Difficulty getting served at a bar

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How long did he 'blank' you for? Perhaps he was waiting for you to put your order in. In any case, you should have said "Excuse me, I was here first". You probably made it look as if you didn't mind waiting. Most people should be gracious enough to say who was first. I know I do.



Eh? A debit card at a pub? You might be able to use cards in the metropolitan areas but up here people use cash. It's more hassle but it's important to keep the no-questions-asked tradition of cash alive. Plus, I'm a firm believer in 'real money'. Also, tapping things like coins and cards on the bar is considered rude. If you do that the bar staff will make you wait. The same applies to waving money around - it gives the impression that you think that the bar staff are monkeys and not real people.

Oh, and in Britain I go up to the bar, wait my turn, order my pint and sit down. None of this tipping business. If I get asked for ID they don't get my business again. If they're awkward with me they don't get my business again. Be decent and respectful towards me and we'll get along well.

If you tap a debit card in a non-confrontational way, like just absent-mindedly playing with it, then the slight noise will register in their mind and make them aware of your presence and that you're waiting to be served. Same as if you hold cash in your hand as you lean against the bar, so it's in their line of vision but you aren't waving it about and annoying them, simply waiting with cash in hand to pay.

And errr... yeah, I use my debit card in pubs at times. So what? I don't consider it any different than cash, generally speaking. If I have no cash then card it is!! I agree on principle with using cash over card, but I'd rather not carry too much on me as I have friends who've been mugged... harder to use someone else's chip-and-pin than use their cash you've just stolen. I don't live in a particularly metropolitan area either. West Sussex - I'm in one of the cities, but it's pretty rural for the most part!!


And it's fine for a guy to say 'excuse me I was here first', but not so for a diminuitive blonde young female figure who doesn't have the strongest voice in the world, when faced with a much bigger group of much bigger people.

I used to think it was my fault I became 'invisible',but I've come to the
conclusion it often just depends on how well the bar staff are trained ! In some bars I get ignored but in others the staff are experienced and considerate enough to acknowledge those who've been waiting longest. Also,regulars are liable to get served quicker which I suppose is fair enough.

I don't take loads of cash around with me but more than enough for what I need. I've never been mugged and where I live is relatively safe. If you're going to get mugged, you're going to get mugged. If you've got cash on you there's probably more chance they'll leave you be.

i forgot to mention the most vital thing:

when you get eye contact, immediately say hi and/or order!

i think maybe where people are going wrong is waiting for the staff to verbally initiate the conversation.
Sometimes they will initiate contact with a subtle, non-verbal cues that some of us will miss.

It certainly helps being a local if you're trying to get served, best thing is that when it's quiet as soon as you walk in they start pouring your pint, bloody lovely service.

Happens 2 me all da tym keep on waitin 2 b served n yet da person at da till will serve somebody else which in my opinion dat is takin da piss dis is why i don't go 2 bars or pubs i just settle 4 drinkin at home instead.

It isn't only bars. This happens to me all the time in all variety of service oriented situations. I really resent being made to feel like I've behaved offensively because I was made to resort to raising my voice etc. As for waving money in the air, I suppose it does work sometimes, but most people operating a cash register do not care how much money goes into it. It's not their money after all. This might work differently with tipped employees.

Waving a bill gets a bartenders attention, but its also a sign of bragging. The bigger the bill the bigger the braggard. So bartenders tend to ignore people that do that "to put them back in their place".

Its an odd job in that its both high status(within the bar) and low status outside of it. Furthermore, many people that work at bars wouldnt be called typical. I even worked with many people that would be on the spectrum. So they tend to be sensitive about behavior and displays of conceit in people(even if its not deliberate).

Two things i can think of that might also put you low on the list of getting served. If you are on the end of the bar you will be outside the traveled area; people in center tend to be served faster. If the bar is served by two or more bartenders, make sure you are not right between their territory. Remember that they are competing for wages that are primarily made from tips, so they are respectful of each others space so as to maintain harmony. Look for tip jars and get yourself well between the tip jar and the area where the bar tender spends most of their time.

If you think that herding aspies is like herding cats, then serving drinks to drunks is like herding fish. Bar tenders are experienced at watching many things going on. but to be organized(and thus make money faster) they have to be systematic. A good bar tender in a club type atmosphere will work themselves left to right and back again. If you are getting missed, you might be outside their area. So its not that they dont see you, but you are getting passed over for a very specific reason.

The second reason is that you have made an ass out of yourself. demanding to be served "what do I have to do to be served in this place?", is a good way to be blacklisted, and even evicted in some places. Dont do it. Same with holding your money out(shouldnt get you kicked though).

Get in the middle of their serving area. Place your bill in your hand(and not coins). Have it folded and place your hand down on the bar, with the bill under it, only lightly showing. This shows:

1. That you can pay(have money), can pay quickly(nothing worse than a drunk fumbling for cash).
2. Modest(you dont need to flaunt what you have)
3. You are not down to your last coins(they wont feel guilt about taking the last of your money).
4. By moving closer you lessen the effort to serve you.

