The Biggest Assburger

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Well, it's December. That means the year is 11/12ths of the way over! Anyway, I think it might be a good idea to create an annual award called the Biggest Assburger. Whoever's the biggest Assburger of the year wins the award. If you're a big Assburger and haven't been nominated yet, by all means, nominate yourself! It's very Assburger to do that.

I was expecting an interesting picture, but you're idea sounds good too.

Thanks, I nominate you, by the way.

What are the defining characteristics of an AssBurger?

...is this a good thing or a bad thing?

What exactly is an Assburger?

I'm a big Assburger, because I can have a very rebellious attitude, sometimes. I also look down my nose at NT Youths and Children. Especially if I hear them making rude noises. Every time my Dog poops on somebody's Lawn, I jingle my Poop Bag up and down. I cuss when my Best Friend and I are hangning out at the front the Clubhouse that we go to. I do my Austin Powers impressions and if it drives somebody crazy, I do them twice as much. Durring the Winter, I'd rather walk down the street looking like Andy Capp than wear Canadian colours. I'm not afraid to tell people that Cockney Accents make me Horny. December is the only month that I don't get PMS. I get along with my Dog, five times as much as I get along with people. I tend to have mornings in which I rant and rave to myself. I have a greater relationship with my Laptop than I have with my family and relatives, except for my Little Chico Dog. I have a better relationship with my Dog, than I do my Computer. The only time I appear to be happy is in December. I burp when someone ticks me off. I ask people if Penis shaped things make them Horny. Once at the age of 16, I've warped the words to 'Ring Around the Rosie' and I yelled, "We all get High!", at the end.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/4479240.stm

Is this supposed to be a friendly award, or are people like LetsGoBlues and Will Freund eligable?

i finally got the "assburger" part (took me awhile) but i still don't know what it has to do with this topic.

might i suggest that people can only nominate themselves, or those in the public eye/media/not on this board, please? then no-one can be offended by a nomination.

...Or pick a new title for the award where you can more easily tell if it is supposed to be a good thing or not. Assburger is a common insult against us.

I nominate myself soley on the grounds that I disagree with the suggestion posted before me. I find that offending people is a constant source of personal entertainment, as I can never feel bad for doing so since taking offence to a comment is a sign of personal insecurity, which of course only makes it funnier for me.

Though never intentional, I've managed to outright (publicly) insult people's children/pets/ideas/mannerisms/religion without even trying. Imagine what I'd be like if I did. So in true assburger fashion, I demand this award be given to me immediately without considering the other candidates (if this is an award for biggest jerk)...otherwise, get bent.

-AA

I'm definitely the biggest 'Assburger' around here, but I'm too shy to show it.

I'm 260, 6'2. I think, I'm probably one of the largest assburgers here.

Can I nominate myself as the smallest?

(4'10, 112 lbs)