Are You Told You Care About No One But Youself?

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I have Aspergers and have always found it hard to be empathetic with other people. If I make mistakes I don't make a big deal about it. If others make mistakes I usually don't get mad at them and I only offer advice if I think the person really needs it. I don't worry about people not even anyone in my family really. I don't even worry about myself much.

I have been told that I don't care about others or their thoughts and I'm starting to think it might be true. I'm also starting to think Aspergers might have something to do with it. It is hard to explain ... I care about people but I don't sacrifice myself or go out of my way for others often unless I know it is critical.

I say my pleases and thank yous. I don't dwell on what I can't change. I have always been told I'm in my own little world and that it is WRONG for me to be that way.

It's not wrong, just another of being. I've heard '"aloof, distant, uncaring, selfcentered, disinterested" and a lot more. I'm basically indifferent to people, not uncaring. There is a difference between the two. I just don't find fulfillment through social interactions so don't go out of my way to have any. Guess that's why I seem to be so blunt and politically incorrect most of the time as others here can testify to.

I have been told that in the past. It always hurt.


I block things out of my mind and don't beat myself up much anymore for making a mistake. No one is perfect. I don't regret what I do because you can't change the past. I just go 'oh well, I made a mistake, no big deal.' I also say "stupid me."

I don't even miss my boyfriend when I am away or when he is at work. I don't even care to call him but do it anyway because my bf tells me to call when I get to Spokane, my mother tells me I should call and I just don't see the point in it. I know I will see him when I get home. It's not like we live 529 miles away and we hardly see each other or he has gone off to Iraq.
My mother figures it's because I like to be alone.

I'm only told it's wrong to be in my own little world by those who do not accept me and want me to change to suit their preferences.

OMG finally folks who know what I am talking about. You are so right there is a difference between the two and I do care I just feel indifferent a lot of times.

And Spokanegirl I flew from Texas to San Diego to Sacramento to Seattle to Anchorage and my mom stayed up all night worried sick about me and began showing psychotic symptoms ... which all of us do when we lose sleep, even me.

I called her in Seattle but not when I got home. I was tired. I would call her the following morning. I was told that she was worried sick and I was uncaring and mean because I didn't call her.

My boyfriend is the only person I go crazy for and actually have feelings for when I see him. It has always been that way with him. But I don't even smile when Im with him as much as I should.

I do other things to show my love instead of saying I love you. Words are only words anyways. I'd rather feel love than be told I'm loved ... even if both are nice to have.

I agree with the person who said its because others want to change us and don't like what they see. Sometimes others I enounter put words in my mouth and assume they know what Im thinking when what I think is completely different.

I guess I dont care because I am indifferent, but I still love just not like others.

I sincerely appreciate your replies

I've been told that:(
Hey, it's hard when you never feel close to anyone because it's such an emotionally isolating condition.

I get told 'you don't seem to care about yourself!"
I guess I don't.

Yes and No.

I've been called a good friend, nice, humorous helpful and someone who can make others feel happy. I've been told that I do care about and help people. I do care about others. If I see anyone upset or in trouble, I always try and help them.

Paradoxically, I've also been called selfish and arrogant.

It does depend on the sort of people I interact with and how well they know me though. I've known some people be critical and go "nitpicking" only to praise me later. After they've praised me they start "nitpicking" again: very confusing.

I never mean to come across as rude, but when I'm stressed or trying to psych myself up perhaps I do come across as more neurotic. Perhaps my determination and organisation can come across as a domineering when I talk to certain people or find myself in certain situations.

People either really like me/are in awe of me/love me or hate me: there's never any middle ground. Perhaps that's comes with having an extreme personality, I don't know.

I try to care a lot about people, but am told just that by my older NT sister.
It hurts every time she says it.

Three uncaring, emotionless, distant people reside in my house:
me, my older NT sister, and my mom.

To counter, I tell her that her own social paranoia feeds her
own ego and she likes to insult me at any opportunity.

{Her ego is the size of Europa, one of Jupiter's moons.}

Exactly.
I think that it's a different style of communication.

I've read somewhere that subtle body language accounts for 55% of "normal" human communication.