These things, along with eye contact and a smile will go a long way to getting you served.

Some further tips based on various comments..

You dont punish with gratuities. Punishment is for children. You will be served on your attractiveness as a customer. By this I dont mean physical beauty, but rather your ease in being served. That means the previous four items I listed as well as hygiene. Remember that they(the bar tenders) meet all sorts of people and are pretty inured to physical attractiveness. Its not so important to them.

To enhance your attractiveness as a customer i recommend that you tip well. Its one of the only circumstances where a literal bribe is acceptable in western society. If you buy a drink with a ten dollar bill, and it costs 5, let them keep the change. all of it. At least the first few times. Consider that if you bring 100 dollars to the bar, you want to spend at least 15 of it on tips. Now you could do that as a small trickle with each drink, or you could make a point of it right away and she will remember you for the rest of the night.

But dont be a boastful bastard and tip her 30 bucks right off the bat.

I myself might go as high as 30 bucks through the night, but bar staff tends to be great tippers.

So tip heavily the first few drinks until their eyes light up when you arrive. From there you can taper off but make sure you tip a little each time. You dont go to a bar to get drunk cheap(regardless of specials). If you just want to get drunk stay home.

I would tip 5 or 10 dollars the first drink, then perhaps a second time maybe 5. from there, a dollar for every five dollars spent seems good(but at least a dollar). Drinks are often priced to facilitate that. You'll see a beer for 3.75. let them keep the 1.25 as tip.

At a certain point they may refuse your tip. You can insist, but I strongly suggest that you thank them and accept gracefully. It is their way of giving back to you; showing you appreciation and respect. It also negates a developing master/slave relationship, something they really despise. So dont do it. Take back that tip, but make sure you tip them again on the next drink.

They might decide they respect you as a customer by giving you a free drink. This is not a sign of romantic interest. And make darn sure you give them a tip on this drink(though they may refuse it as above). They likely have a limited amount of free drinks they can hand out(called promos), So if you get one, Consider yourself lucky.

In the event that you do wish to express your dissatisfaction with service, I suggest you just order your drinks from a different bartender. Or go to a different establishment,


Good Luck!

yes it frequently happens to me, wich is why i buy all my beer from the store. its just not worth the hassle to go to bars plus its more expencive

When I used to go to clubs, at one particular club it took me on average THREE QUARTERS OF AN HOUR to get served. It was an environment with no decorum and very crowded but still.

It's like they let me stand there and suffer, because I don't seem like the type to be able to verbally tear them a new.. one... Yeah, I'm standing there with the bills and my hand on the counter, not waving it... I move from the ends to the middle where he's serving other people and am still ignored for the longest time.. Maybe I'm not able to smile after a while and don't look friendly anymore?? I was usually nervous until I would get a drink.. Everyone else, that appears confident, like they expect to be served next.. gets served... God forbid, you are there with a date... it was sooooo embarrassing standing there forever looking like a dweeb, being passed up time after time after time... it's just SO rude..

Maybe I don't look on the surface to be a big tipper or spender.. ? or maybe they don't think I'm showing enough respect?? maybe the want to teach me a lesson.. maybe the people with the more demanding "energy" get their drinks first.. the one's with a brighter aura that smile bigger with their beautiful girlfriend hanging on their arm.. and it would be like how dare that bartender purposely ignore THEM!?! Watch out bartender for their wrath later!! ! But, the dweeb over there not smiling, standing kindof still, alone, well... that person can be passed up.. I move toward the center, try to smile with the money showing.. I'm still passed up.. happened all the time

I don't drink much anymore... I'm not as nervous as I used to be either, because I don't care so much anymore.. about people liking me.. I figure they won't.. I'm not impatient for my one bottle of water to hold on to as a prop anyway.. I just don't care any more it seems.. I just go to hear the music.. I remember when I used to care though and it would end up being quite annoying.. I remember many times being passed up by the bartender for what would seem like forever until I would actually leave the bar and go to another one, or even leave the venue itself and go somewhere else entirely.. I guess, too, if it's your first time in a place... all the regulars and familiar faces will be served first ... something else to consider... There are SO many factors that go into this.. good-luck...

My experience exactly.

Just two days ago when I was at a bar trying to get my dad(who was at a table) an Absolut Vodka mixed with orange juice, it took me approxamately 3 minutes to get the attention of the bartender.

That does sound rude. Don't take the whole "Oh you need to be more vocal" routine either because I've worked at bars and the bartenders ask if you need a drink regardless of if you speak up or not.

Sounds like the bartender had issues. If you go back up to the place, ask for a manager. If the bartender claims to be the manager then tell the bartender/manager that you will be going to another bar.

Hmm..i never have that problem. now if you subtract from the tip and get the same bartender the next time you go in, that may explain why they don't come to you right away...or they may have spread the word that you are a cheap tipper.