I Give In...

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(not the dramatic thread you might've expected from the title)
I got the diagnosis about 45 days ago. Maybe more.
I hemmed and I hawed over the validity; whether it really applied to me.
I denied the diagnosis for a short time thinking it might be just easier to believe I'm a jerk.
Then it hit me: Maybe I'm a jerk with a touch of Asperger's thrown in for good measure!
Or a person with Asperger's with a smidge of a-holeness.
I dunno.
I thought finding out might provide some holy grail of peace that I'd been missing for the past 40 years.
It hasn't.
I'm still the same ol' me.
Just with more information.
So I wonder: Did the knowledge that Asperger's might be an issue in your life do absolutely nothing?
Or is it just me?

Sorry for the 'tude. I've had a lot to drink tonight.

i am suspecting this may indeed be the case, NQ.
initially i thought it might lead to some almighty shift or change....some frigging whizz bang stars and lightening stuff....

but as time goes on i basically realise things are as f****d as they always were except now i have an explanation.

i am still an ex ho ex junkie ex ratbag jailheadsuperbrain nutter who cannot make sense of other people

and just to throw salt into the wound.... I also have to cop the fascist crap from Zukeybaby Zukenkerl


have a beer or two for me.. i have already exceeded my lifetime quota

When I first found out(on my own), about 3 years ago, it was life-changing. I thought I had found all the answers that I've been searching for, all my life. The euphoria was short-lived though. After a short time, I realized that nothing was really any different. As you stated, I just had more information about myself. So, in my normal fashion, all the information was categorized and stored, just like everything else. My life then continued as normal, although with an upgraded understanding of my existence.

millie- you and I could be anatomically incorrect twins .
"ex ho ex junkie ex ratbag jailheadsuperbrain nutter who cannot make sense of other people" describes me to the proverbial "T".

Someone can be a jerk and also have AS. Who says aspies can't be jerks?


Why do you say you're a jerk?

Most people who only know me casually seem to think I am something of a jerk. It's "classic*" Asperger's: I'm too quick-to-the-point and matter-of-fact; little if any patience for "pleasantries" and a complete disregard for policies that don't seem to make a lick of sense.

I can imagine this being a problem for those concerned with pleasantries and things. But that's THEIR problem.

NQ...this i know.
and there ARE a few of us around on WP who challenge the prevailing f*****g stereotypes - thank god.



stay cool. and keep the quilts coming.

i think that in a case in which understanding the reason for one's troubles or differences becomes a problem in itself, it can help quite a bit.

some may try their very best to be and do their very best by doing what is logical to them and become frustrated when it fails or even makes things worse.

having an understanding of where the issues lie allows for someone to put more appropriate focus on them.




knowing is only the 1st step. learning what causes an infection does not cure the infection. (that is an example, not literally comparing ASD to infection or speaking of curing ASD)
changes don't happen by magic. it still takes work. if there are things that make life more difficult and you learn this by learning about ASD then you can focus on those things and have some basis for making life better.

Well, if that's the criteria for being a jerk, there are alot worse things you could be! I'd say these traits held more positives than negatives, but I'm biased.

For me, my life hasn't changed yet, but I understand myself a bit better which gives me a clear sense of where I might be going, what I'm capible of and what I'm not. Hopefully I can start working on some of my problems now that their causes have been made clearer.

Then again, I do have days where it all feels like a huge waste of time just to find out my brand of batshit insanity has a diagnostic term to describe it.

My reaction to my diagnosis was two things:

1. Not surprised because I had researched Asperger's and saw how it appied to me.
2. Relief because I could now fit all the puzzle pieces together in my life---it made sense.

Then, I went home after my diagnosis of Asperger's and felt happy. I had an official title to explain my unusual life (unusual in the eyes of NTs). And I had a plan---to make myself a better husband and father. I am receiving therapy for that---and I am making progress.

I have currently been involved with exploring my childhood. I took cassette tapes of me talking when I was around 6 years old to an expert speech therapist at the school where I teach, and she quickly identified the typical Asperger's speech pattern in it. I have gotten my IQ scores from my old school. I had always thought I was intellectually gifted---but I am not (my IQ is listed as 111). However, I am gifted because of my Asperger's---and I am proud of that. I am currently having my parents' old 8mm home movies transferred to DVD. I haven't watched those films in years. I want to see how I behave in them. I know I walked funny because of a problem I had in walking---I had to wear corrective shoes. It will be fun to watch myself as a child now knowing that I had autism. (I was born by emergency C-section after 45 minutes of oxygen deprivation).

I think what this is all about is that after 44 years of life so far, I am finally beginning to know myself in a new light. I was diagnosed a few days after my 44th birthday this past November. I am in no way ashamed of being autistic. I am actually proud of being autistic. I even wear my WrongPlanet golf shirt out in public a lot. I am who I am, and I have always been me. The official diagnosis has given me a label that I can now apply to my life---and I love it.

People used to make me feel like a jerk, because I'd say things and people would overreact, so I started to doubt myself and thought maybe I was just a b***h by nature. But then I realised that their perception is not my reality, and that who I am inside is more important than what they think they see.

didn't affect me. i already knew something was up, it was pretty obvious.

I think everyone has an "inner as*hole", sort of like an "inner child". Some of us introverted aspies get more stressed by conflict so we learned to be careful. Maybe this isn’t all that much better than being blunt as I tend to rage on the inside when I witness all the stupidity that surrounds me. I wish I had the guts to say what I really feel. NT's always seem to learn the art of passive aggresivity (is that a word?) so they can pretend not to be as*holes on the surface while still maintaining their core personality. That's not so easy for us though. We're too open and honest.

When I first was diagnosed (as a teenager), I thought it was ridiculous. I was convinced that I was awesome and everybody else had some kind of problem. (To be fair, this might be partly because I went to a bunch of different specialists and some of their conclusions really were nonsense.) So I didn't think much about it.

Then I did think about it, and it started to make more sense. At that point my Aspie-ness got really bad, because suddenly I had permission to melt-down at the slightest provocation. "You smell that? No? Well, I'm going to freak out about it and ruin this family dinner anyway."

But that got old fast, so I sort of had a talk with the Aspie part of me and laid out the ground rules. I avoid my triggers when I can, and when I can't I just deal with them. Things are much better lately.

So... why so down on yourself, NQ? I don't think you're a jerk.

Hands Nocturnal Quilter a towel.
Good for you Nocturnal Quilter.
As an air-breathing, land-dwelling type creature, I expect you're much better off not living in the De Nile.