Talking past the point

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I still can't easily stop myself from talking on and on when I'm in conversation with people.

It's crazy - it should be the easiest thing in the world to just try and be a little more concise, but somehow it escapes me
Yet I know there are people I don't do it with because they seem to be able to stop me somehow.

I've achieved the "to-and-fro" thing maybe 2 or 3 times in my entire life, on a one-to-one basis with people I somehow felt a great deal of hope with. It felt great, though I had no idea how I was managing to do it.

Does anybody have any coping strategies for it? My only guaranteed method is not to start talking in the first place, which certainly solves the problem, but it's one hell of a blunt instrument.

Oh, you are not the only one. Hmm, good question. How about when you start you surreptiously count slowly to ten on your fingers, and when you reach your left thumb reaching your last pinkie, you sum up your thought and pause for the other person to jump in? I have no idea what effect that might have, but it might be an interesting experiment.

Who decides where the point begins or ends?

I think I'd have trouble talking and counting at the same time - and if my articulation went wrong, I'd be in a tight spot. My mind is incredibly single-track. I just tried it alone, but I couldn't think of anything to say. The environment in company feels so different.

But the concept is good. Some kind of electronic timer that vibrated in my hand when my ten seconds was up would be safer. Given long enough, I could make one if I could find a suitable buzzer. If it didn't stop me I could try an electric shock instead....seriously, is there anything out there that would alert me without making me look strange? Earpieces seem to get uncomfortable.

yes pracrice in front of a mirror.

have a stock of rehearsed responses.

try acting classes.

you need to know how to act.

the debilitation you experience i also had when i was younger.

i learned by watching movies.

repeating stock phrases.

the other option is to get a magazine article.
any magazine article.....read it.
and.......now get this...condense it into one or two sentences.

it is very As to read something and with a linear mind set as you have described try and form association with other "related " things.

it is a skill to be able to condense a concept a story or article into one sentence.

this will help you to condense thoughts and then words in your head before processing them into verbals.

hope this helps.

The point begins when I utter the first word of my outburst.

It ends, ideally, when the other person feels the need to stop listening, because I seek to avoid making people feel trapped. But that's awkward to detect. I've no idea what a bored person looks like, or one who is beginning to feel overloaded, or has other things on their mind. And people are so polite.

Cutting the speech tme down to a few seconds is a crude solution, but so far it's the only thing I can think of that would help. They had a group therapy exercise where speakers were given a plastic spoon every time they'd spoken for a minute, I think. As the talking went on, it was said to become obvious which people were dominating the group and which people were being shy, by counting their spoons. I always thought my over-talking thing might be an unconscious tendency to dominate, but these days I doubt that.

Thanks, Donkey. I'll chew over those things - meanwhile yes I'm very linear, starting at the beginning and going in a straight line to the end - like a Roman road.

the linear is an As feature that some do or do not recognise.

let me ask you this:

do you tend to link or associate things with other seemingly unrelated things?

so , for example see a large woman at a party in a grey dress and link the colour of the dress to say...a hippopotamous....
while this is going on and someone mentions food and you think about eating hippopotomous.....please try not to take this exampe literally but please answer if this associative type mindset is one you have?

Er, kind of wierd. Linear, to me, implies a straight line of thought, without the tangents. I seem to be caught up on any and all tangents when speaking, and have ruined a few presentations with this habit. It's as if there is a pond with stones everywhere to hop on. A staight path is one option, but it usually doesn't line up with what's going to be the end result. I don't know how to explain it, but for me, it makes nearly every large project very difficult. Maybe it's a good way to describe by saying it's as if I can't cut out all the options for one clear path.

And I'm sorry if this is a tad unrelated, it's that I have a similar problem that manifests itself in many different ways...

you explain it well.

yes linear : start at A and proceed to B. imagine a large chain one piece of information linked to another in a straight line

however we do get caught up on these "tangents" it is easier to visualise them as side linnks in a chain

so while we progress from A to B we get a thought an idea and we side link this to other thoughts that are related to the original link.#it is like we cant turn it off and it is very distracting.

but it can be very usefull as well.

we can explain, link and compare every experiebce we have had and can associate when travelling from A to B
so the chain we started with can end up quite thick in places.
if we can control and modulate it it can be usefull to make associations between seemingly unrelated patterns and events.

this i smy attempt at an analogy i would like to know if you agree.
or not?

I don't think so.......why do you ask?

I think I do that - one thought generates several more thoughts, and I try to catch them all and present everything to the listener, the result is that they can't keep up I guess.

Sorry, my Roman road analogy was a little too hasty, that's my approach to tasks in general, not my actual thinking patterns. They're like little straight lnes with lots of branches. Hmmmm............lemme go and think a bit.........

i ask because AS ideation and cognition is a pet of mine.

a little road with branches is an analogy i can understand as well.

I usually let myself talk for about ten seconds or so (the finger counting thing is a great idea), wrap up that thought, and then let them speak. Unless I'm telling a story, in which case I'll go on and on.

Usually you can tell if someone's bored by seeing which way their body and head are facing. If either are facing away, chances are they're trying to escape.

It's not easy:((
Is it ever not easy! There is hope! I have gotten a bit better with only occasional freak outs and monologues. I used to monologue to myself, me at my most embarrassing point in life. Glad I am out of that habit!
You can try CBT, training your mind not to do it. It helps if you are understimulated too.

Strange thing is, in my case, I think I'm already reasonably skilled at that, at the level of written words. In fact I do it all the time when I'm posting stuff. But in realtime, there's no delete key.



It's a good clue. So much depends on the situation. Workplace situations can be harder to spot, perhaps. I'll bear it in mind. I should try to scan people's body language more - I find myself avoiding that a lot.

Having material to hand isn't really a problem for me - I soak up new words and phrases like a sponge if I like the look of them.

One thing I did notice was that, with the way I structure my impromptu talking, it can usually be curtailed long before the end without wreckng the sense of what's already been spoken. Yet at the time, pulling the plug feels like vandalism.

I sense I could crack it fairly simply, I'll see if I can do the counting thing. Or maybe I could count how many times I inhale or exhale, and limit my audience to a set quota of lungfuls of hot air.