HI I AM NEW HERE! CAN YOU HELP ME FIND SOME ANSWERS

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take her to church on a regular basis. morning church.

it doesn't matter which denomination or faith, since they all tend to besimilar in foundation, kinda like the autistic spectrum disorders.

you will solve a few of your concerns by doing so;

1.) whichever bible is taught would have a good foundation at the very least for living a 'good' life and all religion is based in faith, which encourafes hope. ie: life after death, meaning, purpose, etc...

2.) it will give her a chance to interact with people her own age.

3.) it will force her to get up and live the day, at least on sundays.

4.) generally speaking, churh folk tend to be inviting creatures, which will ease her awkward transition into social situations. (they seem to welcome with open arms)

5.) you've heard the term 'Church Social', well its been heard for a reason. church folk always have something going on, especially for those teenagers. It seems that idle hands are the devils playground, so they gotta keep those impressionable teens busy or the devils gonna git em.


Anyways, that's my advice for a soft landing. But beware the hippocrits.

She goes to church on sundays with her grandmother but she either stays in the van or lays down on the church pew. I can't understand why she lets her do that especially there. She needs stucture. Just because she is "different" doesn't mean she needs to do as she wishes. We all need structure and disapline.

I understand your concern for your niece. You want to make sure she's ready for the world when she goes out on her own. However, you also have to understand that there's really no such thing as "normal". "Normal" is exclusively a social construct, an understanding that we have with each other to do, say, act or think in ways that we, as a group, find acceptable. But sometimes, people simply don't go by what everyone else does and that's okay as long as the person isn't getting hurt and can function enough to take care of themselves.

Now if it's something that's going to interfere with her life as she goes out into the world, yes, she'll have to be taught how to find a way to be who she is, yet do what's necessary to survive. This can be done with the help of professionals who'll teach her life and social skills. If it's something that's unusual but works for her anyway, then there's no need to worry. What concerns me is that your niece's grandparents don't seem to take her education seriously and on that front, she could be missing out. She needs to be schooled regularly and consistantly whether it's at home or in a school. If the grandparents are afraid of the way others will treat her, then, they might want to introduce her to other kids that homeschool on a gradual basis, just to see how your niece copes. Nowadays, there are homeschool associations that get kids together so they'll have contact with others and still keep in homeschool.

Personally, I think the notion that kids have to be social butterflies, act in typical teenage ways and what-not is overated to the max. I think the reason why we want our kids to be like everyone else is that it hurts our own ego to have a child not everyone finds acceptable. We feel ashamed because we think we did something wrong. And there's also fear that others might treat them with cruelty. But people are going to be cruel anyway because of their own insecurities and even if she wasn't different, they'd find something else, however miniscule, to harp on. Your niece might or might not be autistic but she will always be different and if you try to make her mask it, it'll just cause her so much stress she'll have another set of problems even worse than what she started out with.

To use and reuse the words "normal" or "not normal" is a bit jarring for me. That implies, at least to me, that the members of this board are "not normal" in your eyes.

Why is the mother unfit? If it's untreated mental illness, that is probably what is going on with your niece, not ASD. And I'm totally confused how the mother can be the cause of the father being in jail but lets just let that go as its probably not germain to your neice and her issues.

You are in a tough situation. I see only two choices....stay involved with the family and do as much as you can for the girl or call in the authorities. Staying involved can run the gambit from taking her on "field trips" once in a while to basically taking over her education. As for the authorities...well homeschools are regulated in the US and it does't seem like authorities would like what they see.

Good luck to you and your neice.

BeeBee

The girl deserves an education, to be sure. I was picked on during school, but after middle school, it pretty much goes away. I will admit, however, that a middle school setting is one of the harshest times in a child's life, and there are ways to avoid it, i.e. going to a school that runs from K-8 or K-12. If it comes down to getting a tutor (which I doubt, since she can't afford private school) then so be it. I definitely concur she needs some schooling.
Her social situation seems grim as well. I, myself, tend to avoid social situations that I find unnecessary, but sometimes it's a necessity, and avoiding everyone completely will not help at all. We all know that, but whaty can we do? Perhaps it can be something as simple as going to the park a few days a week (I'm talking about the kind of park where people walk their dogs and cycle, not necessarily a playground). That could start it. Try to talk to her, if she'll let you. If she can grow to find some affinity for you, you'll more-than-likely find many ofd your questions can be answered, if approached in the right manner. Be careful with that, though, if you're considering, because if you try too fast it's not going to work. I'm just throwing out suggestions, but I think it will really help if she can bond with even just one person.

