Being independent/ learned behaviour etc

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At 23 i carry myself more like a 16 year old, in most relationship dynamics im the one who needs to be 'helped' and probably as independent as a 14 year old. my AS dx or mis dx is a long story but anyway im prob have a personality similar to someone with AS rather than a ''real'', neurologically different Aspie, but anyway...
Actually spoilt and over pampered kids are quite common in the cultural background i grew up in... so basically, growing up my parents sort of might have been sort of indulgent with me... which is not to say that they were BAD parents at all, quite the opposite, they were very concerned with my well being and all that, just that basically, they would mostly help out and help me do stuff. I don't think it was a bad thing in itself at all, but, I just don't know how much of it is just that i wasn't 'geared' to be self sufficient while growing up, just skills i never picked up, and how much of it is well, a genuine difficulty. Ive been in an environment where you have to be self sufficient for years aka college but just have never seemed to be able to master the simplest things like time management, organisation skills that i need. most days im lost at sea I have always needed a lot of structire because i have no internal structure and because im taking an arts degree, a great deal of self sufficiency is required which makes it even worse. Some days if i focus and try very hard i can accomplish enough in the day, and then the next day it all crumbles. My younger sibling however grew up in the same household yet is extremely independent.
to someone who's more of an NT, are such skills eventually picked up on? or is it just as hard..

I am 32 and carry myself like a 16 year old--or less.....
I would have to say that it might always be a struggle...but anything with practice, in theory, gets easier.
I deal with the same stuff....my parents are/were the same way...if not..very similar...and they still sorta coddle me and help me out with stuff...especially now that I am older for some reason...
It is good that you are in school and getting an arts degree and really trying.
I couldn't handle school very well....but I was going at a time when I was not being supported so much...

Don't be too hard on yourself...

I'm about six in age.

If you can't pick the purple pebble up out of a hundred white ones when it's sitting there in front of you, there's usually something wrong with you (whether lacking arms/teeth/appendages to pick it up, the eyesight to see it, the "functioning" to figure out how one will go about it; too much philosophy to question why one has to pick it up in the first place, etcetera); in other words, it's out of your control.

Luckily, I have generally been considered mature. I doubt many here, including myself, are that great with time management. I USED to be organized, but NOT really now. Then again, a lot of NTs have the SAME problems!

I've seen this happen SO many times. It's ridiculous how much parents will over-protect a kid, even with a relatively minor disability. (I don't know if you consider your Asperger's a disability, but you do say you have skills that you're behind on, so I'll assume so.)

Like you said, they wanted to be good parents. They probably did OK, despite the smothering. That's something, anyhow.

Yes, you can learn what you missed out on. They're skills like any other, like learning to read or learning to navigate a bus system. If you've already learned them as well as a 14 or 16 year old, then you should be able to catch up enough for independence quite readily. You may have some basic deficits, but that doesn't mean you can't learn them--just like most dyslexics can learn to read, with extra effort.

What you're talking about--"crumbling without structure"--is something I'm very familiar with. If I don't have a set pattern, things take up to ten times as long as they should. If I don't know what I need to be doing, I'll fall back on some relatively useless activity and get nothing done.

I found this page very helpful:
http://thiswayoflife.org/ef.html
Executive dysfunction is a fancy word for "needing structure"; it can be mild or severe; at some level, I think most people experience moments that would be ED if they happened all the time. ADHD has a big component of executive dysfunction (usually mild to moderate), and so does autism of all flavors. (Some of us are very good at planning; some of us need a great deal of structure. It's when you need structure but aren't good at planning that the trouble begins.)

Plan things just once, and then use the plan over and over when you need it (routines).
Post reminders for yourself, so you don't do things like leave the house without your shoes on.
Set aside a little bit of time for planning--maybe once a day or once a week--so you can incorporate the things you only need to do sometimes.
You don't necessarily need a rigid schedule; a "to-do" list may help more because it can't be knocked off kilter when something takes too long.
Schedule time for your special interests, or you'll probably go bonkers.

Yeah, I can never adhere to a schedule, because it invariably takes me a long time to do things, though I LOVE to write schedules and plan things out to extraordinary detail. I just can't carry it out.

I wouldn't say my parents were over-protective, though they were often criticized as such, mainly for not letting me go out alone (last year at age 17 was my first time going outside alone). However, they had good reasons.

I get lost very easily, and when I had finished registering for senior year classes a little less than a year ago, I ended up taking nine buses that day, because I couldn't figure out where to go or how to contact anybody, and people tried to show me where a pay phone was, but I couldn't find it for a long time, and when I did find it, it took me over an hour to figure out how to use it, though I've used pay phones before.

Last year when starting an art class at the college, I started out on the wrong bus, was terribly confused, and was 15 minutes late even though running to class. But, they have been helping me develop these skills, like my dad taking the bus with me to school when I was 16. It's just that I operate on a slower schedule than most.

I wouldn't say they were overprotective or smothered me at all, i had as much freedom as anyone else, its more like, while some kids' parents would leave them to their own devices for eerything and say, whatever, its your own thing, you go get save/ the money for it yourself, you're on your own, i don't care if you have an exam next week, you have to go get your errands done yourself; if you can't do that then face the consequences, my parents would very often help me out in that respect i.e. go with me to get stuff etc so i have less to deal with.
Thanks for the link!! !
It's when you need structure but aren't good at planning that the trouble begins
Yup thats exactly my problem... see the thing is im not sure Im AS, and i guess im just not sure if my lagging skills is due to not having grown up being forced to be independent or not. Practice makes perfect, although i have been away at college for years and am still barely more self reliant than before.

i usually plan schedules on-the-fly like today i planned to open my bank card and go to school..fail in bank they said i need to go in another city's bank where i got the card...after 1hour of driving i was there unlocked card took money took gas drive back well after i was close to here i called school and explained what happened but then i got hungry and took hamburger after that i was totally exhausted and decided "f**k this im going home" clock was about 1 and i had school to 4pm:( now clock is 2 as im writing this do its been bouncy day