A-sexuality and autism

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I have a libido, but I'm pretty happy to go for months or years at a time without sex, and when I do seek it out, it's generally because I'm lonely or bored. I don't get mentally turned on (just physically) while I'm with people, and it never feels particularly good; I don't come, so it's frustrating and gives me blueball. Sex for me is mostly about getting the other person off (which I'm very good at, fortunately). I like the intimacy more than the sex; just being naked with someone is nice, and I like having someone to hold while I fall asleep sometimes.

i don't often think about or desire sex. Wouldn't say i'm asexual though. I've had one sexual partner, and if i don't think too much about it then sex is good. But when i start thinking about having sex- i get put off by the ickiness that's involved!

I'm a female aspie who is definitely heterosexual with a good sex drive. I do have a male aspie friend who is the opposite, he's got no desire for sex at all.

I'm not sure, let's ask my porn collection!

i'm actually a pseudo-nymphomaniac, and very much a dyke. i've known i was a dyke since i was 8 years old and had my first sexual experience with another girl (100% by choice). Since then, i have had a couple other sexual partners (one being a man, which confirmed my dykehood).

i'm now partnered with a wonderful woman who has worked with autistic and other DD people for a large portion of her adult life. i'm very blessed.

So i guess the answer is: i'm very much NOT asexual lol.

^^ you are Zsexual

Can't say i've ever heard the term "Zsexual"... what's it mean?

BTW: Omgosh! i LOVE your avatar!! Is it a shot from Twilight Princess? (Or did i totally miss it? lol)

I think that because homo and hetero sexuality are social construction and didnt even exist until the Victorian era (same sex relationships happened but they werent named and shamed, they were normal) some AS people arent affected by the stereotypes because AS people often live outside those stereotypes. that is my experience anyway. There are many more categories than just homo and hetero aswell, there are combinations of genders,sex and sexuality and as each has alot of categories that makes more and more combinations.

I fall under the category of highly heterosexual, but I too have given up on having a girlfriend. I had one once though, but that's another story/cry. There's nothing about sex that I don't like, but I'm deathly afraid to talk to women.

As my sex drive is concerned, I have a high sex drive. I've been attracted to females since I was about 11 or 12, but I've never been girl-crazy or had a real pressure to need a girlfriend like other guys, I've had a few crushes over the years but nowhere as many as other guys.

These days I am concerned about being alone for the rest of my life, but more in the long term than in the short term, I am also concerned about my total lack of experience in interacting with the opposite sex in comparison to my peers. In the near to medium term future it is something I am aiming to overcome.

What I am saying is kind of weird, but that is me. I dunno if that is caused by my HFA or that I am very intelligent and often think about other things or I have repressed my attraction towards girls over the years or it is just an aspect of my personality which is totally indpendent of anything.

Here's the (rather old) inverse poll.

I have no sex-drive whatsoever and am wondering if/when it will get me into trouble.

Interesting. I'm definitely female, definitely aspergers, and definitely not asexual. Definitely would have liked to have had more male companionship through the years than I found.

Something I have noticed. Women are supposed to be really intuitive about the whole process - there's all that eye flirting, knowing when to smile the right kind of smile, etc., etc., etc. Which is a complete bafflement to me. (I can't even get the mascara on without poking myself in the eye.) I guess it's like the code Southern ladies used to use, with their fans. How they held the fan, how they fluttered it, etc., is reported to have transmitted what they were not, as "proper" ladies, allowed to say. (I'm doomed.)

So, short of my tripping a guy and then getting to the floor faster than he can fall down, I have absolutely no idea how to go about making that kind of message clear. Or really, even, when it's appropriate to do so. How do you know when to say anything, anyway? Unless you're in the room with someone who is extremely verbal about such things. (Which isn't very often.) Yeah, I'm sure they are sending signals one way or the other. I keep hearing that they do that. But if I whup out a "deciper the code" manual and say "hold still a minute, hmmm, the eyes are doing a kind of half 6.2, the lean is in the "maybe" zone, and the smile is kind of a category 3B...." they are gonna hit the door faster than I can turn the page.

And really, if I got the timing wrong, it would be right up there with the behavior of someone who expected the guy to leave a $20 on the dressing table on the way out the door. (All of the above discounts being stuck in a room with someone who is obviously only there expecting that you are offering the $20 special. Those folks' signals are exceptionally and unpleasantly clear.)

Guess I'll dust off the rocking chair and take up knitting. And the gods help the mailman, if he's halfway cute.


Oh. Yeah. No, I had absolutely no interest in men until I hit about 22/23 years of age. I knew I was "supposed" to, but nothing really kicked into gear until I was about 25. I believe we used to be called "late bloomers."

Well it certainly can't be your sense of humour that's turning 'em off.

Sounds a lot like my experiences in life except that I'm a heterosexual male...well actually I'm more like a lesbian trapped in a man's body. I wouldn't say that I'm asexual but in the almost 12 months that it's been, I've lost the physical recollection of sex and find myself more longing just for intimacy with someone. Not that, having secured said intimacy, I wouldn't then be thinking of the logical progression. It's just that when I have a crush on someone, usually it has to be a chronic, intense one before I actually start to fantasise sexually about them. After the last time this happened I swore off cannabis sativa for life.

I'm actually in the midst of a primo crush right now and, well, no prizes for guessing what's right and properly screwing me up big time. Trouble is I'm still going through that same manual, when by rights I should have taken a Zippo to the MF after the woman in question gave me a lift home and kissed me on the mouth. I really do think that she likes me but I'm finding it hard to respond to the signals (eye contact, sometimes excessive physical contact) and I'm pretty sure it's turning her off.

For a guy to try to read this type of thing is hard because you have to factor in that someone can just be flirting with you. Now I think most NT men find it frustrating enough but there really ought to be some kind of sexual Geneva Convention that dictates that you can't do it to an Aspie. I personally also have the problem that a lot of women's comfort in my personal space is due to the widely held perception that I'm gay. Even the last person I slept with initially thought so. So yeah...just being hetero doesn't mean I'm not confused.

Well I would suggest that there's always the priesthood...but mentioning that in conjunction with sexuality is opening a whole new can of worms. But at least I would get to hear some hot confessions...[/i]

Last edited by neptunevsmars on 27 Mar 2006, 11:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

Nope. I'm straight.

What turning them off? I haven't been asked out on a date since before some of the posters on this board were born. [insert quiet sigh, here]

Yeah, and there's always a career with the BoyScouts if the Church doesn't do it for you.
Probably have to smoke a turd in purgatory for mentioning that....