I cant cope anymore I'm so stuck

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I cant function properly I have depression.

I told my parents to fork out loads of money to a gap year which was meant to help me become independent. I was there for 3 months but found the intense nonstop environment and studying nothing i'm going to do in a career in overwhelming.
They tryed increasing my anti depressants and getting me a theorpist but I just cudnt cope, I felt like my life was on hold waiting to go work in photography.
They sent home,and didn't give us a refund. Now my parents havnt got any money to fund another way of helping me. I feel so guilty. I didnt want to give up I had made so many friends it was a lovely place. My parents took over again, they dont understand AS and I feel into a bad pattern of being scared of travelling, of the unknown workplace, everything gives me a headache, I am so stressed again because I'm constantly fighting with my parents. I've realised being away from them eliminates my stress and I can get more things done because i'm not exhausted.
Now I'm stuck, I'm a self taught photographer and I'm good at it, I know for a fact I'm very skilled but I'm too scared or overwhelmed to know where to start. I cant leave the house its so scary. My parents are contently criticising me for it instead helping saying I should just 'do it!'
I am so depressed! I cant sleep until 5am and wake up at 12 every day I try to go to sleep earlier, my body just wont, so I wracked with guilt because my parents keep telling me off for 'sleeping the day away'
but what the hell have I got to get up for any more?

I cant cope I need advice please help

Hi Wob182,

I don't know anything about photography, but I do know something about insomnia (it's 4.30 am as I type).

Ideally, the best way to deal with it is to get rid of the depression, tire yourself out physically during the day and then drink relaxants such as camomile tea before going to bed at night. Don't read before going to sleep as that keeps your mind alert and thinking.

If you've tried all that, then the following does work: stay awake for 24 hours at a time and then, despite being physically and mentally wrecked, go to bed at a 'reasonable' time (7am onwards) and get up 6 hours later. The next day, you'll still feel wrecked. Go to bed at a slightly later time if you can manage and get up 6 hours later, or until the desired 'get-up' time is reached. I find this works, but it's a good idea to try it during the weekend or when you don't have to be in a fully-functioning state.

I went on a summer camp once that was supposed to last a month, but I only stuck it for a week; I know what you mean about the intensity of the environment. For me, it was a whirlwind of panic and confusion. Luckily, my parents got a refund.

If being away from your parents helps you, then maybe you could get a temporary job? It doesn't have to be something you plan to have a career in, just something that'll keep you out of the house and perhaps a small income. If you get a job that doesn't involve much customer interaction, then you should be able to cope with the change of scenery. If you work in a voluntary animal shelter, you may be able to make use of your photography skills. I'm afraid your parents are right, you do need to just 'do it!', just working out how is the tricky part.

You can try to work with your new sleep schedule, working during the times you're up should be nice and fun (dusk, night and dawn photography). And if you have a deviantart account you can sell prints off there and so on.

wob182,

Sorry to hear that you're in a difficult position. The best you can do is make whatever changes you can to reduce stress in your life. If that means living away from the parents then so be it. On the surface it may seem that way but if you then have to factor in money worries etc.. the stress levels may increase again.

Try what Warsie said and offer photos online.
You might also offer them on mugs etc... (you can easily get them done around the place but make sure that you're making a profit).

If you can, you might want to offer to photograph animals or babies but not children's parties, weddings etc and they're stressful. Start small.

I don't really think that you can take a course in relaxing/undepressing. It has to come naturally - or not at all.

My depression issues have improved drastically since I found I can blame them on aspergers.

I actually do use deviantart a lot, I didnt know you can sell your work on it, and I'm not sure how to do that but i'll look into it hmmmm
I do flower photography as well as portrait, which is very poplar on flickr.

I've put 2 up already to test it out
http://ana182.deviantart.com/art/Throug ... -108515359