Did your bullies end up better off than you did?

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On the subject of bullies, I was thinking that a lot of people think theyre bullied but aren't really being. When I was in year 8, the queen was coming to my hometown, and as a joke my mum said I had to tidy my room, in case the queen came to inpsect it. Anyway later that day I said to the surrounding crowd outside the form room "I had to tidy my room in case the queen came to inspect it" and I got mocked for ages, at the time I thought it was bullying and my mum even got the head of year involved but now I realise it was all harmless fun, especially this guy who sang

"God save our gracious queen,
Make sure your bedrooms clean"

The "bully" in question, I'm friends with him on facebook, he seems fine, we got on alright towards the end of school.

It's an interesting question, if only because I do know what ended up happening to the ringleader of the bullies who made my life hellish during grades 6-8 (Canadian here, I think that's sort of equivalent to O-levels in the UK).

While I was wending my way towards my current career, he was streamed through his university education, provided with the best possible schooling in business and finance. I self-financed my education, but didn't get around to it until I was well into my 20's.

He ended up working as a high-powered broker, dealing with millions of dollars of client assets and jetting across country routinely for meetings, with a solidly six-digit income. I made a living doing video game graphics and fiddled with my personal computer in my spare time.

He got married to a gorgeous woman and had two kids. I stayed single.

And so it seems he got the better deal. However...

It turns out he had no love for his wife or children - they were merely symbols he'd felt were necessary to prove to the world that he was indeed successful and respectable. Whenever he went on one of those cross-country trips he'd either pick up a girl in the hotel bar or hire a prostitute. He hadn't slept with his wife in years.

He'd purchased an expensive home, and expensive car, and all the other trappings that are associated with NT success. The debt he'd incurred was outrageous, and he struggled constantly to pay those bills even with his inflated income. I doubt his bank balance was ever sufficient to cover more than a few weeks of living expenses, and he certainly wasn't putting money aside for retirement. And he hates his career, but he's stuck thanks to all those monthly bills.

At some point, the combined stress from work and debt drove him to drink away his problems, and that ended up affecting his ability to do his job. Last I heard he was dead-ended in a mid-level position, his wife was about to leave him, and his life was falling apart.

Me on the other hand...

I may not have spent a lot of time in relationships, but the time I've had was quality time, and I cared deeply for every partner I've had.

I lived within my means, renting the nicest places I could reasonably afford, buying the things I needed to be comfortable, but never splurging (heck, I'm AS, so I don't give a crap if my stuff is better than the Jones' - it's good enough and that's all that matters). I've changed the general track of my career four or five times in the past 20 years, but never had to worry because I've always managed to have enough money in the bank that I could afford to go without work for at least six months (and it's now a big enough nest-egg that I could be off work for 2-3 years and not suffer). My income is now probably comparable to the ex-bully's.

The only stress in my life comes from my AS-ness. I love my job, and mostly get along with my co-workers (since I work in the entertainment biz they're very tolerant of my eccentric behavior). I do wish I could find someone to share my time with, but that's just not something that I'm any good at.

At the end of the day, who got the better deal?

I wouldn't want his life - not even if you threw in a couple of million dollars as incentive. Mine isn't perfect, but it seems to be pretty satisfying compared to his.


Nick

Great story Nick. I also believe that if you're a jerk when you're younger, you'll continue to be one as an adult, and as a result, your life will be less than satisfying.
I don't have any good stories myself, but I do know that most of the people that made my life difficult are still living in our small town. They never left, I don't think they've even travelled out of the country, and I feel sorry for them. There was one girl, she used to make fun of me all the time, I heard that she moved to Calgary and worked at a mall store with her older sister... but after a few weeks she moved back home, because she "couldn't take the big city".

IronicChef, that's a great feel good story and you seem to know a lot about that guy's life. But are you sure that story is veridical?

@MW99

My information is only slightly second hand - the sources were another class mate (an oaf of a fellow who has managed to splatter paint on canvas and seduce Toronto art enthusiasts with his "masterworks") who claims to still be the guy's best pal, and the brother of a friend who'd remained close with the guy over the years. I certainly didn't get chummy with the bully post-grade-school.

