Eye contact or just a blank stare

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So after a lot of insisting on part of my mom and my doctors and quite some practice now I can look at people I trust when I try. But for the life of me I can't see the point of this. Is it just to make the other person feel better? Because I sure don't get something out of it. I can't read a darn thing except if there is a huge smile(and even then I don't know whether they're happy or joking or if they are laughing at me) or big frown on their faces.

And you know what is the funny part? I got an above average score on the eye test. though most of it was by logically ruling out options. But most people don't stay still with the same expression on their faces like pictures and they definitely don't give you a number of options to rule out the less likely ones from, do they?

Also, if others are so good at reading eyes can't they tell I'm not making sense of theirs? And that It totally distracts me and keeps me from actually paying attention to them? Can't they see my discomfort?

Apparantly eye contact is seen as confidence in what you say, a sign of trust, and polite. I hate doing it, but people are less irate when I do, and I annoy in so many other ways. I can make contact with the people I can trust, others I tend to manouvre myself beside them and then talk, no eye contact required, kind of like being in the car. That way you can move your head in their general direction, without drawing attention to it.

It seems to be how they know that the other person is actually listening to what they are saying, or is being open and honest. Turning your head away is a sign of lack of interest, or trying to hide something.

I really am unsure as to why, but it just seems to be how it is for most... People tend to trust open people a lot quicker than those that appear closed off, as I guess they assume that it reflects one's personality.

I have that same problem. My parents always told me to look people in the eye. i was never conscious of it until someone pointed it out. I just taught myself to look people in the eye. I dont really enjoy it, but it is for their comfort. Its a little intense for my comfort, and i glaze over. I am just good at hiding it. I cannot focus on what someone is saying if i have to focus on the eyes. Its overstimulating as heck. Not sure of exactly why, but it is too intense and i cant focus, almost like i go into a trance.

The idea of determining truth is a MYTH! You could lie and have them believe or vice/versa.

lol, EXACTLY. That always drives me nuts when people say "look me in the eye if you aren't lying"... they don't take into consideration that it really doesn't tell anything at all. There are plenty of pathological liars that can look someone in the eye while they lie, and to be honest, if I was lying to someone, chances are I would look them in the eye while doing in rather than all over the place while I'm telling them the truth.

But they still look for it, for reasons unknown to me, lol, it seems to be an important way to tell for them, or at least they like to think so. They take it as shifty behavior for some reason, so they think one is a shifty person if they do not maintain eye contact, or they are closed off and hiding something. I really don't know why, but that is the response I have gotten from most that I have asked, or it is what I have overheard from people talking about others lying. "I could tell he was lying because he wouldn't look me in the eye..." it's goofy, yes, but it's true that it is what they look for in determining.

It seems they'd trust more, the person who comes across as if they would tell them their entire life story upon first meeting them, etc., and they'd be attached to the hip, rather than the person that cannot maintain eye contact. Personally, I'd be more leery of the first one, lol.

I watch America's Next Top Model because of Heather, she's aspie. I like what she did....she was asked how she was able to look right into the eye of the camera and she said that she's an artist and that she draws faces, well faces have eyes, have to draw the eyes. Maybe if you all practice drawing eyes it won't be so hard to look into them????? I don't know...worked for her.

i always feel threatened when i look people in the eye. like they're mad or they're going to attack me.

sorry to piggyback on your post but it caught my attention, my son has been diagnosed and i try to ensure he makes eye contact when i tell him something important, does this defeat the purpose?
why is it hard to make or maintain eye contact?
overstimulation?
is it easier to listen while looking away?
thanks

A LOT of times when people ask me to look in their eyes, they ask me a STUPID question where I HAVE to say a non truth. Some questions can NOT be answered yes or no! I TELL them, but they INSIST! I figure if they INSIST on a given type, why not a given answer? If a given answer, WHY ASK?!?!? SOMETIMES I say the best thing, and sometimes, out of SPITE, I say the worst. In either case, I view it as a lie. They NEVER catch it! But I really DO hate looking people in the eyes. I don't really know why. I NEVER generally look people in the eyes. It is either like I am looking at the face generally, almost like I am looking at the forehead, or at the mouth.

yeah, when I do "eye contact" I usually zone out instantly, lol, or I appear to be looking "through" people. My bf pointed that out to me.

My daughter is HFA. She will be talking great, but when forced to make eye contact, she can no longer speak coherently. She makes a little on her own, but if you ask her to do it more, she gets wide-eyed and can't concentrate on anything else. So we don't press the issue.

I will NOT - CAN NOT - make eye contact with anyone but my fiance and best friend. It is such an uncomfortable feeling. I can't describe it. Somehow though my closeness to these two people allows me to be comfortable enough that I actually know their eye colors. But I can't look for long and still don't know what to do with my eyes meanwhile. People who know me seem to have accepted that I can hold a decent conversation without looking at them. I can even have my back turned. It makes no difference to me. I stay aware of where they are and what they are doing by listening to them.
I understand that in "my" culture direct eye contact is a sign of confidence and trustworthiness, but in other cultures it is open hostility. I tend toward this, as it seems more natural. In other animals, like wolves and dogs, this is the same. I notice that I make the least eye contact with either authority figures or folks I don't trust (no correlation).
When I do look into people's eyes I get tunnel vision. I am so focused on looking away that my brain sort of shuts down, causing irrational thoughts and uncontrollable blinking, as if I were staring into a light. Thus, my communication skills are also reduced somewhat, as another poster mentioned. I think this is a secondary symptom, as a result of stress, as it tends to happen under any kind of generalized stress.
Usually while having a conversation I am not even focusing on what my eyes or facial expressions are doing. So, I develop a blank glazed stare, which apparently is unnerving to others, because I can keep talking and carrying on a conversation just fine. I usually only stare at a spot for a minute or two before I catch myself and shift my gaze. This is because I have got into a lot of trouble with my overly-self-conscious mother, who SWEARS that I was staring at her stomach/legs/whatever she's worried about, even though I know I wasn't And even if I was, my mind would be a million miles from there anyway, so again, what does it matter?

I don't look people in the eyes. It makes me nervous.

The only times I've really tried were during job interviews, of course that still probabily didn't work well. Otherwise I might be working right now.

In grade/middle school, teachers used to occassionaly complain about my lack of eye contact. My 7th and 8th grade English teachers mentioned it to me on multiple occassions. I'd try and it would make me anxious and unable to concentrate. In 5th grade, I recall a teacher once started staring me down and when I did try to attempt eye contact with her she told me to "Stop it." In high school/college I would always get marked off on presentations where eye contact with the audience was part of the grading criteria. here was also a poetry contest I once entered at a bar where afterwards one of the judges remarked on my lack of eye contact and told me how important it is.

Now that I think about it, I don't even know the eye color of my friend, my grandmother, or most of my siblings(well, I know my sister's are green because I remember my mother telling me at a young age, but dont recall what they look like).

Well, even when I am looking in the eyes, I don't really think I am. Still, the fact is they can't tell. I think it is merely a myth someone started to try to remove the likelihood that you will lie. THINK ABOUT IT though. People speak of "poker face"s, etc... Such games wouldn't work if merely looking into ones eyes could acertain a lie(aka "bluff").

siuan,

I'm like your daughter; I cannot talk to people if I look at them (I lose what little words I have), so I don't.

I don't care what people think.