Do you feel fake asking people how they're doing...

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I like to ash people "what's popping?" instead of "how are you doing?" Many of the times I don't say anything except "hey"

Yes and yes.

I can only say: "I'm okay, how are you doing?"

if someone else has initiated the conversation for me first.
Or that person is a really close trusted friend or relative.

Okay's a pretty neutral word so could mean anything really depending on the mood of the listener. When anyone asked me:
"How did you do in that test?"

I'd always say that I did "okay", because that isn't a lie. I've never got 0% on a test yet. I didn't want to overwhelm other people with my high scores either because it would have just seemed like showing off. Either that or I just bluntly state my score and wait for others to do the Maths.

Sometimes when I'm feeling bad I actually tell the truth and as to why I'm feeling awful. This tends to be with people who are good acquaintances or better.

My response of "I'm okay, how are you?" has become so automatic now after years of trial and painful errors. This response was something I've had to learn to do consciously and suppress my urge to monologue on some erratic topics. The erraticness, interests and references to objects in the environment do creep through in the rest of the conversation though.

If a stranger comes up and asks me how I am and I feel rotten, I pretend I haven't heard, go mute and walk away. I don't want to burden other people with my troubles or ruin their days.

I can't walk up to strangers and ask "How are you?" though.
I wouldn't know how to.
It just wouldn't be me.
I've learned from bitter experience that many people don't seem to like me saying hello to them. However, it's apparently okay if they say hello to me first: they don't seem so confused or hostile.
I wonder if it's a dominance thing?

I notice that some of my friends and family (with task and object orientated speech at home), put on an act when talking to people or going out. It makes me feel awful, I can see right through it: it seems so stilted, pre-rehearsed and unnatural. It's like they're trying to hide something. I sometimes feel angry because the conversational exchange just isn't truthful: it's lie after acrefully constructed lie.

Sometimes and yes.

Sometimes I do feel like asking them because I'm not sure how they're feeling. The thing is, I do care how they're feeling, but I don't find it necessary to ask people how they're feeling, especially if it's obvious or you're going to get the same answer every time. But yes, I usually do feel a bit fake.

It does annoy me a bit when they spend ages asking me about things and they're not even properly listening. I kow they probably do care how I feel, but they don't need to ask me all the time. There's someone at work who asks me about once an hour how I'm doing

yep to both.
I feel like '' Hi how are you?'' not that I really give a stuff but I'm asking because then I probably seem more like an NT by asking useless questions.

why do NTs ask useless questions? I don't get it.

If you want to make convosation, why don't they talk about interesting stuff... 'proper' stuff?

Yes & yes.

I only ask people this question when I haven't seen/spoken to them for ages, or I know they've been ill or something, i.e. when I really want to know how they're doing.

It really irritates me when people ask me how I am when I only talked to them the day before! I have even been known to reply "Exactly the same as I was yesterday!"

I wait for them to ask me. If they ask me, I can have a whole conversation with then. If they don't, then nothing happens.

No, and yes. I have lived long enough to find out that this is just something ppl say. It's like "good morning" and sometimes "how are you?" just follows automaticly.
Sometimes I'm temted to tell ppl who asks that question, just how I feel. Think I saw that in a comedy once. It was in an elevator and somebody asked the main character;"how are you" He then began to speak about his hemorrhoids, loosened his belt and started to lower his pants to show. He was off cause fed up just because of that stupid question everybody asks, all the time.

I don't. It's a social nicety that can be acquired and that is interesting and useful if you know what a normal conversation is like.

Yes to both questions.

I don't mind if it's simply a brief, rote, "You okay, then?/Yeah, fine," exchange upon meeting somebody for the first time that day, as I accept that that's just become a common form of greeting. The question and response spoken parrot-fashion, a reply not expected, before moving on: virtually just a synonym for 'hello'. The acknowledgement of your presence that pakled described.

It does feel very fake, though, when the person speaks it as if they really are asking how you're doing when you know they either don't care, or your circumstances are highly unlikely to have changed since the last time they asked. Someone who barely knows you on a personal level asking you what you did at the weekend, etc. I ask people things if I want to know. If it's not something that interests me or I have no need to know, I don't ask.

I've just been picturing a situation like this, and something's occurred to me. People have often asked me a question of this type, I've replied with the information they requested, and then they've stood there for a moment looking at me in silence. Are they waiting for me to ask similar questions in response and wondering why I don't?

Last edited by Hovis on 15 Jan 2009, 2:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't mind being on either the giving or receiving end when I’m in a more sociable mood. I realize it's just a possible conversation starter. If it just goes a "fine, and you"... "I'm fine thank you" then it means neither party really wants to talk. It's just acknowledging the other's presense.

I only feel fake when I'm forced to respond dishonestly. If I’m in a real crap mood and I don’t want say "fine, and you" I’m forced to respond with a meek "alright". I fear that if I tell the truth they'll ask me what's wrong. Noooo! I used to always answer honestly and give a detailed answer until I realized that it was socially acceptable to lie. In my case "alright" actually means "I'm in a crap mood, don't bother me".

Oh yea, and I remember in middle school I used to reply with "the ceiling" when people asked "what's up" and I didn't want to answer. I thought it was clever. Some kids used to tease me by asking me "what's up" since I hardly ever had an answer. It took me a while to realize that I could simply reply with "not much" to get people to leave me alone.

It's totally fake, and I'm pretty sure everyone knows it, the only difference is some of us hit "Pause" and scrutinize the fact. Not replying with a positive response is merely a turnaround to let the other person know you actually have some interesting news to share with them upon meeting, and this "How are you?" can be a nice, thoughtless lead-in, in addition to an informal greeting.

The irony is, because of this, I might be thought of as having a communication deficit in discursive thought for bothering to realize this, even though I'm appreciating language in a much more essential way.

Yeah, every question kills me... I only have to say "hey" but
even that kills me leave alone saying how someones day whas
(i mostly don't even say hey but then i risk a discusion)

I just use and reply to "How are you?" like any other greeting now. I just trot out the prescribed question / answer, because it's what everyone else uses.

It did freak me out a bit though when I automatically said "How are you?" to a colleague, and they told me in detail.

The phrase that still panics me, when I get it from American colleagues, is "What's up?". Being English, to me "What's up?" is a real question that expects an answer, when someone thinks you're down or ill. When I first heard it, I used to reply angrily "Nothing, I'm fine!!", because I'm always fed up of people thinking I'm bored, tired, miserable, etc etc.

Yes, since I have a hard time with being able to fully read facial expressions thereby, I often resort to asking the person in question despite the fact, this looks stupid.. Actually, I'm not very good with picking up on other people's emotional responses either wherein; I often feel at a loss if not empty of emotional receptivity..
Nothing more to say upon this...