Do you get accused of selfishness often?

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gina-ghettoprincess
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26 Dec 2008, 5:00 pm

All the time, though I'm really not. I love helping others, but just not the people who don't deserve my help. I reserve my generosity for Greenpeace, oppressed Tibetan citizens, etc, not the horrid people who do nothing but mock and insult me 24/7.

I was affronted when a girl who recently called me a psycho freak asked me to lend her 20 pence in the lunch line at school. My exact reply was, "What gives you the impression I owe YOU a favour?" then I paid for my panini and went back to my friends. Score one for me.


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DeLoreanDude
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26 Dec 2008, 5:30 pm

gina-ghettoprincess wrote:
All the time, though I'm really not. I love helping others, but just not the people who don't deserve my help. I reserve my generosity for Greenpeace, oppressed Tibetan citizens, etc, not the horrid people who do nothing but mock and insult me 24/7.

I was affronted when a girl who recently called me a psycho freak asked me to lend her 20 pence in the lunch line at school. My exact reply was, "What gives you the impression I owe YOU a favour?" then I paid for my panini and went back to my friends. Score one for me.


I couldn't agree more!

Also, my parents say I'm selfish a lot but I have no idea why.

And technically everything is selfish... There is no such thing a non-selfish act. It's true, think about it.



JetLag
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26 Dec 2008, 6:38 pm

Some people have accused me of thinking only of myself, even when I was only thinking of them.


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marshall
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26 Dec 2008, 8:45 pm

Yes. I am selfish in ways. Self-absorbed is probably a better term though. I don’t find much personal gratification in doing people little favors and/or adhering to social niceties. That stuff is a real chore for me.

I also hate it when people unexpectedly interrupt me with boring small talk or annoying questions while I’m concentrating on something more exciting to me. My father (an NT) is the same way though so I can see it from the other side as well. I realize it’s rude to bark at people who interrupt but the habit is hard to repress, it’s just so ingrained. Even if I try to be polite I still feel irritated and it probably comes out in my tone of voice.

I like to think of myself as a compassionate person though. When it comes to the bigger things, the stuff that really matters (at least in my mind) I like to think I’m more altruistic than selfish. I try my very best to be kind to people, not hurt anyone’s feelings, etc., almost to a fault. I also try my best to do the right thing in helping people out when they need it.



CRACK
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26 Dec 2008, 9:36 pm

people that are quick to accuse others of selfishness are usually the real selfish ones...



Forsaken
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26 Dec 2008, 9:47 pm

JetLag wrote:
Some people have accused me of thinking only of myself, even when I was only thinking of them.



This is most commonly a jealous (or controlling) persons excuse and stance.



Wrackspurt
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27 Dec 2008, 7:39 am

Yes. But I think neurotypicals automatically think the worst. I know I'm always taken the wrong way by my family. My sister came to visit a coupe weeks back (I kept tally) she took what I said out of context five times. I gave up trying to explain myself, takes too much energy.



Katie_WPG
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27 Dec 2008, 9:17 am

It's a common tactic used by people who want to manipulate you into doing what they want. No one wants to appear selfish, so they often start opening up their wallets the second someone accuses them of being selfish. People who do this won't go after the truly selfish people, because they know that manipulation efforts won't work. They go after the selfLESS people, who are more willing to grant them anything they like with a bit of prodding.



McChubs
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27 Dec 2008, 12:00 pm

I'm simply not very interested in what most people have to say or what they go through, so I guess I am pretty selfish. I have been practicing my listening skills and have been trying to understand people's feelings. I have had a small amount of success. I know that life would be much easier if I could get the hang of it. It sucks to have to learn something that comes naturally to everyone else.



gypsyrose
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27 Dec 2008, 4:31 pm

My mother has told me that I am, on many occasions.

I've also had a coworker tell me that I only care about myself. (I see her as full of pretense and a little too full of herself, but she would just throw a fit if I told her.)



Hovis
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27 Dec 2008, 5:11 pm

Qi wrote:
In my case... I don't know... It's difficult to explain... I guess I'm simply unable to value other people's needs. I just don't understand what the big deal is when it comes to certain things.


Same here. Sometimes I am aware that I'm probably being selfish, but more often, I don't really see why it was 'selfish' of me not to do a certain thing because to me, it just seems incredibly unimportant. I have trouble seeing why it would really matter to the other (NT) person whether I did it or not. I've been surprised and confused on many occasions when I've been accused of hurting someone else's feelings because of something I did or didn't do because it just seemed so trivial to me. I could hardly believe they were even still thinking about it ten minutes later, let alone felt hurt by it.