Being treated like a child as an adult.

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Do people ever speak to you like you're 2? It happens with me all the time and I hate it.

Here's an example;

During a college interview about a week or two ago, I told the interviewer that I had difficulties with eye contact and socialising.

He said "well, you're doing ok now". I replied "Well, you're older than me, it's my peers I have trouble with". His response was something I'm very used to, and I hate it. He talked to me like I was a child; very exaggerated and condescending.

"I beg your pardon!", he pouted, whilst putting his hands on his hips, and raising his eyebrows, "Are you calling me an old fart?!". To which I became very embarrassed, stumbled over my words, and failed to explain properly what I meant.

I hate it when people do that. I'm 19 years, not 19 months. I don't need to be babied. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. How do you respond to that?

Perhaps he was simply joking, but I don't see other 19 year olds treated this way. They're treated like adults, even when being joked with... Especially when they're being joked with, even.

Was it because I was "too blunt" with what I said? How was I too blunt though? It was true. He was older than me, but that didn't mean to say I was calling him ancient or anything. It wasn't as if I said "well, you're old!!", I said older than, which was true, but his reaction was typical to when I'm too blunt with my words.

How else could I explain, though? I don't have as much trouble communicating with people who're a bit older than me, it's mostly teens and people in their early 20s I can't connect with.

I just don't understand his reaction to my comment at all. The only thing I can think of was that I was too blunt, but I really, honestly don't understand what was so "blunt" about my comment at all. How else could I have worded it?

Anyone have an answer to his reaction, and has this ever happened to you? If so, how often?

I find it very depressing that at 19 years old, I'm still treated like a 2 year old by people. Every other similar aged people (18-20) I've met have been treated like adults. I feel as though people underestimate me; think I'm stupid. I don't appreciate being spoken to like a child at 19 years of age.

You did absolutely nothing wrong. You said he was older, which was true. He might say that "what you said carried a connotation that he was 'old'" -- but HE inserted that connotation himself. It's not our inability to understand the connotations of what we say, it's their fallacy of inserting those connotations themselves. In reality, you implied nothing of the sort. You were just making a simple statement of fact. It's not your fault. Don't worry

I am sorry. That does suck. It sucks being treated like a child and underestimated.

He was joking. He was also deflecting your comment so he didn't have to actually deal with it. And, yes, it's very annoying.

Patricia

Thank you. That was just what I needed to hear.

You're right, I was stating a fact and that's exactly how I expected him to take it. I wasn't expecting his response at all. As a college tutor, who knew I had Asperger's syndrome, I would have thought he'd understand if I wasn't exactly subtle with my words. :S No body really understands this syndrome at all.

He probably was joking, but I never see other 19 year olds joked with in this manner. I just felt a little embarrassed because yet again, I'd done something that made someone react in a very unpredictable manner and I didn't understand why. I expected a little nod of understanding like I normally get when mentioning AS, but instead, I got exaggerated movements and speech. That makes me uncomfortable and nervous. He'd been aware of my AS before the interview, so for him to act in such a way was really unexpected and threw me off.

I feel as though people connect with me on a much younger level than I'm physically at. Most people seem to talk to me like I'm still a young child, and I wish I understood why.

That may have just been his style of humor. If you havn't seen him talk/joke with other young people, there's no reason to conclude that he was being condescending specifically to you. I've known alot of people that joke in that manner. I think it's really just more of a strategy to break down the tension that any attempt at real humor, though if not executed properly or with the right person it often has the reverse effect.

Older people (usually strangers) do this kind of stuff to me too. The combination of being female, looking young, and looking sad or serious seems to make alot of people want to try and break the ice with me by friendly teasing, corny jokes or just insisting that I smile for them. I agree, it just makes you feel infantile. But, I don't know, I think they are just trying to force a polite giggle out of you to make everything seem more comfortable. All it usually get's out of me is a baffled half-smile, but I do try to be as polite about it as possible.

That's a valid point.

I've been told that I look serious, even when I'm not. Perhaps I took it too seriously (I did laugh, but the embarrassment showed more). I have seen him joking with other people though, and he tends to be much more adult with it.

It's just that, I was called for an interview, DISPITE failing the maths part of the exam, and was told numerous times, both before and during the interview, that whether I would be accepted on the course or not depended entirely on how the interview went (and I wasn't accepted), so I can't help wondering.

Did it occur to you that maybe he's more of an aspie than you and has more inappropriate comments than yours? It's always a possibility. And some people are not very good at showing understanding, they may choose a little unfortunately unsuccessful joke. I say this because I can see myself responding like he did.

I never considered that, Greentea.

I do doubt he's an Aspie, but there is always the possibility.

