How did you feel when you found out you had AS?

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When I found out I am autistic, it was as if suddenly, I realised the world was not quite how I always thought it was. That part of the discovery was awe-inspiring. While learning about ASDs, I also learnt of the existence of body language and eye contact. I also realised just how much other people think and feel. A few years ago I had realised that in essence, but my judgement had been clouded because I did not realise just how much it really means, how extremely the world is shaped by that other people constantly think about the world too and, unlike me, constantly think of people too.

These consequences of the finding were and still are - I wonder but doubt that I ever get used to it - so amazing.

It all enabled me to learn so much on how to get along better with the world. How to interact with people in a way that ensures expression of myself adequately. And thanks to whatever reason, I learn many things including this pretty fast.

Something the finding didn't change was how I felt about me. I feel as good about and as comfortable with myself as I did before knowing of autism.

I feel that the importance of this discovery wasn't about myself, because I knew myself, but about the rest of the world that had been very unknown to me so far.

I thought So just because I have a well developed self I have a syndrome?

I was very young at the time and still very much in my own world. I simply denied that there was anything different about me.

It took until around early high school before it became very evident to me and I accepted that I had AS.

I'm afraid fro my career, if anyone found out. I can it being used against me in the pursuit for upper management positions.

No cure, no treatment, no need for diagnosis I suppose at this point.

I can't imagine how people would treat or talk down to me, if they heard the word 'autism' . . .

Hell, I wore hearing aids once for a few days, until it destroyed my social status in school. Kids talked slow to me and shouted at me. . I was the class 'tard all of a sudden . . . Then I just pretended one day that I wasn't deaf in one ear and mostly in the other. "I was just wearing those as a joke. . "

'twas a helluva struggle, but I got by (barely).

I'm still very frustrated with the world around me, trying to understand my deficits in light of my career accomplishments. . . I self medicate in a big and secret way, knowing that is not the answer, but do it anyway to 'dim the hyperactive symptoms' a bit for comfort and a lack of understanding/therapy choices from docs.

Anyone else 'torn' about the idea they have this? Ashamed, in the closet, so to speak. ?

I felt relieved and also angry. Relieved cause I know knew what was wrong with me. Angry because why didn't we find out earlier. Some counselor gave me a dx off PDD we didn't find out no one told us. Now I have a mt,tss, and a case manager.

A mixture of shock,relief,amazement,vulnerability and curiosity!

A quote from the bible sums up the feeling of revelation-
"For now we see through a glass,darkly.But then shall we know as even also we are
known"