I want to wake up from this nightmare

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Today I was meant to be at work, but forgot and went out for the day.
Due to the nature of my work, the Police are informed.
I arrived home to find my front door held together with emergency plywood as the Police had smashed my door in to check if I was dead, or being held hostage.

In the worst act of kindness imaginable, a few of my neighbours, armed with the dirty broom the yard gets brushed with, and with the wind behind them swept up all the broken glass.

All my cupboards with my books and cds and things where open so the dust could contaminate them all irriverisibly.

Ive had 2 policemen, a workman, and about 4 or 5 neigbours all unsupervised invading my sanctuary.

Now every single thing I own feels dirty when I touch it, every square inch of my world is contaminated.
I dont have family, I have things, and now they have been raped.

It was very tempting to escape this nightmare by fleeing to sheol.

My whole world is destroyed.

I am sorry this happened to you, and I thought my week was bad. Is there any way for you to tell people that you are going out(I do not wish to pry into the nature of your work)?
You may need a security system ,so this does not happen again. I hope I said something useful Nambo. I wish you luck.

Maybe if you hired a cleaning service to go back in and tidy things back up? I don't like people touching any possessions of mine, either, but I was robbed once and the only way I got over the feeling of utter violation was to hire a service to go into the house, clean up, pack my things and move them to a new apartment. You can't get rid of your possessions and they can be cleaned. Just clean them and put them in temporary storage until your living quarters are put to rights once more.

When I miss work, I just don't get paid.

Stuff like that doesn't even happen in the movies. I gotta be wondering what kind of work you do, but judging from the context, I don't think you'd wanna say, so I won't ask.

But I will say that nobody thinks I'm that important.

that's sad
I think getting it cleaned is the best plan as well. I had my bedroom when I lived in a shelter ransacked and I recall getting it all cleaned up and reorganized and my things put in storage made me feel so much better.

I agree. They can be cleaned. But I really understand that feeling of violation; I remember the time my landlord came in to fix the sink, and moved my things around. It took me a few days for the place to feel right again. It did feel right again, though, eventually. I think your place would, too, except that it will probably take longer because this was so much more extensive. Cleaning will help.

The police should really have picked the lock instead--there are gadgets that can do that, and the police have access to them in most places. I guess you were unlucky enough that your particular police didn't have one. Maybe you could write some letters to your city council, because there are probably quite a lot of people who have had to replace their doors after people haven't heard from them and somebody calls them in missing... I mean, cops do checks like that all the time, and most of the time the person is all right, like you were. And if they have to break a door whenever they do it, that's a lot of preventable damage, right? So if you made a stink about it, maybe you would be saving other people the experience you are having to get through.

That totally sucks.

First of all, good job staying alive when your world went to pieces.

I know you say you feel like it's irreversably contaminated, but might you be able to clean it in such a way that you felt it was put back right? It probably feels totally overwhelming. What I would do is start from the back of the house - starting wherever you feel the contamination starts, and simply work your way forward. Use a slightly damp cloth, and/or whatever gentle cleaner you prefer. Empty contaminated cupboard/drawer/whatever, wipe out the inside, clean off the things one by one, and put them back in. Then vaccuum the floor. Proceed to next room. This might sound like overkill to some people, but I can understand the feeling of contamination. Something that would help me - though it may or may not help you - is imagining the fingerprints/etc wiping away as you do it. You're taking it back as yours again, reminding it you love it, as you clean it. (Sorry if this just sounds totally weird, but I'm trying to imagine what would help me.) For me, this thought process would help me not overfocus on every speck of dirt (which could leave you cleaning forever) but instead on the idea of taking back your space, while also removing contamination. It will probably still take a while, so as you need a break, rest in the part of the house that is done. Then you would be able to reassure yourself that this space, at least, is yours again.

I wish I could somehow be there to support the way my mom and brother and I support each other when our worlds go to pieces (we all have varying levels of autism/AS).

I hope this helped in some way, and I'm sorry if it was useless. But I send my support and sympathy.

