Underlying Cause of Asperger's Syndrome: Existential Dread?

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Existential dread....yes....come to think of it, it is the overriding theme of many of the songs and poem I have written.....so yes.....

This is a song I wrote when I was 22 that is an example.


All this stuff
All this stuff
All this stuff
All this stuff

I will play games I will turn somersaults
Drink the wine, speak in rhymes, laugh and beg to be a part of all this stuff

The book you read at night before you fall asleep
Wondering where the fly builds it's nest
wondering why despite all the the changes
Nothing stays the same

Soul like a cardboard box
Filled with an accumulation of thoughts
Thoughts filled with an accumulation of ALL THis Stuff

All this stuff
All this stuff
All this stuff
All this stuff

Ten million poets reflected in the sky
Ten million billion childred
Is there enough magic in the mines to support their well adjusted growth?

We're all in space but we can breathe
Now thinking that we've got to leave
We're worshipping the Christmas Trees
And we are all such honey bees
Waggle Dancing in all this stuff
Shaking and Baking in all this stuff

Excuse me while I cut off my ear,
You know I can drive, but I can't steer
It's a crowded city I'm the only one here
Walking around and looking at all this stuff

Maybe I should learn a trade
Got to school and get good grades
So my checks will be higher when I get paid
And When I die, I will not fade
I will have left behind
A whole lot of Stuff

All this stuff
All this stuff
All this stu-u-u-ff

makes more sense as a song than a poem...but has always been one of my favorites and only an example of one of many on the same subject

which reminds me of another song I wrote when I was in my late teens..

My previous post was just addressing existential issue at face value, as thing in itself. Upon looking at title of thread again, I do not believe that existential dread is cause of Asperger's. Dread could be a possible result.
Literature says in many places that both anxiety & depression can develop in person with ASD-in part because of how other people treat that person (so that's not inherent to ASD, but consequence of social environment), in part because of an outlook that person happens to have (which can occur in NT's also).

I just found a pretty good definition of autism and what it is.. explained in a way that makes a lot of sense to me even more so than a huge technical, scientific definition:

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The autistic brain quite simply has a notably different neurology in how it functions, much like a cat and dog are different in neurology, though seem mostly alike in many ways: a cat isn't a defective dog, just a cat. Likewise, if a cat attempts to be a dog, it doesn't work so well in practice: a cat that tries to be something it's not (a dog) will end up with mental problems from attempting to live that lie. So, too, will autistics have more psychological problems brought on by trying to (or being forced to externally) act like neurotypical (aka "everyone else") people, because it isn't natural, and results in a lot of long-term stress.

Mental illness is something that's transient, or at least it develops over time: autistics are born that way, and it can't be cured, and it doesn't go away with time: it is a developmental difference, and some types of expected developments may not happen, or happen much later, while still other developments may be something neurotypicals never have themselves.


***Question, Does this seem like a viable explanation to you all? or is it something that can be "cured" or corrected.. or maybe no one really knows yet? Are there proven brain scans that show that the autistic brain really is structurally different???

Yeah, I think I was about 13 or 14 when I realized one day that ultimately any reason or rationale for any kind of behavior is arbitrary, and furthermore that someday, the last human being will die. On a short timescale, of course, I don't see any inevitable threat to mankind, or myself personally- but at some point for some reason, it's a given that I, every person I've ever met, everyone I'm related to and everything I've done will be forgotten, because forever is a pretty long time for any kind of information to persist. I think there are a significant number of people who never really develop an understanding of how much time a billion years is, and how unlikely it is that after that much time passes there will be any humans, anywhere. All of Ray Kurzweil's speculations aside. I think that's a large part of what is meant by existential dread. I try not to think about it, what do you all do? And of course there's the fermi paradox- and the simplest conclusion you can draw from it is that any technological civilization probably only has a certain lifespan before all material resources get used up. That particular conclusion is subject to a lot of unknowns though and may not be correct, but how do you keep from feeling a little anxious when you've already come to the conclusion that we're all just dandelion fluff? Given a long enough timescale even famous people like Ceasar and George W. Bush will be forgotten. I don't think this has a lot to do with AS though except that somehow most people seem to be able to choose opinions based on what they want to be true rather than what the actual facts are, and deny reality by force of will. Or maybe they're really unaware of these things, and a tendency to play fast and loose with logic has allowed them to overlook the obvious.
Personally, I find that whiskey helps.

I have enough real things to worry about to worry about existential dread...

I actually took a class in existentialism in College, focusing on Albert Camus. I discovered that Philosophy is the art of applying infinitives to ordinary life. It was either self-evident, or hopelessly vague to me...

It depends on where you fall in Maslow's hierarchy of needs. If you're worried about feeding a family, keeping a job, and dealing with various ailments, you literally don't have time to worry about one hand clapping, etc.. I probably wondered about life, the Universe and Everything, but once I hit 42, I realized I didn't have an answer...

I really don't dread much of anything. As far as the meaning of life and existence go, I have my theories. Assuming my theories are correct, I have nothing to fear.

From an early age I was very philosophical, and when I got to an age to grasp the meaning of nothingness, or not existing, it scared the crap out of me. To a point where even now, if I manage to dwell too much on losing my sense of self, I go into a panic attack.

Even the possibility of losing my memory via amnesia, or going through surgery without "being" when knocked out on anaesthetics, scares me like nothing else.

I've put a notion in my head, that I must be immortal. Immortality would be the best thing in the world for me, I would trade anything and don't usually understand parables or morality plays where a person wishes for immortality only to be given their wish which they eventually regret. I'd be able to think of something to do, and couldn't think of anything more amazing than watching history in the making for all of eternity.

I have never seen a ghost, but if i saw one, it would be the most amazing revelation for me in the universe. The proof of something after death, SOMETHING. It means that we could have some presence or existence after this world, and that alone amazes me.

The only upside I see to death, nowadays, a mode of thought that actually comforts me, is that anyone who dies is finally able to discover the mysteries of the universe, either through not existing, or through reaching some ethereal plane of existence, and that prospect is pretty much all that gets me through thoughts of death and impending nothingness, otherwise the existential dread would probably crush my inspiration.

I've been in a chronic, off-and-on state of existential angst ever since I stopped believing in god at the age of 17.