Feeling really stupid and a bit sexually harassed at school

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Hi,

I would like to show an example of how a woman on the spectrum can get into trouble by not being quick enough to understand the jokes... For instance, this 21 year old kid comes up to me with a bunch of money in front of other people in music LAB today..at the Community College. I have a set of headphones that I use that belong to the school and I was working on a song and had them near me. (Backstory: I used to work in music retail and have sold 100's of pairs of headphones, microphones, cables, etc.. ) I keep wondering to myself and not knowing how to respond when he keeps showing the cash and asking me to buy a pair of headphones.. everyone is laughing at me.. As I'm walking out to the parking lot, I realize.. he was asking for "head"... I'm so stupid in A) not knowing what he was even saying B) not knowing how to stand up for my honor and C) joke back at the same time quickly... I can't tell you how many people had walked up to me with money asking to buy a pair of headphones over the years in music retail.. I feel so stupid, I didn't even say anything and he just stood there saying it again... loudly like he was joking.. The woman beside him said "hit him" like it was funny.. so, I pretended to hit him... but I didn't understand what was going on.. They aren't in a class, it's just open lab.. this school is horrible by the way..

Just the day before, I was in a class where the teacher is always saying x-rated things and he picks on me making me feel stupid off and on.. I hate him and the class. I arrived late once and had to sit in the back, but said that because of my eye surgery, I couldn't see the board very well unless I sat closer up.. I had to insist that I be allowed to sit further up. He joked about poking people's eyes out from then on.. Every week, he'd say something about ripping people's eyes out or about someone loosing an eye.. Well, yesterday, I wanted them to discuss MIDI, the subject of the class, but they were talking about something called "tantric sex".. I muttered something to someone to try and participate just long enough to try and get them to change the subject back to MIDI and I said.. Isn't that where someone doesn't really have sex and that it's more like sensual yoga? and the teacher joked about.. people could go for months not having sex bla bla bla.. and I'm waiting for them to talk about MIDI and then the next thing I hear is "A person could loose an eye".. and instinctively I say something like "Oh no, not the eye again!" because I was tired of him talking about poling people's eyes out after I complained about my own eyesite being blurry after the eye operation, etc.. I'M SO SLOW!! ! I didn't realize when he said "someone could loose an eye" that he was talking about having not had sex in a long while would cause the male to ejaculate so strongly into the "girl's" face that she could loose an eye... and there I was saying .. "Oh No, not MY eye".. I"M SO STUPID... and I've complained about this guy numerous times, but all the school does is hand out surveys for people to say what they think of the teacher. The problem is that it's mostly guys in the class and they love him..

Now, the next day some kid is coming up to me trying to see if I will give him "head"??? (I thought he was saying "headpohones") I HATE THIS SCHOOL.. I WILL BE SO GLAD WHEN I GET THAT DAMN CERTIFICATE.. I have been sexually harrassed like this my whole life.. I guess the guys just think it's funny.. I'm so slow that I don't even realize what the hell they are talking about.. They are trying to debase the only female or one of the few "smart" women who are studying audio engineering into feeling like a street whore or something??! !? This is exactly why there are SO few women in that industry.. This makes me hate men, honestly... I'm sorry .. to go on about this to the guys on this board, I wish there was a women-only forum for this type of discussion... This is so humiliating.. I wonder if that kid heard gossip from the other class that could have gave indication that I do stuff like that????? I'm so confused by people and their jokes.... I always end up being the brunt of the jokes.. That one class has made me hate school all over again and I doubt there will be any career for me in that field at all anyway now..

I think I would rather shoot a man than accept money to do some type of act like that.. honestly, I think I would rather put a bullet in his "head". I've really tried to do the best I can with school and had a 4.0 average before this semester. That one teacher has ruined it all for me.. I hate school now and feel like I should get a refund of my $400 I paid for that horrible class.. it's horrible... I tried to talk with my adviser about it and he just thinks I must be sensitive to cuss words.. I was trying to explain to the adviser that this guy talks about "crap" and excrement all DAY for almost the entire 4 hours of class with a little bit of "proper" instruction thrown in.. he's so horrible and disgusting.. I hate this teacher.. I really really do. I felt so stupid after I realized what he was talking about "someone could loose an eye"... I'm like, oh no.. not the eye again.. without realizing what he was referring to.. the sexual inuendo.. like all the other types of inuendo.. I just miss.. and feel so stupid.. Any confidence I had is gone again.. There's too much male-supremacy in that class and maybe in the area I'm living in in general.. Too many men look at women like they are their "Ho's"... it's depressing..

Anyway, I just wonder if women on the spectrum are subject to more harrassment than regular women.. I think they probably are and probably I'm going to guess that most women on the spectrum have many similar stories like this? I haven't checked out this forum very much at all and hope to read more of the posts in this Women-only section. I'm glad this is here.

Thanks for listening..

LG

Tell him that if he wants a whore, I canceled my appointment so his Mom has an opening Thursday at 4:00.

And about your teacher, just go right over his head to the dean and mention that you have a disability and that you are being denied priority seating. Say that it usually wouldn't be that big of an issue, but since he has been systematically harassing you, that you really must insist that you be allowed to sit up front, in peace, or you will file an official complaint.

Edit: Clicked on link from main page, didn't realize it was in Women's forum. Don't worry, I'll let myself out.

