Who makes the unwritten rules?

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NT men are loathe to approach a pair of women. You would have to split them up.

So its less that shes looking for a date, and more that shes perceived as available/approachable. If you have ever heard of a guy having a "wing man" that refers to the friend talking to the other woman so that one isnt left out. Same with "taking one for the team", but thats a little more crude.

On the other hand, a woman is far more likely to ditch a friend and leave with a guy. Two male friends are less likely to do that to each other.

Who makes them? I suppose that would be everyone.

Over time any idea, if enough people hold on to it, can become an unwritten rule. A lot of these are made up by people who are very much unlike me, and so I can't really be expected to understand all of them, and I certainly have no intention of following them blindly if I don't understand them.

Some unwritten rules are okay, of instance I rather like the "No touching Anders" rule I have introduced in school.

Other unwritten rules I dislike, like the "No talking of the elephant in the room" rule.

Others are outright insane, like the (If rather outdated) "No associating with jews" rule that applied throughout Europe half a century ago, and which is still followed by a select few idiots.

"don't talk back to the cool kids"

this is stupid.


"don't associate with gays,lesbians or bisexuals."

Broke all three of these.

"don't associate with people who are overweight"

broke this one as well.

"don't eat peas with your fingers"

another broken one!

"don't talk to the emo kids."

MEAN.

"don't talk with your mouth full"

why NOT?

"if you're a tomboy,you MUST like sports,if you're girly you MUST be boy-crazy"

I don't fit either of these.

"insanity is creepy and cool at the same"

why didn't anyone tell me?!

these are th ones that come to mind right now.^^

i love that everyone here asks the same questions that i've been asking all my life. PHEW!

if the rules are unwritten how am i supposed to know about them? trial and error is a painful way to learn, can't someone write a book .. oh wait, emily post did, i read that and thought it was intensely stupid.

I stim in public too, I just never knew that it was stimming.
I used to play baritone horn (ten years ago?) and ever since then, I apply pressure on the inside of my palms with my fingers as if I'm fingering a scale when I'm nervous. Never even really thought about it.
I bounce my feet and tap and twirl my hair - I do 'socially acceptable' stims.

I think you just learn what you can and adapt enough so that your everyday existence is as comfortable as possible without sacrificing too much of who you are.

Who as a singlar is a interesting term. I don't think it was one single person but groups of people over generations. NT's or people who THOUGHT they were NT, who wanted the world to be more organized and less colorful. gray and bleak. They probably thought it would somehow prevent chaos among people (war would probably be too severe a term.) nevertheless destorying individuality is not the answer. If it were, we'd be happy.

A thought is noone is every really NT, there is NO standerd for the human mind. Everyone is definately different and I BELIEVE everyone is diagnosable, for something or other. Makes sense when you think that many disabilities like aspergers for example at most have only started being diagnosed in the past 30 or so years (if my dates are wrong feel free to correct.) New disorders are discovered (really just named) everyday.

Okay, I'm done. That was long huh?

The unwritten rules are culturally determined and then you can throw in issues of ethnicity and class for more fun as different classes have different rules.

Who makes the "social" rules? Maybe all members of a social group (high-school etc) try to impose views and would like to be the "rule-makers."...Yet only the most popular, most persuasive people get others to follow their rules...

Hey I love A&E..Hollister..nothing wrong with them. They have beautiful color and design. And they do look cool

I think it's guys that CAN go into clubs alone, not girls. Girls aren't really supposed to go to either the club or the bar by themselves. But in big cities, WHO CARES? Nobody will ever know what you do..and you can always say you got lost from your friends.

I just learned this social rule:


It is not polite to compare Hitler and the nazis to something. You automatically lose the argument that way too. Godwin's Law

NTs make the unwritten rules. They always have and they always will. They can't tolerate people who are different from themselves. You have to like the things that they like. You have to wear, what they wear. You can't stim, or have a favourite object with you. You're only allowed to engage in small talk. I'm glad that my friends aren't hung up, on these things and that I'm allowed to be myself, around them. This is the reason that I don't bother with people outside the clubhouse and You've Got To Have Friends. I know that I don't like the unwritten rules, that society imposes on people, who are different. I hope that all of this will change, one day. This has been going on, since the days of the movie, Rain Man. I've noticed that when I've started High School, in the fall of 1988, that the kids were nicer to me. As soon as the movie, Rain Man came out, they've started to turn on me. Society doesn't roll out the red carpet, for people who are different from themselves. They shun people who are different. To hell with society. I'm better off going to clubs, where most of the members or people understand me. Who wants to be normal? Normal is boring!

It is the popular, beatiful NT's who get to make the rules which I never followed anyway. The nice thing about getting older is that you can break the rules and nobody cares. It is in your teens and twenties that you are forced to rigidly adhere to these rules.

Another thing i noticed is alot the "ugly" NT's understand autistic's world a bit more Becausr they're un=popular as well.

Exactly! That's what I've been saying all along. Sure, most NTs in this case would say "that's just how it is". But since the rule even exists, someone has to have created it at one point. It didn't just materialize out of thin air. There has to be a person or people who make the unwritten rules, and/or decide what's cool.

The unwritten rules are dictated by the invisible armies of the powers that be. These rules help the PTB keep the herd neatly packed together. The more the sheep behave like each other, the easier it is to control them. Plus the very herd learns to police each other by shunning those who behave differently, which is additional help for the PTB.

The "norm", the "acceptable"", the "appropriate", the "moral", the "fashionable", the "normal", the "polite", the "common sense" are all ways dictated from above to keep people manageable.

The only thing the all powerful have to fear is for the herds to become unmanageable.

I don't know if I would throw in common sense into the mix for unwritten rules...I don't see any common sense in most of the NTs I work with...I don't think common sense is the ability to follow what everyone else does, without knowing why...hmmm

Why are there unwritten rules?


We learn them by being told about them. I thought all kids are taught the unwritten rules and they grow up and pass it down to their kids but I found out, they can figure them out on their own as they get older if they were never told them. But we have to be told them. Some I have figured on my own just by watching what other people do. Like I learned you always say "Oh I'm sorry" when someone tells you someone in their family has died, or they tell you something tragic has happened to them or to someone else they know. Then I started being told online by few of my buddies, "You didn't cause it so why are you sorry?" "No need to be sorry, you didn't do anything," and I;d tell them I was just being nice, it's something you say when something bad has happened to someone. I got told by one of my aspie friends, doing that just means I don't have empathy at all and I am lacking it.
I was also told by someone on here when I first joined in 2006 what I am doing means I am lacking it because I am copying other people.
What am I supposed to do instead? I just want to be polite, be a nice person, not someone cold hearted. Isn't that what everyone does? NTs learn from other people just by watching their moves and figuring out, that's the unwritten rule. So what's the difference between us learning them too by watching and none aspies doing it too?