my son can't or won't do his homework

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if she want him to have a better chance at succeding in life. It's just the smart thing to do ya dig? of course u don't have too.

Not sure if it will work at your sons age but mabe try 'first, then'.
Like first is homework, then is a special interest thing.
My son (5yrs) has very strict after school schedule and god help me if I miss something
All the best!

Well, if you equate "life" and "success" as material wealth, then yeah, you're probably right unless one is born into a wealthy family.

"Life" can mean many things, and slaving away at something for no reason other than what others want you to do isn't life to me.

My daughter refuses to do her homework, sees school as pointless as she already knows everything ( her words ) and the rest of the stuff she won't use in adult life anyways. I personally have given up trying to push her as it ends up in a big argument and silence for hours. I would love her to do well but she will do what she wants to do regardless of any input i give her
I am very proud of the things she can do and tell her almost daily so if she is having problems in other areas then we can deal with it when she is ready to

From around 6th grade on, I never did homework. Always passed, always got promoted to next grade, because teachers knew that I knew the material.

I was in all honors classes, until 9th grade. When picking classes in 8th grade, I wasn't doing too well in English. So I decided to go to regular English. End result - the easier class bored me even more... so I asked to go to Honors the next year. This time, the teacher refused (All the other Honors teachers sent me to honors because I knew the material). So, in essense, I was stuck in regular English for the entirity of my schooling. I ended up failing 10th grade english.

Because of being behind, and the lack of any challenge whatsoever in high school, I ended dropping out halfway thru 12th grade.

I got a GED with honors, I missed one question (stupid mistake)

I don't regret it.

I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I went to a private high school where they made me work, and that suited me well. I was one of the youngest students in my class (I turned 14 in November of my 9th grade year and went through that grade and one quarter of 10th). I did well in all subjects except math. I guess I am something of an oddball because I liked to read and study.

I never did a single bit of homework and got into a lot of trouble with teachers because of it. There were a couple of times when teachers became suspicious of me and thought I was cheating tests because I was scoring amongst the highest marks without having to try.
My mum was always trying to get me to do the homework but nothing worked. The more she moaned at me the more I pushed back. In the end she realized it was futile to try making me do anything and she decided to let me do what I wanted to do.

As an adult I am very happy with where I am in life, I have chosen my own path and I make my own luck. I do not struggle for money, am on good terms with my family (well, good for an aspie ) and I have never been in trouble with the law for anything. If I had been pushed to do my homework then I would possibly be better paid right now, but I seriously doubt I would have anywhere near the life experience I have racked up and that I would know myself anything close to the way I know myself right now.
In many ways I was right to see homework (amongst other things) as pointless as I learnt more in my own time and from my parents in a single week then school ever taught me through my entire childhood.

My advice would be this. Talk to your child and explain why you think school and homework are important for them and be sure to explain the potential consequences of the actions your child decides to take (sorry i keep saying your child, can't remember if it's a boy or girl!). Explain that you will always support your child but that they have to take responsibility for their own actions and live with the consequences.

I wish you and your child luck.

Thank you everybody for responding! My son (who will be 14 in May) goes to a great LD private school. He likes the school, teachers, etc. If he could pass w/out doing his homework that would be one thing, but it makes up such a large part of his grade that he has to do it. Also, he doesn't know all the material, he may be bored but it's not because he already knows it all. We've tried to punish him, motivate him w/money & other things, we give him positive reinforcement when he does well. He doesn't read, he doesn't write, he doesn't draw. His only interests are Invader Zim and his computer. Once, we took his computer away and all he ahd to do to get it back was to make his bed 3 days in a row. It took him 6 weeks to get it back. He has control issues, and I honestly think he does this (and other things) just as a "I'll show you!" kinda thing. It's not that he doesn't do ANY of his homework,
he just turns most of it in late or doesn't finish it. He has always been the kind that will walk away from a challenge. WHATEVER the prize for overcoming the challenge may be, he'll always determine that it's not worth the effort & walk away. He INVITES defeat.

Many of you also suggested talking to him. He can't give any reasons for not doing his homework. When we ask him, he just goes zombie & shuts down. Anytime we criticize him he gets pissed & tries to change the subject. No matter how kindly or constructively raise the issue of him doing something wrong or taking responsibility for his actions, he shuts down.

Between 14-15 I did no work in school other than paint a mural and write the odd, short story, sketch/play. I've aways needed these breaks, but it didn't occur to me to question why at the time. At 22 I was diagnosed with Executive Dysfunction that later lead on to my Asperger's diagnosis. I had worked hard to get all the way to my final year of university, but the bubble finally burst and I had to quit. I wasn't failing academically, far from it, but mentally I was regressing badly. It has taken till now to recover and I'm not quite there yet but much improved.

