Have You Tried to Become More Emotional?

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There are two aspects of emotion, the interpesonal and the subjective. On the first I am a skipping stone on the surface of a placid lake. The ripples I leave behind don't concern me, I am not sure this is a bad thing, but it does cause problems. As for the second type, I am a wreck. I cry at films no one else does, becasue of what I yearn for and am incapable of experiencing. This I find a decided handicap, because it makes me think I am a caring person. I am that, but not in the way a neuro-typical chooses to understand that phrase. Have I tried to be more emotional. The answer to that is no, because the type of emotion I do experience is so confusing and frustrating, I don't care to explore the side where I can hurt someone badly in a moment, when my intentions do not encompass a feeling state. My curse and my strength in the same go.

I'm just happy to be getting what little I have in emotinal responses matched with the proper stimulus. Trying not to laugh in front of a person talking about being terminally ill with cancer (and they were pretty cool too) and being fully aware that it was nothing to laugh about is by far the most drastic example of what the problem was like for me. I had a sadistic streak a mile wide that I have since taken care of that was a minor factor at the time as well, but most of the prblem involed laughing at weird times, not laughing at appropriate times, or laughing too much, getting pissed at nothing, or not having a problem with something that everybody else is pissed about.

I want to avoid becoming more emotional, because getting emotions mixed up in my thought process or decision making almost always has disasterous results. It causes me to get my plans and priorities so mixed up that I'm at a loss of words to describe it.

I know what you mean, dude... sometimes I've been accused of pretending to laugh because I laugh so loudly at times... and other times I continue laughing long after others have stopped and they're all like, "OK Aaron, it's not that funny"...

nope, quite the opposite.

I've always tried to emphasize my lack of emotions so that people will hopefully find my disinteresting and just leave me alone already without me having to tell them to bug off. Doesn't always work.

Yeah, on some occasions I have a hard time not breaking out in smiles during a serious situation. And it's not that I find it funny at all. But that it's SO serious my brain can't help but make my face do the opposite of what I want to do.

Someone dies, I start smiling nervously and get even more nervous because people are watching and I look like an insensitive [fill in your own profanity]. I really hate that. When my body doesn't do what I want it to.