Why do I still feel lonely after finding this site?

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May I please point out the obvious? Yes? Okay.

The key to not feeling lonely lies in neurochemical bonding. Firstly, empathetic bonds are difficult for aspies, and it is very difficult to establish a true empathetic bond over the internet since you don't have an image or a voice to associate with that person. Because of this, you have no human form to associate with any emotions. So you relate to people online as one would a character in a novel (which is not totally superficial) rather than the most profound bond of an interpersonal relationship.

The chemical quick-fix is a lot easier to use and will get you through until you have someone with whom you can form a real relationship. Loneliness is caused by an imbalance between oxytocin, the neurotransmitter that is behind the maternal/paternal instinct, and serotonin, both of which come in low amounts for aspies (any expert may feel free to correct me here). So, the answer to this problem from a chemical standpoint is to get oxytocin and serotonin into your nervous system post haste. One could do this via drugs and supplements: there is an herbal supplement called "5-HTP", which you can find at some holistic medicine/generally hippie-esque stores for about $35 a bottle. It's (in my understanding) completely stable and has no potential for abuse. This supplement is the immediate precursor to serotonin in the brain (so taking this supplement is like putting happiness and stability into your brain directly). More information can be found here. Of course, any food with tryptophan will also help (including the favourite of all: Chocolate) for a great deal less money. However, note that, while it may provide stability, serotonin's stability decreases the pull of positive emotions as well as the pull of negative emotions. So, while you may feel less lonely, you may also feel less passionate about positive things (namely your autistic obsession and sexuality).

The other neurochemical that will help is oxytocin. This is also available as a drug. However, the problem with this drug is that it (unlike 5-HTP) does have the potential for abuse and is therefore not available OTC. It's usually only prescribed as an aide to breastfeeding and inducing labour. As I'm guessing that you are neither pregnant nor a new mother, procuring a prescription for this drug as a psych-med would be difficult. Of course, there is a way around this. Your body still naturally produces oxytocin and there are ways of increasing its production. The most effective way to do this (pardon the lack of subtlety) is masturbating. Aside from childbirth, the greatest amounts of oxytocin are released during orgasm. One should also note the physical benefits to regular orgasms (which I can't recall at present). It's actually a very physically and psychologically healthy action.

My official prescription: chocolate and sex.

Official Disclaimer

I don't know to what level anyone here is comfortable frankly discussing sexuality. It really doesn't faze me, but then again, very little does. I ensure all that any reference to sexuality I make is in good taste (or in good faith to my intention of good taste). And I don't "Proposition" people on the internet (or in person, for that matter), EVER. I also ensure that my encouraging this girl whom I don't know to engage in auto-erotic activity is meant, not for my pleasure (as I receive none), but for her physical/psychological well-being and I seek to empower her as a female. Wow, I've dealt with psychiatry and fought the patriarchy all in one fell swoop. Not bad for a night's work. Happy belated V-Day, everyone.

No, not at all. I still feel quite fulfilled and happy, though it has more to do with myself than anyone else.

What does lonely really means? feeling alone and unloved? hmm should I even care?

I am planning to travel and work in Saudi arabia or UAE for few years....maybe there I would be bit more lonely , but do I care? I am lonely here anyways.

I do have a mate but he isn't a very good 1 so i do feel lonely at tyms it isn't easy 2 find da right person.

I think we are still lonely because we don't know how to approach other people. Sure, we may have a lot in common, and it might be interesting, but we just don't know how to meet because we've become so accustomed to treating people the same way. That, and we have our own private lives--if we didn't want to be lonely, we'd have to sacrifice keeping our private lives. Lots of us probably don't want to lose that though.

We don't bond with people well. That's the reality of it.

Not so lonely hearts club topic

Hey ebec11, I will not judge your age. I just mean that I do not have many of the same interests as the computer age whizz teens. Though the soul is ageless. Good point.

At any rate, by now you know that here you will not be so lonely. Enough posters have responded. I hope you enjoy your time here.

I had to leave one AS site because the people there were very negative and I had nothing in common with them at all. Another site was very positive, but didn't allow off-board contact.

I'm still having trouble making friends here!

I totally sympathize. I guess it's just a typical asperger's thing - we want to have good social relationships but we aren't very good at making them.

I don't know that I signed on here explicitly looking for that kind of thing but I guess it would be nice if that kind of thing did come out of spending time here.

I think that finding a community of people who are similar to ourselves brings about a very complex and lengthy reaction in many of us. My reaction was similar to the stages of grief, but there were good things, too. All in all, it took me about six months to adapt and become happy. It was a process of growth.

It is a strange thing. It is lonely in that I have no direct 1 on 1 interaction, yet it is less lonely than not coming here, or just reading the other message boards that I read but don't post on.