On faking NT

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I think this is what occupational therapy is. Or at least part of it. That is learning how to react properly, what to say and when. I'm in the middle of a program to get OT even though I am a aging Aspie and not a whippersnapper. I was also told they need to teach me some organizational skills.

I suggest going to your public library and reading all those "how to be a gentleman" books. Yes I know you are a lady. But those gentleman books are a source of good social behavior skills and proper conversational skills. They have more books for men on that than women. Though you might look in the women's studies section for manners and etiquette books just in case.

I also suggest reading the American columns in newspapers like Dear Abby because it can give you clues to proper behaviors. You can find columns such as Dear Abby online without buying a newspaper.

I have been in similar situations as described in the first post. I decided to "study" the people around me to better respond to them. Though, I would still get confused a lot. I just didn't know how to react and people would always "exploit" that about me. I tried not show I was different, because society around me just kinda demanded it -- different is bad. So, I studied people and yet people still confuse me. I have learned that I can't act like NTs so I don't anymore. Society needs to change, not me.

I've gotten pretty good at faking NT for short periods of time (usually the span of the average work day). When I am in this "faking NT" mode (which pretty much engages whenever I am in public), I can hold small talk, show inflection in my voice, emulate limited body language, make eye contact for split seconds at a time, and control my frustration outbursts. In addition, the one visually blatant stim that I do (flapping both hands behind the head) is slowed down to the point where it's just the hands behind my head, which gives off the appeareance of someone who is really calm and relaxed in a given situation.

There are some drawbacks, however. If I am forced to remain in public for more than 12 hours, I get burned out really quickly. It also doesnt stop the panic attacks I may have at any given point (although I remain aware enough to be able to excuse myself and let it run its course). Finally, this whole setup will immediately fail if I find myself in a romantic context.

And while this helps me get through the day, it still all feels like one huge lie (as other people with similar experiences have been saying).

The most difficult is in important situations, such as a conversation with the boss.

When NTs want to say A, they say B. If one said A directly, it would be interpreted as C.

Example:

Boss: Why do you work so many hours? Why do you have so much work?

Me: [........don't know what to say, because I only know the A answer ("Well, because you fired Sue and now I'm doing my job + hers"). But if I say the A answer, he'll think I'm weird/rude. So I try desperately to find the B answer which will make him interpret A (which is what I want to convey). I can't find it, so I end up either agreeing with him that there's no reason why I work so much, or I just shut up, or I say some A answer that gets me the weird/rude label.]

I generally can't...ok..maybe when I have to be around Flakey's family....and I guess I need to when dealing with our prospective new landlords...but I will still pace wildly about...stim alot...barely make eye contact....say things that I probably shouldn't....cringe when going over the daunting details and whatnot......it is very draining.....i an not very good at it....i dread these occasions and when in them, am consumed with the desire to flee from them.

I used to fake it, all the time. I didn't want people to think that there was anything wrong with me. Now, I just be myself and most people don't have a problem with it.

I can't "fake" it as I lack the ability to interact socially with people I don't know.

I don't want to interact socially with people I don't know, so it's all cool.

if I didn't fake (practice, practice my way to Carnegie Hall), I would be totally nonexpressive even on this board. I probably wouldn't have internet or cable tv access either. I'm really glad at discussing low culture media ever since I sat through my brother's choice of movies and comic book conventions and realized how good I was at faking interest and making conversation. I can talk about anything but unfortunately that doesn't make me more NT. My original inner aspie without discipline and restraints might just say I am bored and uninterested. I don't care.