Hee~ I hate to harp on you about normal and not normal, but... ha ha, trust me, people who are "perfectly normal" will generally get no where in life because they'll be like everyone else. Uniqueness is something that should be encouraged.
Otherwise, I believe the term you use as normal is defined in a developmental context. That's different, somewhat, but not everyone goes through the same stages. This could be a prolonged phase, lengthened by the lack of social interaction. Again, none of us can truly be sure because we don't know your neice.

You say she's on the computer all day. What does she do? Play games? Write? Use the Internet?

Church was suggested, and you replied that the time she spends in church is not productive. However, the suggestion was to get her <i>involved</i> in church functions, i.e. a youth group. Then again, perhaps your neice doesn't even believe in God, so she chooses not to participate. Or, she's used to doing those things without intervention, and she thinks it's okay.

I dunno if what I've typed helped at all, but hopefully it did.

Yours,
Buck Daniel Masters

I'm really concerned about the sleeps all day. It's a sign of depression. And I'm concerned about the grandparents raising her since she was 2, because I'm sure they're great, but it makes some problems, and the pacing back and forth in front of the computer sounds like something else too. It might very well be Autism, it might be something a little more serious.

I'm not a psychiatrist, so I'm not going to go any further with this, except to say that you need to see one, and he or she needs to know specifically about the things I mentioned. The rest is probably something that will get better or change if the stuff I just laid out is looked at.

Good luck

I didn't mean to Jarr you bee bee I was trying to explain the situation without doing that. I was trying to compare her behaviors with her other sister and my own daughter and their peers. I know however that she is her own person and she has her own personality and that is what makes her who she is. I do not what to change her however I just want to be there and help her if needed. I help you understand my concern a little more, I am a mother of 4 and my husband and I are getting the grandparents and the 2 children a new home so they are living with us for the time being. So this is the most time I have ever spent with her. We have beeen trying to get her sleeping habits back in order so she can be a little more social in the daytime and help her get back into doing school. We have tried to get he to go to bed earlier and wake up in the morning. Now we tried this for a week with noo luck. Then on Monday morning my husband woke her up and she never got up. within a 2 hour time span he had tried 3 times to wake her with no luck. then on the fourth her grandmother tried and she got up and screamed at her grandmother to the point it turned into be very scary for my husband. Now maybe if we knew that it was something else going on with her we could have handled the situation a little more differently. She is a good child most of the time time really quiet and never rude or mean unless provoked. However the way she was screaming at my mother in law , pointing her finger and shaking her hand was scary for my husband. He really thought she was going to hit her. We often thought it might just be that they have grown up with no dissapline and have always done what they have choose to do. I just am not sure how to approach this situation and I don't want to do anything I awill regret later. Or that may hurt her emotionally.

concernedaunt wrote:

So is there a big difference in there behaviours? What is the age difference who is older?

beentheredonethat wrote:

sleeping during the day is not a sing of depression, sleeping a lot is a sine of depression.

concernedaunt wrote:

If she has got spectrum syndrome which sounds likely from what u sad chances are that her sleeping during the day is a way to get away from the over stimulation of the day bright, noisy ect it is what I do. Sleeping during the day is not bad for you (as long as you have a pattern that allow fro a couple of hours up while the sun is)


ADD mabey they do tend to run togher in familles.

At least she dosnt scream all the time for no reason. And whats wrong with laying down on the church benches?

gump said, "normal is as normal does."

i was reading to fast and i thought you wrote Jarr Jarr BeeBee. The geeks aroud here know what i mean.

Laying down on church benches is a good way to find tithe scraps.


Now serious, seriously.