Maybe he doesn't know the answer. How much do you know about you mind using your "mind's eye"? It taken me a bloody long to learn what I know about myself and that is just the tip of the iceberg, which on the cutting edge of what we know.

Shutting down != defiant. There could be a whole magnitude of reasons why. Depression is common one though I wouldn't jump to conclusions too early.

If he does well in school maybe they could offer him an alternative to homework that he can do in school that would stimulate him.

Could partly be a teenage defiance thing as well? You son maybe thinking I won't do it and you can't make me.
Could he get extra help with the work he doesn't understand or be put in a higher level if he is bored?

Don't underestimate the power of puberty. Its about the right time too. It might clear up on it's own. Trust me when I say your son is entering the hardest part of his life.

I wouldn't necessarily write it all off as him just being defiant or not wanting to do it.

There are a lot of times I change the subject, and it's simply because I DON'T have a good reason for not doing something, but it is something I cannot bring myself to do, no matter what the cost. I cannot count how many times I've wound up hospitalized due to a really bad kidney infection (I get them chronically) simply because I would not pick up the phone and schedule a doctor's appointment.

Those things simply do not take priority over my interests, ultimately. If I do not have a very clear reason as to EXACTLY why I must do something, it's like I cannot prioritize it in my mind. If there is not an immediate result that I can see for not doing something, I will not do it until I have absolutely no alternatives...and even then, it's iffy.

My son is the same way about taking things away. Once I cleared out his entire room because he kept leaving everything laying all over the place and people kept getting hurt trying to walk in, his toys kept on winding up broken, and his response was "that's okay... I'll get them back some day". That was his reasoning behind it, nothing more, I don't think. It made him uncomfortable and that was how he made it seem not so bad for himself.

He cannot express how he actually feels about things most of the time, so when confronted with something uncomfortable, he can just say it makes him feel bad, or he doesn't know what is wrong. There is nothing more to it, he just literally doesn't know, and will immediately switch the subject to something that he DOES know how to talk about, lol. I do the same thing.

One year, I didn't do my homework for my government class-a class I had to pass with at least a B in order to graduate. So my mother called up the school, and set up a meeting with my teacher for us. We figured out a plan so that I could make up the homework, and the teacher even let me do some research type things/essays to make up for some of it. I felt a lot better once I had that done, and I paid a lot more attention in class.

It's not easy to feel like something is important if you don't understand why it is, except that it will make everyone around you mad.... and it doesn't help to be interrogated over something you don't really understand yourself anyway-that just makes the whole thing seem even more overwhelming... at least for me, that's how it was.

My mother also sent a note every single day to my teacher, where I would have to sign after I completed an assignment, and the teacher would have to initial as well... then when I got home, I would have to sign once I finished my homework and my mother would sign once she looked over it.

It was a pain, yes, but it did help out a little. Mainly because I knew it was being monitored-it was VISIBLE that it was being monitored rather than other people just telling me the same stuff over and over about getting it done. Maybe that could help a little bit with your son. It's a lot easier to not do something when you know the ONLY result it will have is a lecture or getting yelled at... it almost becomes a routine after a while, and still has no real consequence-at least for me it didn't... it was always a temporary consequence, I knew it wouldn't last forever, etc. I got used to it.

Once I had that paper, I wanted those signatures every day, I got used to it keeping me on-task.

Something that helps with my son, also is a "completion" chart. Each month I put up a chart, and he gets to color in the days after he gets his homework done, etc. We have a picture of something he'd like to get, and if he gets all of his homework done for 2 weeks, he reaches his "goal" item and gets to get it at the store...

I'm going with this option. It might also be that when given the homework, the teachers aren't being explicit enough and he simply doesn't know what to do. I get confused over things no one else ever does. And I'm quite bright.

Plus, are there any extenuating factors? Bullying? Family trouble? Anything like that? I experienced some hardcore bullying in the 7th grade, but never told my mother about it, because her questions about my school experiences that day were never specific enough.

I agree Lastcrazyhorn, and Marshall. I think it's hard making any teen do something they don't want to, but an AS teen it's almost impossible, especially if they don't see a point to it.

My brother had a chart that was in the front of his trapper keeper that he had to write his assignments on, and what he needed to complete his assignments. (he was always forgetting supplies, and books at school) His aide would check to make sure what he wrote was correct, and help him remember to take his stuff home. My mom had to sign it when he completed his homework. That seemed to help for some reason.

Have you tried letting him make his own schedule after school? Like, from 3:00 to 4:00 play video games, then do homework until 5:00. Maybe, if he gets to make his own schedule (within reason) he'll feel more in control.

Positive reinforcement is the only thing that will work. If you're trying to break his will, you will lose, every time. The harder you pull the harder his heels will dig in. Have you tried setting up a behavior chart? Like for every homework assignment that he completes he gets a point, and after he gets to the predetermined amount he gets a new game, or whatever it is that he wants really badly.