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Do you get frustrated when people don't say what they mean?

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pakled
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09 Dec 2007, 2:52 pm

oh yeah. I get more into 'did they mean what I thought they meant?', or did they think I meant this when I really meant that?

I have thousands of rules as well, just memorizing situations as to what the correct thing to do is.



Greentea
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09 Dec 2007, 5:24 pm

Immured wrote:
If you remain consistent with yourself, eventually people will come to expect nothing but honesty from you, and speak to you specifically to hear that kind of opinion. But that is only if you can ignore the initial exasperated reactions in the meantime.


You have defined exactly my relationships with people.

That's why after a while everyone stops asking me for advice or my opinion. Because they never want to hear the truth.

Nowadays I know better and don't say the truth, ever.


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Aurore
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10 Dec 2007, 1:08 am

Usually I hate it when people say something and mean something else but I do appreciate sarcasm. When I understand it it's funny. Also if someone's insulting me by pretending to compliment me, if I don't get it I just end up getting a self-esteem boost. So really the joke's on them.


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Ferrelas
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10 Dec 2007, 5:54 am

I also have a problem with this, I don't see the point of speaking if you don't say what you mean.

Another thing that bothers me is when ppl sway that they are going to do something and then don't do it at once, like: "I'm going outside now", and then start collecting the things they need to go outside. That's not my idea of going outside now.



AliceinOz
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10 Dec 2007, 6:06 am

RedRose wrote:
One of the things that I find most exhausting is the thousands of mental checks I automatically do when talking to people because I have (mostly) learned that people don't say what they mean.


I hate that I have to do the filtering and yes, it is exhausting. It is discouraging when I make a mistake, or slip up or snap when I'm overloaded and friends bag me about being a b***h - they have no idea how hard it is to be ASD in a social world.

Most of my close friends appreciate my honesty (otherwise they don't hang around long!) and I am always careful NOT to use sarcasm so that I don't give mixed messages to my friends. If I want them to be honest and say what they mean I cannot do anything that confuses that message and sarcasm is one such example.

I usually ask for clarification if a message is unclear. It gives me more time to think things through and also helps make the other person think a little more carefully about what they are trying to say. I find this strategy really effective and it means I get the other person to do some of the work so my poor old brain gets a bit of a reprieve.



thyme
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10 Dec 2007, 11:47 am

Yeah it's hard for me to read between the lines. I can't figure most ppl out. I try to put myself in there place and understand how they feel, but the problem is i'm not like most people.


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insomniakat
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10 Dec 2007, 12:43 pm

I hate when people don't say what the mean. :roll:

Don't be so hard on yourselves. NTs don't get it right all the time. And most men have zero idea what to say when a girl wants an honest assessment of how she looks.


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10 Dec 2007, 12:57 pm

RedRose wrote:
One of the things that I find most exhausting is the thousands of mental checks I automatically do when talking to people because I have (mostly) learned that people don't say what they mean.

I have learned that when my flatmates say they want an honest opinion about how they look before they go out for the night, they actually don't, and I have to work exceptionally hard to work out the right thing to say.

I have learned that when someone says "lets do something you want to do, you pick - anything you like." They invariably don't mean "anything" they mean "anything within a set of parameters that I have in my head for stuff thats normal to want to do" and I have to go through a hundred checks to try to guage whats acceptable to them.

I say mostly because I still fail to spot them and end up beating myself up or angry that I haven't managed to grasp this yet - the checks are at most damage limitation.

Anyway, its just the thing that I find tires me out the most, all the mental checking I have to do and all the frustration at how much people seem to make things harder by doing this. I just end up mentally exhausted and wishing that for a little while I could exist in the world completely free of any sort of human interaction so that I can switch off.


People who ask those open ended questions only do so for their own purposes- whatever the reason. But basically, asperger or not, everyone has trouble answering a question such 'How do I look?' as it is obvious that the person who is asking the question is looking for any oppurtunity to start an argument becase they are pissed and want to pick on the nearest person to vent their anger.