Offended by superficial male attention?

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I have tried to explain my feelings on this subject to several of my female NT friends, and was met with a complete lack of comprehension - I thought maybe I would ask here and see if anyone could identify with this.

Does anyone else get irritated and flat out offended by men who express an interest in you when they have had no opportunity to discover anything about you apart from your appearance?

Example: I went to a house party with a friend, and gave a lift to a male workmate of hers. Since I was the DD, I was sober and this party turned out to be a house rave, and everyone was off their heads with pounding dance music. Being fairly typical AS, this was SO not my scene, so I was immediately grumpy, but to try to avoid ruining it for others I bit my tongue and stayed out of the way - although it was pretty clear I wasn't enjoying myself. I managed a total of about six awkward, shouting (I have APD too, fun fun) minutes of conversation with my friend's male workmate over the course of the whole evening, during which I basically expressed that I had a headache, was quite tired, but was fine, thanks, so to stay as long as he'd like, I would wait. At the end of the night, he enthusiastically expressed an interest to see me again, wrangled my number off me, and then called me several times over the next few days.

I didn't return his calls because I was so insulted that he had judged me so superficially: I had certainly revealed nothing of my personality except minor irritability (and who finds that attractive?!?) so his evaluation of me must have been based entirely on my appearance - and his interest in me was pretty obviously more than mere friendship.

This happens to me relatively frequently, considering how rarely I mingle with strangers. I do recognise that in a way, it is flattering, but I don't know - it just irritates me intensely.... Am I alone in this? Is this a completely illogical and ridiculous reaction?

Not really.

Yes, not all people get to know each other right away, he engaged you with some superficial chat, got your number and was hoping to get to know you better. Not only that not everyone prefers the intellectual approach to get to know people, some people just want to hang out, shoot the breeze and have fun.

If you really didn't want to talk to him, you shouldn't have given him your number. It was a bad idea all around to do so if you don't really want to talk to him. When a person is irritable that irritation and agitation can sometimes tend to distort their perception of the situation. You're not seeing the forest from the tree's here. In the small time he met you, he merely wanted to get your number to attempt to get to know you better.

Or he actually likes irritable women.

I don't get offended, I just laugh at their rediculousness. Yeah like I'm just going to jump into bed with some guy I met on the street while walking my dog! You may think I'm pretty.. I just think you're a sleezeball lol. It just really amuses me that they actually seem to think there's a chance of it happening.

For example the man mentioned above was just a random man, nothing special about him. He struck up a conversation with me about my dog and I talked to him for a while because I have no problems with courtesy and then he mentioned mating the dog and I said 'No can't, he's nutered" and he looked at me, did the up and down look thing, leaned in and said "How about you and me?" and I seriously felt like laughing so hard. I mean.. people actually say that kind of stuf????

It was the fastest way to get rid of him at 4am with a migraine, and he caught me completely offguard. I do not think fast on my feet, and I just wanted to get out of there and home to bed.

I found it aggravating that his judgment was so superficial - and it wasn't an isolated incident. I was just wondering if anyone else had ever felt this way - when I think about it passively I can understand that it isn't that odd, I suppose, but when it happens I can't help but feel really objectified and cheap. <shrug>

Haha! Possible, and very sad for him if so!

In support of the males out there you really should not be to hard on them/us as we are not taught very well by society as to how to act or care since we're supposed to instinctively be 'men'. Unfortunately there is no guidebook about how to be a man so we pick up clues from society as we go along growing up and sometimes we miss the mark.

....I'm not sure I'm being too hard on men in general. I'm not so much annoyed at men, as wondering if anyone else felt similarly about being hit on by them.

I'm sometimes interested, sometimes bored, sometimes entertained. It's difficult to hold other people's appearance-based interest against them, since it's their nature. In adulthood, only one has approached me for anything other than this. Am sometimes intrigued when remembering how they'd no idea they were propositioning a mostly male (gender identity).

To be honest, I think you're the one being superficial. It wasn't like this was some random guy cruising by in his car and shouting obscenities at you - you met him, talked a little at the party and in the car, and for one reason or another, he enjoyed that brief time with you. From his perspective, you're someone he might want to get to know better, but this is a random, possibly one-off encounter that's not conducive to more involved conversation. He either asks for you number, and maybe something develops, or he doesn't, and possibly never sees you again. If he'd been some completely random person walking up to you and asking for your number and being all sleazy, I could understand, but he had at least an hour to observe you and occasionally talk to you, and you let him know on a couple of occasions that you were a "friendly presence" of sorts. You gave him a ride, talked a bit, and he probably enjoyed that brief chat. Then you tell him you'll stick around as long as he wants, even if you're clearly not enjoying yourself, so you're clearly a nice enough person to go out of your way a little bit for someone you barely know. He's probably thinking you're willing to do that because you don't want to be an as*hole, but might suspect that it's because you think he's at least an OK person. He talks with you a little more, sees how you hold yourself at the party, and maybe thinks you seem pretty cool, all things considered. He doesn't know a lot, but figures he might want to get to know more, so he asks for your number...and you give it to him, pretty much telling him that you think he's an OK guy and you wouldn't be opposed to getting to know him, either.

Unless he made some really nasty sexual remarks, or you kept to a monosyllabic vocabulary the entire night, I think you're being kind of unreasonably harsh.

That last post is interesting in that this should not be a female only impression as many gay men are in a similar circumstance.

We all spend countless thousands of hours in school learning stuff but almost no formal education or training in how to relate to other people since it is 'expected' that it will all just work itself out through 'instinct' somehow.
I for one would have enjoyed a class in 'how to talk to a girl' for instance.

Devils advocate here:-
Loud awful party you are obviously not enjoying...he may have realised it was hopeless to get to know you in those circumstances and wanted to actually talk to you in a better environment where you could have some kind of conversation.

Then again, I have no problem with superficial...it's people taking too much of an interest and worse still, me attempting to communicate with them that causes the problems

Everyone has been in similar circumstances or worse. I'm a heterosexual male that's usually been hit on by gay men or teenage girls, but I generally am polite about shooting these people down unless it gets out of hand. The situation described by the OP strikes me as completely innocuous. The time I went to a party, drank too much, fell asleep on the couch, and woke up to find a gay man putting his hand down my pants and trying to jack me off? Not so innocuous.

If my typing was faster I would have realised Irikarah had posted a much more elegant reply, with similar sentiments.

Sorry!