I posted this on Brain Talk: Aspergers

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I posted this onto a mainly parent-frequented forum for Aspergers. It was in response to a parent posting the dread that they just had their son diagnosed. Please forgive the slight sappiness of it but I figured most mothers really love that anyways. Read around the sappiness if you can:

I didn't think it was sappy, and I'm glad that you posted it, but I don't like sappy at all. It wasn't sappy, it was true.

I think that those parents will listen. If they don't now, they probably will later. It is just the initial shock of their child's diagnosis. There is generally a grieving period after receiving news like that. I grieved more than my parents did when I was diagnosed, but I got over it.

I didn't grieve at all when I got my diagnosis. I was too busy being excited at finally knowing why the first 40 years of my life were so difficult. That was almost 5 months ago. Now that the thrill of discovery is gone I get a bit depressed at times. Not specifically because I'm an Aspie, but because I expected the knowledge to give me some added capability to deal with situations better and it hasn't. For example, when I was young I was afraid of the dark. Then (once I was convinced monsters didn't exist) I was able to rationalize away the fear by reminding myself it was all in my head. The knowledge set me free. In the case of AS, one problem is that I can't make eye contact with people. For some reason, I guess I assumed that once I had a diagnosis I would be able to say "oh, that's just AS, so why don't you just ignore it and look them in the eye anyway" but that doesn't work. In some ways, confusion has given way to a sense of being powerless and that really bothers me. On the other hand, I've learned to appreciate the things I *can* do. I have always had a hard time making friends (actually, I make friends very easily but can't keep them), so now I value them all the more because I know losing them is usually my fault. In so many ways, it's like realizing you're gay -- you worry about what it means and how it will affect the people around you, but eventually you realize it's just part of what makes you unique.

I can't honestly say I wish I was NT. In fact, I'm fairly certain that I would have hated being NT. I took the road less travelled, even if not by choice, and that *has* made all the difference.

i could have written exactly what Jetson did (except i'm a hetty).

i get frustrated by not "getting things", every day, but at least i now know it's not cos i'm stupid, it's cos i haven't picked up on something.

i always wonder where the support is for parents of kids with ASD - after all, no-one gets training in being a parent.

Have gotten one positive response so far from a parent who unknowingly adopted an Aspie (she was diagnosed later on):

...

I thought your post was good Sophist. I too don't believe in getting rid of Asperger's, despite its problems. I would probably be more of a follower than I am now, would have a very busy and stressing life with my 100 friends (or just a lot of friends), and probably interested in waaaay different things than I am presently.

Sophist I think you post on the parents forum was the right thing to do. I do not know why people think of aspergers in such a negative way. I think it is them that make it seem so negative and make people with aspegers give up alot of the time. When I think that aspegers is just a differen't way of thinking and in my own personal opion its a better way of thinking.

I think that aspergers can look at things in unique and new ways and if they were give the chance could discover so much that NTs are blind to. There always seems to be this thing NTs seem to bring up over and over again that Aspergers are unable to understand things properly ever and they keep telling me to give up. But I think asperger people can look at things from really truer prospective with out all this ignoring of the details and emotional clouding.

To be honest I think that Aspergers are better people, smarter and more interesting that NTs.
I know alot of people don't feel this way and that my opions about alot of things are unique even amoung aspies.

My parent helped me when I was young and got diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy. They themselves made sure I got to the right doctors got the needed medications that I needed. They did all that they could to encourage me to do other things in my life. They are the ones that made sure I understood that too. Now since I been diagnose with AS they still try to encourage me I think to be myself so. That is the way they just are the whole family is that way and it has been a big help for me.

I generally actually hate sdappy but this one I'll make an exception for. Good job!

*curtsies*