I've had similar things happen, and ALSO hate it. MAN, I feel SICK about it! I'm ALSO curious what you do.

I ALSO understand why you probably can't have anyone clean it up, and want to die. I've been there. Due to privacy and preference, I just have to do some things MYSELF! A little cleaning of a little bit infrequently is no big deal, but a wholesale cleaning IS!

what job do you have that would cause the police to break in your house just for missing work?

That sounds truly awful, I hope you can get things cleaned up! I would also be very upset if that happened to me, but put it in perspective - nobody is hurt, nothing is missing and you will be able to get the dust out. Your world is not destroyed, just a little messed up and it will take a bit of time to get it back to normal. Don't do anything you might regret just because of a mistake. They were trying to help you and if you really had been in danger, you would have been very grateful for them kicking down the door and saving you. Is there any way you can claim money back from the police for damaging your property? They really shouldn't have broken stuff unless they had real reason to believe you were inside and hurt.

I don't mean this in a rude way, but if you have a job that is so important that the police will come looking for you if you don't show up...how did you just forget to go to work that day???? Surely if your job is that dangerous you would have a cell phone so your collegues can call and check on you? You might need to set something up with the people you work with where you can check in with them at certain times so that this does not happen again. Or get a less dangerous job.

When ever I feel things are bad there is always someone else having a worse time...

When you say "My whole world is destroyed"

I feel life is a journey and we all have to learn to ride the storm for some of us it can seem more like a tidal wave, hang in there as with any storm the sun comes back out...

Wow. That's impressively overboard.

Considering that my boss often forgets what days I'm not supposed to work, I'm glad they don't care that much about me.

Although, I've often theorized that if I dropped dead in my sleep, I'd be half eaten by my cats before anyone thought to go looking for me.

I still want to know what Nambo's job is!! ! What kind of job provokes THAT reaction when you miss one day of work????

Please Nambo, come back and tell us what happened? Did you get things fixed and cleaned up? Are you feeling better?

Cheers everybody, I must have forgotten to tick the e-mail notification of replies box and so thought nobody had replied, but here you guys are.

I only live in whats basically a two room flat, and belive me, with my special interests, mechanical, Ive got a hell of a lot of small intricate pieces, plus all my books and dvds, all exposed to brushed up and wind bourne dirt.

I realsie I have got quite severe OCPD, but I had arranged my life so that it was just part of me that I could live with, though it took me years to get this far, now I feel I have to start again.

I saw one of the doctors at the Mental Health clinic today, my doctor is on holiday but this lovely lady seemed to understand where I was coming from, I got a sick note for 2 weeks off work, but think Iam going to need the full 6 months to get back to where I was.
Normally I feel really guilty about being sick and taking any time off work, but this was a result of my work informing the Police so let them face the consequences.
And as for the Police, why couldnt they have just taken out the lower pane of glass in my door and crawled through?, rather than acting like some sort of swat team, smashing the door in pieces and according to my neighbour, rushing in with batons drawn!

What I have done so far, is move everything in to the main room, the bedroom needs decorating anyway so Ive started stipping the cieling, when its done I shall build cupboards all along one wall then clean everything as I put it back, half the trouble was, with no starage space, all my stuff was exposed to brushed up dirt and grit. As an ex-mechanic by trade, grit near an engine rebuild or tools, is like germs are to a surgeon.

My job is at the Houses of Parliament, a little up from a janitor, and with complicated hours, Iam amazed its only the second time in 7 years I forgot to go, last time I was in when they rang me, "why arnt you at work"?!

Iam nothing important there, but it is supposedly job policy with people who live on thier own who dont come in, in case they have died or are being heald captive by the CIA, sorry, I meant Al Quida.
Never heard of it being done before though.

By the way, this is the new door I think I will get New Door (You have to click on the link that says New Door to see it)
What do you think?
Curtesy of the Metroplolitan Police, perhaps they will think twice before being so eager to break into peoples homes next time.