You seriously need to report this guy. Even if you're not a minor (it doesn't say), this is not appropriate behaviour for a teacher.
You most likely have enough to deal with without having to worry about a teacher as well.
Do something, please.

I went through something very similar to what you are going through felinity. At one of my first jobs I was constantly mocked by the guys. I never caught on to jokes fast enough and and people thought I was stupid. I was a religious person back then too and people would purposely say filthy, sexual things to me because of it. They would insinuate that I was gay. I would have defended myself if I could tell they were being mean to me, but I usually didn't catch on till later. How I wanted to punch one of those ***holes.
It was truly one of the worst times of my life .

I know that this is supposed to be the women's only forum, but I thought I could help.

Wow, I must be really slow because even after you described the meaning behind his sexual comments, I still didn't get the joke.

I feel really bad for you. That sucks.

In regards to the teacher, as said before, I would go straight to the dean. If you want anything to get done nowadays you have to go to the superior of the person in question.

I'm about 95% sure I'd so the same thing as you about the headphones thing. I wouldn't catch on. Thankfully I can only remember one occasion where something like this happened. I was 14, the new girl in the class, and had just gotten a boyfriend. There was a girl in one of my classes that had a crush on him and started asking me about his "size" in a class. Her girlfriends thought it was super funny. I had no idea they were referring to his privates. I thought they were referring to the fact that he was a pretty big guy in terms of height/weight. I didn't figure it out until a couple days later when I was thinking about it. So yeah I know exactly how you felt. "how can I be so stupid..."

I miss innuendo like that all the time, too, but at the same time, I'm hypervigilant and sometimes see it when it's not there.

Sometimes playing dumb is the way to go, though (in class, that is - then after class you report it). Here's a story.

My uncle was working in the north as a geologist, and this one helicopter pilot kept making inappropriate comments about the bodies of two female geologists. So one day they all get into a helicopter along with a geologist from some country in Europe where they don't speak English, and he's really working on his English, taking notes every time someone uses a new expression. So the pilot says "nice bit of tail on that one, eh?" and the foreign geologist whips out his notebook, writes down the expression, and innocently (and persistently) asks what it means. The pilot is squirming with embarassment, and the other geologists got a good laugh about it. True story.

So if someone offers to buy headphones from you, you whip out a business card, say "I don't sell them anymore, but go see ** at Future Shop" (or wherever) and write the name of a salesperson down on the card. Then add in a tip about brands in a very serious tone of voice, and there you go.

In general I play dumb since I can never think of anything effective to say.

In my experience the entertainment industry is very sexist. Good luck, and network with other women lots!

I'm sorry to hear about this. I'd report these bastards, bullying and harassment is NOT okay.

Ive been sexaully harrased by older boys since i was 11 but even before then. Then in highschool other boys was always trying to feel me up and referred me to being christina applegate or that girl off married with children that acted like a dumb blonde.
Then i got a bf and i heard him saying to his friend "She is like a dumb blonde isnt she" and referring me and my body to being like pamela anderson and it really pisses me off because i am not like a dumb blonde and i am very intelligent. I am just slow to get jokes.
Now I am older i thought i would help out with scouts and the leader kept saying sexual innuendo to me and wanted me to get a room by myself. Then when I was alone in the Womans only cabin!
I was laying on my bed writing and he come up and put his arm around me and i said "give it a rest would you" and he goes "sorry" and then he kept perving on my ass as he walked off.
He was married too.
Anyway if you can learn how to handle sexual harrasment when you are younger "Do!
I have learnt to keep secrets since i was really little and I dont report anything. I am used to just sticking up for myself but it doesnt make it stop. People just end up thinking your a psycho b***h.
Please report sexual harrasment

Yes one of the teachers used to say things like, 'close your legs i dont wanna see what you had for breakfast'

Definitely report it. That kind of behaviour is incredibly unprofessional and definitely not on in a school environment - sounds to me like someone needs to pull him up on it, shut him up, or have him suspended from teaching. I know it's hard, but go to the dean - or someone even higher than that if they won't listen - and file a formal complaint. If they try and brush you off or think you'll go away, keep at it, insist on filing it, stand up for yourself, and go to the headmaster if need be. Just make sure they listen - there are channels you can go through, you ARE in the right, and they need to be pulled up on it or it'll keep going on, not just to you but to other girls in the future who are unfortunate enough to have him as well.

I'm 13 and I get sexually harrassed at school too, by all the boys who think their funny.

There was an incident at camp with school, when we had a disco on the last night, and my mates had given me a makeover, and this irritating boy came up to us and said something about his "snake", which I understood to mean his penis (though my mate took it literally, and she's NT, LOL). So I basically told him to screw off, etc.

Half the time the boys, and the girls who witness it, just think it's this huge joke, which I find insulting, because that's like saying the idea that someone may actually like me, instead of just taking the piss, is hysterically funny. Thanks a freakin' bunch.

I do understand the sexual innuendo, however. People say I have a dirty mind, lulz.

Also, there's a rumour going around that I'm pregnant, for some reason, which is BS. God knows who dreamt that one up, some random Year 11 just said to me today, "I heard your pregnant!" and I'm all, "Y'what?"

Here's an idea. Buy one of those voice recorders, put it in the front pocket of your bag, and turn it on just before class starts. Then you have some concrete evidence.