My story (please read)

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A couple of other thoughts.

If you don't like where you are at in life, go somewhere else. Disrupt your own stale pattern, which no longer pleases you. Get on a bus and go somewhere else for a day. Just walk around a look at something different. But break the pattern, throw some random factor in there. At the very least you will have something else to think about at the end of the day, than you would if you stay home.

One more thought. Your story. Thank you for your story. Do it more, I mean write it more, post it more, we'll read it more, and create a cycle of feedback. You may feel better, and even inspire others. Really, just the topic was compelling, "My Story (Please read)". I was hooked from the get-go, I actually wished it was longer.

Anyway, your viewpoint and experiences are valuable, and become more valuable when you share them, so please write more.

Can relate to much of what you say. Think you are to do something about the depression first. You have to see a doctor to find out what kind of treatment is the best for you.
I tend to build up stress over a period of time, and that leads to depressions. I got prescription for the older generation anti-depressiva, called tolvon, since the new types gave me som bad side effects especially when I got off the drug. But I don't like medication at all, so I do this only when i have to. I only get mild depressions, so I can live with it, if I'm not too much exposed to stress. I've got a normal job, so I use medication in times when the depressions give me sleep disorders, cause then I often oversleep, and in the real world that is not acceptable in the long run.
As you, I burned a lot of bridges, back in the year 2000, started anew on another side of the country, cause I burned out at my old job.
As you, I prefer to be anonymous, so I have no contact with others but my collegues at work. I now this is wrong, but I can't help it, cause other people don't mean anything at all. They all seems like characters in a blurry movie.
I hate it when people laughs at me, so I can drive for miles to find a place to shop where nobody knows me.
Basicly I hate other people, except for those who knows me well.
So I don't say that you must socialice, but you need some kind of interest in life, even if it's just movies and computing. Some other person here mentioned a pet, I have a dog, and that's great, cause I have to get out walking him every day.
I also feel that you are basicly an optimist, like me. I never give up, and somehow manage to land on my feet after many long dark periodes

Just hang in there.

Hi, I am a 16 year old and I'm quite similar in terms of how you were as a teenager except I started off being nice but then being nice equals being taken advantage of and not bein took seriously.
I thought people would find me intereting becuase I had fiffernet views etc but it alienated eople away from me, I am wondering whather I should keep to myself and cut off contact when I move out of my house and start my own life, closed-hearted, but I'm not sure if I would get too lonely and end up doing something about it.
I wish I was in your shoes but I can't judge your situation, I know how you feel though, it's just when things get too much and you don't trust yourself or others you have no chocie but to try and be anonymous.
Good luck

Are you on speaking terms with your parents or any other familiy members? If you are, it might be worth swallowing your pride and admitting to them that you want to rejoin humanity but need some help. I did this with my mum (after years of bottling everything up and self-harming, and living in cyberspace). It was hard at first but even if you mess up, so long as you listen to their advice* (and apologise if you lose your temper), they'll still be there for you.

*you don't always have to follow it.

My friends know I am a distant hermit, I told them so.

I show them I love them by being nice when I see them.

After long breaks, here comes very happy and awesome alissa.

It works for me.

I just said in school the other day, I am taking the tortoise way.

I work when I feel ready, and lay off the harder stuff when I am not ready.

I want to be there more than anything. I am going to be architect to the shifting planet and ignored people.

Find the game you want to play at school. School is a video game too. Degrees are the specials.

People who recognize you on a deeper level, will accept you. Just remember that on occasion, when you are invited out, you need to bend and take the invitation, if you feel good about it in your stomach.

Be your: super cool, goofy off the wall, random association, geeky, odd self. Or whatever you are, from the beginning. People really don't care about what you do, unless they jive with you.

Jiven hot baby! That dude is hilarious! Dig your humor, it is your friend and a way to be nice. Stick with insinuations and innuendo, or hilarious associations. Don't make fun of others. Practice saying the truth in a cool laid back way. You will undoubtedly want to correct someone or tell what you really think. If the persons face goes blanker with big eyes that don't move, you have shocked them.

Practice in a mirror, until you can handle hearing what you are saying, as if someone else is saying it to you.


Be yourself. Act as what makes you happy. Be honest in a non controlling or judgmental way. And when things are hard to deal with, deal with them as well as you need to be handled kindly.
Put out there what you want to get back. Good luck and be patient with yourself above all. You can do anything you need to do, if you are able to be patient and forgiving of yourself. You are intelligent and you will succeed, if you treat yourself and others how you need to feel, Happy

Take the escalator up into your heart Love, and enjoy the ride.

Thank you for all your replies. I appreciate them all.

I'm not sure if i have much more to say. It takes a lot of me and i spend too much time writing what i want to say. This is the first time i've posted on an internet forum like this in years, and it gave me a little too much to think about. You'll probably understand from my previous posts that i like things simple.

It helped to write about it though, get some things off my chest. I feel better now than i did yesterday. I'm gonna spend the next month thinking about what i want to do and then try to make some changes in the new year. I'll be spending a few weeks with my mother and two younger siblings this christmas, who i'm still close to, even though i don't see them much anymore. I usually feel better and more motivated when i get home after a visiting them, so i'll have to try and make sure that feeling lasts this time.

I won't be spending much more time on this forum but i'll likely visit again.. good people here.

Good luck nottu, hope everything works out for you.

Yes, all the best for the future!

A few weeks with your family over Christmas sounds good!

Keep in touch!

Best of luck

My life almost parallels yours. I have your issues. I don't like getting to know people for some reason. I tend to isolate myself and live for a few choice activities.
The reason you feel hopeless?
It could be a comorbid depression, common with AS. If you feel suicidal, you should go to the ER or you doctor and see what he or she says.
If that isn't an option....you could try posting on WP when you feel suicidal? That way you can get some support and feedback.
Anyway, hope things improve!