mother of 9 year old aspie boy wants him to make friends any

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does anyone have any ideas on friend making for young aspies? my son's best friend is his brother who is just 11 months younger but he is getting his own friends. Help!

I'm an Aspie, and not one of my real life friends I actually initiated the contact with. They all approached me and befriended me (who knows why), so I don't know what to tell you there. But it is much easier to communicate on the internet for me than it is in real life. It's risky, though, you need to make sure he doesn't get an internet addiction. Make him post on here.

I have to say at 9 I had very few (read no) friends, Does he have any resources at school to help I had a couple of half days a week at a special unit where we were encouraged to play and socialise with other ASD er's.
For us how to make and have friends is a skill that has to be learnt and one I did not began to master until my my mid-late teens

To be honest, at 9, any friends that he does make are unlikely to be worth the effort for him. Does he talk to any one at school? As long as he's social enough to endure that, things will be better when he starts secondary school (assuming you're in the UK, because I still have noooo idea how the american system works. ^^; ). The problem is, making friends where people already have ideas about you is very, very hard. The few people that were "my friends" in primary school spoke to me for a select time, and then dumped me - a girl I considered my best friend blanked me completely when we got to secondary school (the same one).

Why don't you try getting him to join an after school/lunch time club? I did a youth theatre, and that basically taught me to talk to people I don't like and to be a bit more confident (doesn't sound like much, but it made a HUGE difference). But anything would be good, even things like non-team sports, because when you're not playing you'll still be around other people for that extra time.

I'm an Aspie, and not one of my real life friends I actually initiated the contact with. They all approached me and befriended me (who knows why), so I don't know what to tell you there. But it is much easier to communicate on the internet for me than it is in real life. It's risky, though, you need to make sure he doesn't get an internet addiction. Make him post on here.

Yeah, come to think of it...most of my friends actually sorta picked me, too.

It's not as simple as just going to social gatherings really- ya can believe that all ya want, but for Aspies, it REALLY doesn't work that way.

Hell, my GIRLFRIEND chose me! Believe me though- I couldn't possibly be luckier, she's wonderful!

big question. does he -want- friends?
my mom drove herself (and me) crazy trying to force me into social situations i didn't have an interest in.

Well, about the only time people approach me is when I am doing DDR. I like DDr a lot and also want to meet people. I found if I stay and play long enough someone will come and watch and some of them will talk with me. I would say you should find something he enjoys and get him out doing it where people can see. Since me and the other person both like DDR it makes a nonstressful middle ground, because be both can talk about it...

Unfortunately I've never made a long lasting friend this way, but for short term it's pretty nice.

Or you could just let him go on his own. Maybe he doesn't want to be around people?

I think the most important issue here is whether or not he wants to make friends. If he does, then by all means support him in that. But NTs often seem to assume that we'll be unhappy from lack of social contact, because they themselves would be unhappy in the same position. A lot of aspies just don't feel that much of a need for social interaction.

I had very few friends at nine, and it didn't really bother me. The friends I did have were kept very much at arm's length. I didn't want to play with other children - I spent my break times at school in my own world and actually got very upset if other people tried to interact with me and take that away. My mum, on the other hand, wanted me to have friends. So I got sent off pretty much every weekday evening to extracurricular activities: band, ballet, Brownies, and so on. I actually hated every moment of it and would do anything to get out of going to these clubs. I was completely exhausted from the unavoidable social contact which I had at school - when I got home I really wanted to go and read a book until bedtime in order to recuperate. The fact that I was forced to socialise just meant that I was constantly anxious and upset.

First off, AS children tend to make friends outside thier own age group, so try to put him in environments where he will be exposed to a larger age range of other kids. Secondly, use his special intrests; if he already has a major one, get him involved with a club or group. Or, sign him up for a lot of different activities and look for one or more to click. DO NOT nag or force him to do one he doesn't get interested in, though.

does HE want to make friends? or do YOU want him to make friends? that's what you need to answer. if he's ok with being solo, i wouldn't push it. if he wants to make friends, i would maybe enroll him in karate or some type of activity where he can meet kids his own age, with the same interest.

A couple of people have already said it, but I'll add in my 2¢. My mom always assumed that I needed friends, and was constantly pushing at me to go make them. Drove me ... and her ... nuts. I generally did have ONE good friend (we moved a lot, so it was a different friend), in retrospect I would bet that they too were AS.

The most miserable thing my mom did to me was make me participate in organized sports. I hated little league. I was never more miserable but when I was at practice, or worse, at a game, sitting on the bench, or out in right field where I couldn't mess anything up

I guess what I'm trying to say is imho it's best to not try and force it. And, if he makes one good friend ... leave it at that.

Oh dear God... if anyone had forced me to take part in team sports I think I'd have gone on a killing rampage. Ballet was bad enough, given that I have all the grace of a brick. PE lessons were horrific. Add in any more sports and... *shudder*

my son hates soccer and football but he does love dodge ball and karate class.

I was the completely oblivious. somewhat outgoing social type...I had a hard time telling the difference between who was my friend and who was not, unless they blatantly hit me or something...Anywhoo...all that aside....My suggestion is the Children's Museum (if there is one near you)...he can be around other kids at least...and the passive interraction might pave the way for him to make friends...possibly friends he has stuff in common with.

I was going to the Children's Museum as late as 13. Sometimes I would meet other kids there who were like me.

I was also a student library vollunteer....(I loved that, but I didn't interract with other kids.)....and I was in girl scouts (was treated like I had the plague, was the only scout to always show up to meetings in full uniform, got a perfect attendance award)

Please look at this thread (click this). My parents used to try to force me to be social, have friends, ect and I HATED it! I, and most aspies, prefer to be alone, I am much happier by myself. Like everyone else said, if he doesn't want friends don't try to force it, for your sake and his.