parent you have control over how many kids can be over and for how long. I was thinking to not have my son have any parties but my husband is against that idea. Hey I had my own party once when I was nine and I hated it. And I was still happy when I didn't have them again. Same as having over bunch of people. Never had that either and I was happy without it, I didn't need it. I am thinking to not let my son have over a bunch of people and I am thinking not have my son and his friends be so loud.

Other things about myself, I don't know how I am going to be dealing with it in the future, if my anxiety is going to get very bad I would need to be on pills for it again. So far my anxiety hasn't increased with my LO.

I don't feel very guilty when he cries and it doesn't kill me to leave him crying for a few minutes to put a load in the wash or to eat. Maybe that is why I can still do things lot of moms say they don't have time for with their new baby. Most of them feel guilty when they leave their baby crying, same as when they can't always get to them on time or when they have to ignore it like when they change their diapers or get them dressed. I don't know if this is my AS that makes me not feel anything so I am able to do it without a problem. While lot of parents don't have time for things like cleaning, I can still get it done so I must be doing something they aren't doing. I always find ways so I think that came in handy for me as a parent.