From what i have been reading, perhaps she needs some concrete instructions. By allowing her to have her way simply to avoid a tantrum is offering her a reward for her actions, and thus she will keep on doing them.

Naive. we all come into this world as naive to the ways of the world. By allowing a child to set their own standards as to how she behaves is like allowing her to raise herself, and a lazy job of parenting. The grandparents, your husband and yourself have lived a lot longer, and are thus a little more keen on how the world really works. TEACH HER.

I am wondering why you are even here, wasting your time. Do you want us to tell you that she has this or that? we cannot diagnose her, most people around these parts have some kind of SPECTRUM DISORDER (advantage) which makes it all to encompassing. So much that professionals cannot come to agreement on absolute patterns, 60 years after it was first described.

You must stop asking advice and do something. You have stated that you have tried to do all you can, but the grandparents this and that. I think you live in a soap opera world and you have an addiction for conflict. And to complicate matters, you love to play the martyr. If we were to validate your suspicions then you would certainly tell the town and be right in the middle of the story of the day. The role you were conditioned to play.

Sorry if its a harsh truth to hear and i'm certain of the denial, but by you asking and not doing anything at all is not helping your odd little niece (According to whom). To put it simply;
Get off your ARSE and do something, if you actually feel like something needs to be done. And the first thing i suggest; try talking to her. Although chances are she won't be very open.
Next step' take interrest in her and her interrests. Take her shopping to her kind of stores, and to lunch. How bout a costume shop, can't afford it, take a picture, buy the materials and work on making her an outfit, together. That way, over time (and altruistic investment from you) she will bond with you and allow you to delve into her inner self a little more. Especially now, what does grandma know about those funny feelings she's getting, granny probably has got cob-webs. She will be curious and looking to ask advice from some-one less naive. Be a role model, a friend a rock.


Sounds like she has never had structure. Has abandonment issues (probably her 'start-up' hurdle). Never had any role model, either adult or peer. And has never been advised that her behavior is completely not acceptable. I admit i acted similar as a child, but i refuse to allow tantrums from my own children, what benefit would there be for them if i did?

AND FINALLY,
be careful what you write, people around here tend to find only the literal terms in subject matter and perhaps a little case of hyper-sensitivity. And have poor communication skills (come across different than intended) So stop apologizing for your Faux-Paux, your wasting yours and everybody elses time. Besides the people you pissed off tended to give the best responses. Appease their passions and you will lose the better arguments.


i have really got to learn when to stop!! !

i hope not face first. i learned as a child why they call em pews. Apparently churchies eat too much brocolli and deviled eggs.

Depending on the state in which you live there are resources available for evaluation even of homeschooled children. I suggest you start there.
The evalutation should be what is called a functional behavior assessment. This will identify her strengths and weaknesses and give you some idea of how to intervene.
It sounds as if some difficult family dynamics are involved and you might want to get some advice about how to handle that. families tend to develop their own stable system and when you try to change something the system will resist it.
As far as changing the sleep schedule, the first thing to do would be to see when and how she sleeps. Then consult with a child behavior specialist (if she can't go you can still go and ask questions) aout how to change it so that she is healthier. It could be that they will develop a behavior plan which rewards the changes in sleep patterns and it could be modified within a couple of months. Also, see if you can accomodate her communication style by working out some ways that are more informative to you of what she wants. when i was a kid therapist we had cards that the kids would hold out when they wanted something, for example if a kid wanted the walkman they could put a yellow card (meaning question) on the walkman. when they were asked if they wanted to use it, they could hold up a green card for yes. red meant no or stop.
my main suggestion is that you consult with someone who has some expertise at this.

hee

I thought I was the only one who misread it that way.

It can be potentially dangerous to state specific conditions she might have,as it can make people who aren't researched in them unneccessarily paranoid.
ADHD is the name for a group of often debilitating or impairing traits,with hyperactivity as just one of them.
Hyperactivity (on it's own) is very common,concernedaunt mentions only a hyperactivity component and the rest as [I hate to use this word in my own post] "normal".
Does she have any difficulties at school,concernedaunt?