Assumptions

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I find that the hardest part of dealing with NTs for me is that they make assumptions so much. They don't act according to their understanding but according to the interpretation they think others will make of their acts. Conversely, they don't try to judge your acts according to who you are but according to what your acts would mean if done by the majority.

Example (a silly one for clarity): I want to give John a red handkerchief for his birthday, because I know he loves red handkerchiefs. But I give him a brown one instead (which I know he doesn't like), because he'll think I'm calling him a communist.

Example 2: I don't smile when I see John. John assumes it's because I don't like him, because that's what everyone does when they don't like someone. He doesn't consider the option that maybe Greentea is a person who doesn't feign smiles and was having a bad day.

Example 3: I won't invite the old neighbour in for Shabat dinner because I don't have much food to cover the table with, so she'll think I'm a miser. Better leave her alone in her flat, rotting in loneliness and let what others will think rule my life.

I'd welcome your comments...

I have been thinking a lot about this way of thinking myself and I have started to avoid people who are very NT because of their misinterpretation of why I might have said something or why I did something. If I ask the cleaner if she would like to change her hour of arrival, it is because I am being kind and not because I am not happy with her or any other thing she may imagine. Some NTs seem not to be in the real world at all and seem to live in a very negative imagined world of slights and damnation. Its at times like this I am happy to be like I am.

Yes! It's highly annoying and it's not just with acts like you specified. It happens in conversations also. You'll say something and NTs quite often hear what they want to hear and not what you said. *bangs head against the wall*

This happens all the frickin' time. I've come to explaining it at work that "you have to pay attention to exactly what I say because us IT guys will give you step by step instructions but you have to follow them exactly." After 2 years of this, they're finally listening to what I say and not what they want hear...some of the time. *bangs head against the wall*

Another example is that often people don't go to a dear friend's birthday party because they can't afford a present that year due to some bad luck blow. They'd rather a person they love suffer from not sharing the celebration with them than have the friend think they're a miser.

If I don't go to pee when the other girls want to pee, they automatically assume that I'm not interested in getting closer in the friendship. Nothing further from the truth, but I like to pee when my bladder tells me, not when the pack leader girl's bladder needs it.

Just recently a friend of mine was talking about how she wished there was something she could do about animal cruelty in fur farms in china, and I agreed that it's a horrible thing but added that unfortunately one would have to spend years training oneself to the absolute peak of human perfection and fashion a bulletproof bat suit in order to do something significant about it. She assumed that I was mocking her and decided not to talk to me anymore because I'm a jerk, even though she should know that I do care, that I would never mock her, that I'm just being a pessimist and that this is just how I relate to things figuratively. And it's not the first time this has happened. I get a feeling she's deliberately interpreting every slightly odd thing I say as horribly mean to make me seem "real". She has in the past said that I "can't exist" (this was before she started interpreting me as mean). Like I don't fit into her assumption of what a person is and now she's trying to make me a person in her head by making me a dickhead. It's very frustrating. I'd rather not exist than be a dickhead.

I think everyone does this, even aspies.


Last year, my last boyfriend was making macaroni n cheese and while he was draining it in the sink, some of it fell in the sink and he cursed about it and I asked him hat's wrong he says some of it fell in the sink and I said "At least it's less calories now."
And he thought I was saying he was fat because he told me. But he didn't believe me when I told him I did not say that but he still thought I was implying he was fat.


People with low self esteem do make false assumptions like my ex did because he was so unhappy about his weight.



And here is another thing that lot of people do, NT or not. They hear you talking to someone and they assume right away what you're talking about. They think you're talking about them or they get the wrong idea what you're saying because they're only hearing and jump to an assumption without even bothering to eavesdrop to the rest of the conversation.

Vince, if anyone normal and mediocre like the majority of people had said what you said to her, they would've meant it as a put-down of her beliefs. So she assumes you meant it as a put-down. You explained beautifully what I was trying to say.

Spokane_Girl, I see so much less jumping to assumptions on the WP forums, like 1 to 100, so I really believe it's an NT thing.

I think if an aspie was invited to my home and I didn't have much food, they wouldn't automatically assume I don't care about them or I'm a miser.

Well my aspie BF made a lot of assumptions. I think it was his low self esteem. He took things the wrong way and took things out of proportion and he called it a social issue. It was real difficult to communicate with him about my feelings because he just blow up, get mad.

It's only natural to make assumptions. Hell, I make assumptions every day (sometimes trivial like assuming there'd be no traffic)


I am often quick to misinterpret, but I try not to let it get to me because I think it wasn't what the person meant. Nevermind other people. No matter how much I try to explain my actions I'm still an as*hole for doing so: "You should have known better." "You should have realized it would have hurt me." "You should have known this was going to happen."

Obviously I didn't. I view things differently from other people. I plan out things. I forget that other people are sentient. Thus, plans aren't infallible.

And the thing is she should know that I agree with her beliefs on many points because I've made it clear in the past. And I'm her firend. It wouldn't make sense for me to mock her beliefs. It wouldn't be consistent. Especially not when I reaffirmed my agreeing just a second before. So yeah. Irrational assumptions. The bat suit remark was in reference to the hopelessness of the situation, and I said the word "unfortunately" with complete honesty. It's weird.


When I'm invited to people's homes (doesn't happen a lot), and get offered food, I usually feel uncomfortable because I have these issues with eating. I'm very picky with food and I get this anxiety about food I'm not comfortable with, but I'm afraid people might think I'm a jerk if I don't accept the offer of food, so it becomes a sort of catch 22 where I'm not sure what to do. So I'm an example of an aspie who in fact prefers not being offered food at all.

My brother is like you. He'll turn down people's food. I on the other hand will always accept it. I would find it rude not to. I am very picky with food so I'll always ask for very little...and I usually take my time poking at it.


Oh, I never offer food. Even when there's some on the table. I don't know why. No signal enters my brain which says "Give food, you ass!" I only offer a drink because my parents tell me to, or the guest says they're thirsty.

I don't know how many times I have been accused of being angry, sarcastic, belittling, or mocking when I had merely shared an opinion! And then, when I try to explain, the NT doing the accusing, will proceed to say that I am just trying to cover up the fact that I was rude, or whatever.

Word! That happens to me all the time! Or at least it used to happen all the time. Now it only happens on the rare occasion that I actually talk. I kind of got turned off from talking after years and years of being called rude, sarcastic, belitlling, mocking, loud and all those other lovely virtues.

It even happens to me in e-mails. I usually stop communicating with a person who is consistently misunderstanding me. Too much work.