I've seen him communicating, though, he's very good with people. He's the main tutor for the course, so he has to be, really, because he's who you go to if you have any issues and he deals with the interviews.

I've seen him speak to other similar aged people around me, and he treated them like adults. He didn't do any of the exaggerated movements or speech.

It's just that after he made it well known to me that whether I go to college depended on the interview or not, and seeing as I didn't make it, I can't help wondering what went wrong.

Maybe I'm dwelling on something insignificant, though. I do have a habit of that.

That's an environmental constant where I work, and I'm in my 40s. What are the drawbacks of just getting accustomed to it? One of the benefits is not getting asked to work overtime because they don't want me on tasks that has senior management involved.

I was at a division meeting and asked a non sequitur question our CEO in our company of 2000+ people. The CIO repeated back what I said, shaking his head, saying "Give me a break". It was shortly after that I started pursuing the Aspergers possibility. I asked our department director about the whole incident. The only thing missing was the pat on the head. Her response was a patronizing "You're alright, everything's alright". I'm pretty sure she's telling it straight, and some things about my work situation are better. However, being treated like a child is uncomfortable. I sure am NOT going to complain about it. Especially since no one ever gets angry with me any more at work. I used to get treated like a weirdo. In fact one co-worker said I was thought of being like the character "Milton" in the movie Office Space (the one who burned the place down). I guess trading a weirdo image that could get you either "managed out", laid off or fired for being treated like a child and being considered disability protected is an improvement.

Last edited by tailfins1959 on 08 May 2008, 9:14 am, edited 4 times in total.

This reminds me of a situation I had. I once came to a doctor about a back pain; I was 18 at the time. After the usual introductions, he told me to strip to the waist. Apparently, I looked tense and confused, because the doctor tried one of the worst attempts at humor in the human history. He told me to show him my tongue. I was confused, but complied, because I thought it was part of the diagnosis or something. Well, as soon as I stuck my tongue out so he could take a look, he blurted out: "Hey, what are you sticking you tongue out at me for? Don't you realize that's rude?" I was mortified! I tried to explain how he just asked me to do just that, but ended up stopping in mid-sentence, because I saw the smirk he had on his face.

At that point, the doctor realized how uncomfortable he made me, and explained that he was just trying to help me relax. "WTF!", I thought, "that's his way of helping me relax? " In response, I threatened to report him to a medical board, for harassing patients. That comment made the doctor look clearly unsettled, and he actually apologized. I asked him to just continue the treatment, and added: "Your specialty is medical work; why don't we stick to that?"

My back felt much better after the treatment, so I didn't end up filing a complaint. But I did warn people not to see that doctor unless they had high tolerance for being the butt of a joke.

I told someone when i first joined an art class that i was a bit shy and that it may take some time to remember peoples names and faces.I really hoped to be left alone and thought it a good idea to mention shyness to avoid mentioning autism or aspergers which people never understand anyway.I ended up in a situation of being treated like a child and attention attracted to me.She announced me to the whole class as 'this is Cheryl,she has trouble remembering names and faces,so i am going to bring her around the whole class and introduce her.Follow me Cheryl'.
All this was said in a really slow strange voice like emergency rescue people use on people dieing in car wrecks.
Yikes i wish i had said nothing.

I'm treated like a child only by my mother and other members of our family but
in this case the only person I can blame for this is myself - at presence of people who know me since childhood I don't feel a need to pretend somebody else than I really am.

Normally, among people of my age and "real" adults (I'm adult as well but speaking of such real adulthood I mean mature people) I'm treated with respect an adult deserves. Even, I would say, in this aspect I'm treated "better" than my peers, as someone much older than my peers.

[quote="Anniemaniac"]

He said "well, you're doing ok now". I replied "Well, you're older than me, it's my peers I have trouble with". His response was something I'm very used to, and I hate it. He talked to me like I was a child; very exaggerated and condescending.

"I beg your pardon!", he pouted, whilst putting his hands on his hips, and raising his eyebrows, "Are you calling me an old fart?!". To which I became very embarrassed, stumbled over my words, and failed to explain properly what I meant.

[quote]

Maybe it's not about your inadequacy, but his inadequacy as a counselor. I know people in admissions and they are supposed to be capable as counselors and be able to field stuff like what you said. But this guy sounded like he got embarrassed about you sharing honestly about yourself and he couldn't handle it. He just wants superficial crap. Everything nicey, nicey. I think his job could have been to ask you if you wanted any University resources to help you with that, or to balance it with asking what your assets are. Something professional. He probably can't value the truth about anyone.

Annie (atypical NT)

sound like an old flirting pervert.

I would have said "Yes, you are an old fart and possibly a pervert...so can we continue with the subject at hand?"

equinn