So, as far as I'm concerned, it's entirely true in terms of the life he has led to the best of my knowledge.

As for my own life, well I'm certainly not objective, but it feels pretty darned successful in comparison.

Nick

P.S. - Wow... "veridical"? I'm fairly wordy but I doubt I'd ever go beyond using "voracity" in a comment written for general consumption. You get mucho AS points for that!

P.P.S. - I have an even better "karmic-retribution" story, but I'll save that for another day.

I don't know, since most of them probably still live up north and I have no way of knowing. But I don't care, really. I do ok and that's by MY standards so it doesn't matter what they're doing.

One of my latests revelations is that a lot of disgusting people I used to know are heirs to entire companies or family fortunes. Back then I didn't even think it about that kind of thing. It turns out that most of my highschool classmates were already networking with this in mind; entire families were into this. . . (Not that I'd want to. . . just to show myself how late it dawned to me I had to actually plan my career.)

As far as I'm concerned there's nothing preventing a jerk from being extremely "succesful" in many ways - so even if one happens to cause his own downfall that just makes me think I could cause my own downfall too if I were to achieve anything first. At many jobs and places I get shunned like I'm some sort of Darth Vadder type just because I happen to have an education and a white collar family background and they seem to think that makes everything a piece of cake for me - so since people are going to be like that I might as well figure out how to get the 6 digit income 'cause dollars-wise I currently don't even make it to 4 digits.

Today at a downtown restaurant there was this high-level manager type having a business lunch with a bunch of asians: his English (the asians were fluent) went like: "business with you. . . very good. . . all very good. . . here. . . like foreigners. . ." and he was actually touching their arms and patting their backs while he ranted. The guys were obviously, at the very least, confused by his invasive antics and he just went on and on, eventually hugging them on the way out.
I got a bit mad 'cause I keep seeing managers that evidently earn a lot and have a lot of power and even I can tell how bad a job they are doing. My own workplace is a change-resistant systematic failure. . .

Dammit. . . there has to be a way. . . there has to be a way. . . I can't be stuck forever.

My hubby told me that of all his bullies only one is still alive! They either killed themselves or otherwise died So I must say that he is definitely better off than they are

Always remember that outward appearances only reflect the surface, nothing more. While these people may appear happy, they may not be.

I don't care what happened to the people from my youth. If they've done better or worse is of no consequence to me. Do I wish them misery? No, I don't. That would make me no better than they were. Perhaps worse, actually.

Well I don't know about karma... sometimes I think things don't happen for a reason and life is just either a fantastic thing or a complete and utter b**ch, for no reason sometimes...

So - some bullies probably did end up better off than me, and others probably haven't... then again - the bullies I had were minor bullies... they didn't bully me much. With the exception of this one person called Joanne (however you spell that) who was well - a bully, plain and simple.

And then once again, the idiots who picked on me who ended up better than me for now, might not be better off than me for too long - who knows I guess...

I really want to thrive in the music industry. But I'm damn scared of it lol.

i seen one of them before about 8 yars ago and he was still a loser living in the same town

I have no idea. But if they did, and it was because they grew out of their bullying behavior, than good for them. If they were still the same twat they were in school and somehow lived a better life than me, then that would be hard to swallow. But if I was happy enough with my life, there would be no reason to be jealous of anybody else's, would there?

I always knew that my bullies would end up having better lives than me...even if they dont deserve it...or maybe they did. It's been a flip flop thing with them where they think theyre the good guys and I'm the bad guy who deserves the miserable future that I got.

They're always telling me that I deserved to be treated the way I did cause of a few mean streaks, aspie moments, inability to respond...and also cuz I'm a total lightweight.

I think it's kinda selfish to believe in Karma. Everyone believes that theyre the victims...even the bullies.

I knew one bully who died a few years ago but he was well loved and probably a good person...just not to me. I doubt he had any remorse for the way he enjoyed f*cking around with my head.

I don't care.

Even if my bullies are better off, I still don't care.
If there is a reunion of my junior high class from 2004, I am not going.