My mom spent almost all evening telling me how bad I am

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having aspergers is not a get out of jail free card, meaning you can do anything wrong and say "it's because i have aspergers i can't help it". Like social skills having aspergers means it is difficult for you to socialize it doesn't mean it's impossible, if you are doing something wrong then you need to try and fix it, otherwise you will never succeed

I have to ask, is this the first time that you've brought up the subject of AS with your mom Mw99? If it is then I'd have to say that her reaction was relatively normal for a mom. I think everyone is getting a little presumptuous with all of the abusive mom theories without knowing more details. If this is a new idea to her, then she needs some time to digest it, and to learn about it.

MM, I don't like most people and I have no desire to lecture an aspie. I'm pretty sure that she is taking advantage of your aspie characteristic (opportunity knocks) to get in some free licks and kicks.

I guess your mom wants to hear that you are making an effort to deal with your mental problem the best way you can.



That's not the only thing that can be done. It may scare you mother to think that you just give up dealing with it. Show her you are finding out how to deal with your problems. Ask her to help with this.

Last edited by starling on 13 Nov 2007, 1:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I just had a yelling match with my mother over the phone about six hours ago. She also thinks that I don't have AS. I asked her if she'd done any research or even accessed any websites to find out what AS is, she said no, she didn't need to because I didn't have it. She once saw a kid with Asperger's and he was a screaming, crying mess who was non-communicative. I wasn't like that, so I must be making this all up.

You're not alone Mw99. Some people can't be reached and then you have to cut your loses and just let them be the way they are.

Have you considered the possibility that your mother might have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

I guess I was fortunate in this regard. My mom shopped around for pediatricians until she found one who actually knew what autism is (keep in mind this was the late 1980's), and pushed for my diagnosis. A few years later, my mom herself was diagnosed with AS, and my brother with autism (he's non-verbal).

As for anyone who thinks like some of these mothers i hear about, tell them this little bit I paraphrased from a Matrix quote:

I see you have edited the message. You added:

That probably isn't for the first time What I see is a mom in denial. I don't read anything that would make me think that your mom is bad as someone with NPD. I would say that she's frustrated. All her life she's trying to 'repair' the things that don't go well. Then you tell her it's a disorder and nothing can be done about it. How old are you? All the time of your age has been useless effort. That's what you tell her. You have to give her some time to get used to it and to find good sides in it.

Therefor I think you should ask her to help you to deal with you problems. That way you make her part of the solution and give her a better feeling about it. It's more constructive.

Actually, I wouldn't say you have a "mental problem," I'd say you're just different. It's not your fault, and it's not your mother's fault either. The best thing to do is to try to learn to appreciate yourself, without really worrying what others think of you. It's really important, and I have very similar troubles to what you're going through.