I am curious to hear what some other people diagnosed with Asperger or HFA obsess over. What intrests you now and, what about when you were a child?
when I was very young, about 5-7 or so, I was into collecting the schedules for every bus that ran in my town. I was also obsessed with US Presidents, and memorized them all - nearly all of which i don't remember nowadays. After that, up through my early teen years my main hobby or obsession would've been collecting sports cards - many of which i destroyed in what I now know to be called a "melt down"...... except that Joe Montana rookie that I sold to play blackack.) Man, if they would've known more about Asperger syndrome back then, there would of been so many obvious signs even then - memorizing presidents, collecting bus schedules, tearing up my cards when somebody would touch them or look at them. Damn. I dont know about you people, but it wasn't until after high-school that my inability to live a normal life and my complete social ineptitude became really noticeable. But anyways, around my teen years I became obsessed with rock n roll music, which i had always fancied and had a talent for. For a few years it was top 40 stuff. then later on I returned to my roots, the music I grew up with. Pop Oldies. the Beatles, Elvis etc. About 4-5 years ago, I became almost exclusivley obsessed with the music and life of Phil Spector. Not only because he is a fascinating character, but I also fell in love with the music he produced. Full of joy, Innocence, optimism, ecstatic love songs - the closest I've come so far to romantic love. When I usually try to read something its a struggle for me to keep at it, I can't wait to finish, if i even get that far, but if it's on the beatles or, Rolling Stones, or especially Phil Spector i will read a 500 page biography over and over. Sometimes just reading specific paragraphs, or passages which fascinate me for 15 minutes. If I could only harvest the power of concentration I have when enjoying my favorite obsession, and use it on other less fascinating things....i'd be a super duper human being!..well, amphetamine helps a bit in that regard........also, think back....does anyone remember drifting away and losing friends over the years?.....I've realized in retrospect that all my friendships floundered when I my interests changed .....i guess thats what they say, we form relationships on shared interests......that kind of stinks though. Like suppose, I wanted to have some sort of ladyfriend.....how the hell are we going to connect and form a bond based on music......not to be sexist, but wasn't it scientifically proven that men respond emotionally more and enjoy music to a greater degree than women statistically.....I mean ladies seem to dig the musicians and singers, but without the rest of the package, you've just got another fan I suppose. Anyways I'm going off on a rant. Hmm....that could be a good goal......If I could try 'n form some kind of relationship that doesn't explicitly involve a shared intertestor afflictioni.e Both Playing Guitar, Both Smoke Grass, both autistic or bipolar etc) Not that I smoke grass, btw..........It'd be tough becuase, Im no expert conversationalist, and I'm certainly no raconteur...although I think I'm interesting enough and have a decent sense of humor and am relatively well read ..enough to be a raconteur...but everytime i try n spin a yarn, tell an anecdote or story.....its just a mess, it all comes spilling out of my mouth incoherently in no particular order,...lets not even get into small talk, virtually nonexisetent.....very strained......very embarassing..... ...... anwyays...I shall shut my talk hole now........damn Im a rambler.....and im no expert in grammar and syntax. Actually, I don't even know what syntax is....I just hear people say that....actually i see people type it........well whatever it is, Im not good at it. Ya see, Im just like everyoe else......I use big words, and long winded academic language so as to appear smarter than I really am on interent forums and message boards. You know who does that on tv (at least I dont do it on TV, actually I don't do it......although it would make sense if i was a phony cos it takes one to know one right?) Anywas here's a guy who is clearly no slouch and is intelligent but to me seems to always be straining, and trying to act smarter than he really is....that guy Bill maher.... i mean who cares what I think, but I swear Ive never seen someone who was clearly trying with all his heart to seem as smart as he did. He could just be a samrt politically minded comedian (like stewart or colbert for example.....although they are also funny, one thing he's (imho) not)He has an air of phony erudition. He just looked so happy to have used the word "deluded" on Larry King live the other night. He's just some loud mouthed wanna-be inteleectual, who from what I can tell went and picked the most most divisive controversial unpopular position on every issue, so he can fancy himself an hip unpredictable Independent free thinking Iconoclast, I think he is a bitter unfunny man...now im not religious myself so I feel im not biased.......but he seems like a man who's only pleasure in life is ridculing religion,and mocking those who have faith .."oh look at all these idiots who are religious, hell nobody would need the crutch of religion ..if they had Bill Maher's millions of dollars....sitting in your Ivory Tower you sardonic bastard.....yes this is a pointless rant...yes, Im sure world famous tv personality bill Maher will be taken aback and insulted after reading what some 21 year old unemployed penniless virgin's wrote about him on a message board, inducing a deep period of introspection....In all seriousness though, I would'nt have it out for him though if he wasn't so unfunny.......a comedian's politics only become an issue for me when A) they arent funny B)all they talk about is politics.......even someone like Lewis Black I can enjoy because he's got a entertaining shtick all loud and exsasperated.....but maher and his droll detatched holier than thou thing does not do it for me..........I dont hate unfunny comedians as a rule of thumb.......Louie anderson is an awful comedian I think........but I'd still enjoy shaking his hand, he seems personable. .....Im not gonna go off on a rant on fred travalena......Well if there's a hell Ill be seeing Maher there......unfortunately......i better convert.....actually yep.....god sent bill maher to eartn to convert me to christianity.....specifically southern baptist.....cos eveybody else fries in the lake of fire.......i guess you cant fry in water but burn.....Ezekiel 17:92 nee Ecclasiastes part 6: the Return of Zecharius wtf.....this is getting unintelligible and uniteresting.....cant stop typin though, so satisfying......!
07 Feb 2008, 1:53 pm
