I understand the unwanted attention thing now

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I tried IMVU. The interesting thing about IMVU, is everyone's avatar is rediculously good looking. So in a sense, it was like being able to experience what it would be like being hot.

I had alot of guys using me as a sort of, gage for their own egos. Like if I was their girlfriend fine. If I didn't want to be their girlfriend I was a freak, or some other expletitves. With the girls, it's like all this cat-fighting sort of jelously thing.

So I understand the whole unwanted attention issue that comes with being good-looking now when it comes to Aspies. I also learned that even if I were better looking, I'd still be just as clueless about how to behave socially. So actually, it is alot worse being better looking and therfore expected to be social being an Aspie, than being so-so looking.

Basically this is an apology, for all the trouble I've given people over Heather Kuzmich and all. As well as all the bad things I said about Heather. I really do now understand the perspective of Aspies who are constantly confronted with social interaction and not knowing what to do with it.

I don't think Heather's good looks are an escape for her form the problems of AS either.
I didn't see much of the show just some clips on youtube but what I saw she was subject to the isolation, bullying and ridicule that we all get.

Being attractive does not automatically mean you will be able to make friends without any problems. However, I'm told I'm not an extremely ugly aspie and I have a feeling that this does give me a small initial advantage in social situations. People are less likely to be receptive to talking with a person if they're ugly because that's the only info they have before getting to know the person. The way you dress has a lot to do with how attractive you're perceived to be.

I'm attractive compared to the average person. It does mean people are more likely to give me a second chance when I make the inevitable faux pas. But it also brings a lot of attention, which is entirely unwanted when you feel so completely self-conscious that it starts causing panic attacks. Having a whole posse of women groping and ogling you is not fun at all, especially when you're fearful they'll start laughing at you next because your responses are 'weird'.

Ah! yes. "Clothes make the man" For those who are looking, clothing has a lot to do with how people perceive you. For centuries now, some sort of neck gear is always seen as a dead giveaway on how serious to be taken for men. From the Elizabethan ruff around the neck ( it was cold and drafty with out central heating!) to the large collars of the Edwardian always the neck piece that stated your social rank, your badge of who you are.

Men's neck wear has been made of every kind of material: silk, cotton, wool, leather, rope, string, lace, linen, rayon, and polyester. they are called cravats, jabots, bandannas, bolos, ascots, bootlaces, bows, butterflies, kerchiefs, or simply ties, neckties have been always been closely linked to the male ego.

Ties have been used to proclaim status, occupation, and even identity, as well as allegiance to a group or cause, often military. Neckwear has also had utilitarian purposes—to protect the neck or hide buttons on a shirt. But it stands out as what you wear if you want to be taken seriously in the business world, academia, or even in Silicon Valleyesque domains. And for those who want to let people know you have eschewed the tie altogether, wear a turtleneck! otherwise it just looks like you 'forgot' your tie or 'dressed down' for your meeting and that would be ANOTHER social cue for them to judge you by.

In Joseph Heller's book "Something Happened" the width of a pinstripe on a business suit told the degree of rank a man had in the business world, just the same as badges on a National service uniform or Boy Scout badge sash. Show up in casual clothing and it will be an uphill battle all the way for someone to be taken seriously in those venues.

so think a bit before you venture out, what are your clothes 'telling' people you might meet on how to relate to you? What's that? Are you saying 'but they need to see deeper than my clothes to get into me for the REAL ME ? Well, we know that is true, but they ain't a gonna do it, so beat them to it and dress as you want to be perceived!

and good luck, it's rough out there in NT land!

Merle

What a wonderful post. That really made me think suddenly whether the reason i've been wearing black more and more and more is because i've been learning this lesson, and when i was wearing beautiful jewel like colours all matched, clashed, and contrasted in clever combinations, pale turquoises and bright pinks, and greens and red, rich blues, and white, flower prints, and soft materiel, floaty shapes and styles and the tiniest shoes i could find, simplest and flattest, etc, with scarves and bangles, and cute colourful bags i was like a huge invitation saying here, i am like flowers and fruit just waiting for the insects!!
Now i wear boots, black, big, thicker stuff etc. I also have increasingly mixed silver grey hair. And i get almost no attention anymore. Whereas it used to be constant. When iwas about 20 i wrote a poem referring to being "in all eyes" ; i could feel it. But i thought it was what happened if you were doing "woman" right.
Aarrghhh!!

Being considered attractive while having aspergers is an equation for anxiety and troubles. I work customer service in the middle of the store, and from guys to women I get treated a certain way. For women, they treat me as if I am the cutest sweetest thing. I realize that I would be a big hit in Japan since cute is big over there. Haha. For guys, a few days ago this guy called me his little flower in french, and this one guy who keeps giving me "looks" said once, "Oh I don't need to know that much, I am good looking enough to be a people person. Hey, you look good enough to be a people person." And there is the problem, good looking people are automatically considered to have certain personable personalities to be fun, and cool and whatever. When women first meet me they have a tendency to try to treat me as if we are girlfriends with the same inside jokes and such. And then when they realize that it isn't true, everyone just turns cold to a certain extend or treats me as if I am stupid. Some people are find but I get frustrated with most.

Great post. I'm always careful with the way I dress whenever I'm heading to some formal occasion. If your style of dress looks good and demands authority, you will be treated accordingly.

Doesn't matter if it's uncomfortable, either. I've noticed that the more you wear uncomfortable clothes, the more you'll be able to tolerate them. Try it.

Back to the OP, though; looking good can place pressure on an individual, especially an individual with AS, to act a certain way. It's a double edged sword.

I've never been cursed with exceptional beauty. And I give thanks every day.