Some advice please

Post Reply New Topic

I am new here and have not had my son diagnosed w/ AS yet but have some questions. My husband and I have 2 children. Our oldest son, he's 10, has had some emotional issues that we noticed around 4 yrs old. The more we read about AS and the more 'rate scales' and questionaires we do the more it sounds just like our 10 yr old. At about 5 yrs. old we had him talk to a child couselor, however the diagnosis he was leaning to was more ADHD or Bipolar disorder. We were not happy with the sessions or the Dr. and they were not helping....so we pulled him out before any official diagnosis or tests were run. We've been trying to just deal w/ his 'freak outs' or 'break down's for years now....hoping he'd outgrow this 'phase'. We are now finally seeing that there really may be somthing wrong and are starting the process to take him to a child psychologist, waiting for insurance red tape, so we did some research on our own first. He over reacts to everything and takes everything way to seriously. Also, if he has a rough morning it will follow him throughout the day and he will have a very short fuse. He tends to say things w/out thinking of the consiquences, sometimes the worse thing he can think of to hurt someone, he's a prime target for bullies and gets teased all the time (we switched schools last yr due to this), likes to be alone and pretty much has 'the worst day of his life' at least 4 days a week. However, he's very intelligent and literal. He tested into a very good, difficult, school for 5th grade, loves science, non-fiction books and learning about new and odd things. He is very hard on himself and has almost a control issue. If something does not go exactly as he thinks it should or thought it would. . .he'd done. . .and no way to snap him out of it or talk him down. He's been in fetal position under a table at school crying over someone looking at him wrong or the teacher raising his voice. . .everything is on purpose and there are no accidents (unless he's the cause). I could go on and on. . .but I want to ensure I say that he can also be the most sweet, loving and honest person I know. We love him dearly, and on good days, he's one of my favorite people to be around. The problem is...we never know when this will change or what will trigger it. We love him, therefore need to get him some help.
**Any information, advice, etc. . ..is greatly appreciated.** Is there somthing we can do/try without medication? Are we starting this process w/ the correct type of Dr? Any tips on how to handle him when he's having a break down? (so far, in 6 yrs, we've found sending him up in his room to be alone is the best way...he snaps himself out and comes down a completly different person...talking only makes it worse)

I am not a doctor, so I am reluctant to give advice. If you truly believe your son's diagnosis is wrong, then keep trying. Asperger's is easily misdiagnosed. I have an aspie son. We also chose not to give meds. As for the rest...I can only wish you my best. I know how helpless it feels to watch your child suffer. You might get better response if you move this topic to the parent's discussion board.

Your son sounds alot like me when I was 4-13 especially. I still have problems even at 26 from when I was little.

I would encourage you to find him the right help ASAP. Do whatever it takes.

Also keep him in a regular classroom setting.

Kids are kids. They are very butal to kids who are different.
Tell him to ignore them and not to fight back. They will eventually get tired of it. It also helps to find kids who will befriend him and who could protect him. Most kids will accept you if you get the big kid guy/gal of the group to accept you. Than they will maybe stop.

You could arrange a play date with some of his parents from his class.

It would help him to have a pet to ease the pain.

I wish I could help more. I definity feel bad for the little guy. I feel his pain big time.


But things did get better for me in Junior High and especially HS.

I greatly appreciate the information from both of you! I am not a frequent forum or blog user so I didn't know there was a parents forum....thanks I'll be sure to move this there as well!

Also, yes we are doing our best to get him some outside assistance ASAP. Over the years my husband and I have learned how to help him get thru his bad days, but it is extrelmely difficult on the entire family. Also, his 6 yr old brother takes a lot of the backlash. Some days he (my 10 yr old) treats him sweet and protects him....but others, most days, he's just horrible to his little brother. Says the worst things and is just horrible....more than normal sibling rivalry. We have been hoping he'll eventually outgrow some of this or just have break downs less frequently when he got older....you've helped my peace of mind a bit with that also knowing he'll be ok and enjoy life a bit. We try so hard to help him enjoy his childhood...not take it so seriously. thanks again!

Sounds a bit like how I acted, I whent through a stage where I would say terrible things to people, but I would often feel like what is wrong I am a good person. For me a big part was bullying, it was a kind of people acted like that to me why don't I act like that to my brother, but I was still me in my core.

Having a formal diagnosis might be very helpful, especially if he could get an IEP and have some accommodations to help alleviate this.

Have you tried music? I can totally relate to your son's freak-outs -- and I'm 43 and to all appearances I'm "perfectly normal" (so they say

I've learned to deal with my intense anxiety spikes over a long period of time. I find that listening to music can really help -- soothes my savage beast, so to speak.

You may want to check out Belleruth Naparstek's cd's -- she's got guided imagery and affirmations, as well as a plain music cd -- Music from Health Journeys CD by Steven Mark Kohn -- which might help your son chill out. I have a lot of trouble dealing with guided imagery, sometimes, and affirmations can drive me nuts, but the music on this CD at www.healthjourneys.com can really chill me out.

You may want to try just playing some relaxing music in the background at home... nothing really obvious, but something nice and relaxing.

I find, when I'm almost at the end of my rope, Liz Story and Arianne Lydon and other instrumentalists can really help me a great deal. And I can put them on in the background while I go about my regular business, and get the benefits of relaxing, while being able to function much better.

Good luck with your son!