Hmmm. Not in my household. The subtle body langauge only accounts for about 20% of the communication if that. Our style of communication is more musical: it appeals to the ears. Many of our family play musical instruments. Our gestures and expressions are more obvious and communication is clear and to the point. We even draw diagrams for each other sometimes.

Lots lecturers/teachers I've had use a similar style of communication. One chap's voice was so monotone and his expression was so flat that his body language probably only accounted for about 5% of his communication, if that. But his verbal communication was astonishing and lucid: he could paint vivid pictures in my head just with words. He didn't waste words at all. Each word he used was carefully chosen with such sharpness and precision that I was entranced.

Other lecturers I've known have used vivid computer modeling and visual displays to enhance their communication. When your voice and expressions are flat/monotone you have to be inventive to keep the audience's attention.

They used hand gestures when they talked. That's where the expression of lecturers "waving their arms about" comes from. If you can't use your face to communicate subtlety effectively, you have to use more complex verbal and obvious visual means.

There's more than one way to relate and communicate with people.
In fact there are many diverse styles of communication.
I believe that expecting everyone to communicate and relate in the same way when we're all different individuals with different strengths and weaknesses is just...strange.

I've been told that a LOT! USUALLY it is some NONSENSE, like not paying yet ANOTHER $10 because I already spent over $100 to help the person who thinks he is so righteous/lucky. It wasn't for services rendered, but simply as a handout. The guy turned out to be a stinking(Literally smelled of SULFUR because of the clay he used for his hobby) BUM! Or like not helping a person move because I am sick(I have helped MANY people move). Or like not going to a social event(This I just NEVER understood!)! I HATE social events, and they usually just end up making me feel MISERABLE!

I EVEN was called selfish because I wanted to buy a woman fries!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! ! So WHAT was her reason? Because I wouldn't let her just have MINE! If I had, as she wanted, let her have my fries, I couldn't have any fries. So she was calling me selfish because I wanted to have fries, that I paid for. Just TRY to figure THAT one out. I was willing, and OFFERED, to buy her her own.

Everyone that ever called me selfish fit into one of these categories. I am certainly not selfish in any way to any degree. I have freely given a lot of my time, money, etc... And part of my job is teaching, and I have been quick to teach.

BTW the last time I was called selfish was probably like 17 years ago. Probably because I am away from my mother and religious hypocrites. As for the religious hypocrites, a good example of how "selfish" I am is one outreach I was involved with. I helped them get more donations, helped them find more in need, donated, and delivered their meals. They, of course, paid me NOTHING. I stopped ONLY when my BS meter was pegged when I realized that most of those "in need" were there out of choice and were working hard to get into a worse predicament. Still, I donated many thousands of dollars, and hundreds of hours. Oh yeah, RIGHT, I'm selfish. How many of THEM did that much? Some of them didn't even make as much as I donated.

yes. interestingly when I ask them for proof/examples....

Me me me me me 1000% ME! I get told that ALL THAT time! LOL! and like Spokane_girl I tend to let stuff just bounce off if you will. Even my mom calling me a b***h at times Oh well.

I have been told that. It's not true. I don't care about many people, but there are people besides myself who I care about.

I got that all the time when I was a kid. Teachers and relatives always told me I didn't care/like/respect others. And that made me a Bad Boy who should change his ways. Eventually I began to use lines and business from movies that I felt a "caring" person would use. Sometimes the results were deadly and got me beat up. But over they years I learned more and better lines as I saw more movies and I managed to fit in better. I guess I made a game of it. I maintain I always "cared" in a way. I guess I just never saw what good it did to cry and scream when somebody else had a misfortune since it wouldnt help anyway.

My parents used to say that about me because I was always very driven / adamant about doing things my own way. It had more to do with my fixations being so strong that I couldn’t repress my own emotions enough to bend to the wants of the others. In my mind that was different than simply being cold or uncaring. When I went to school I noticed that a lot of the kids were much crueler and less kind to others than I ever was. I thought to myself "at least I'm not purposely being a jerk like those kids". I was sensitive to seeing people mistreated. Thus being called selfish always felt unfair in my mind and the words had a certain sting to them that made me feel resentful.