What "social rule" do you dislike the most?

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holden
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17 Feb 2009, 2:24 pm

It's all such a pain in the rear. The eye contact, the handshakes, the false pleasantries, the small talk. Its all cr*p, and exhausting.

Of course if all the AS people in the world lived together in a self supporting/self sustaining community we wouldn't need to do any of this. Since we live in their world, we have no choice.

For me the toughest is having to meet new people. When one of my kids goes to a birthday party or has a neighborhood event. I have to meet all the neighbors and the other parents. I want to run home and hide in the basement. None of them know me, so I know they don't give a rat's hooty about me, and I have no inclination to talk to any of them. But its necessary. I've yet to meet an NT parent with interests as nearly diverse as mine. In fact most can only talk about their wife, kids, job and sports. If I stray off into physics, computer building, politics, Kabalah, FPS, body building, etc.. they immediately get a glazed look. Then they walk off to someone else to talk to and I stand there alone; feels like being a 13 y/o kid again every time. Then I make an excuse to leave and I feel them talking about me as I walk away.



anna-banana
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17 Feb 2009, 2:29 pm

the "it's not what you say, it's the way you say it". I don't know how my tone of voice should sound. people keep telling me that I sound rude, my boss tells me I don't sound "enthusiastic enough" whatever that means. or that I sound "mechanic" or angry or sad. WTF??? I only care about the content :roll:

and I hate handshakes- I only tolerate them the first time I meet a person (and only if they have a firm handshake, I *hate* jellyfish handshakes).


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millie
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17 Feb 2009, 2:32 pm

the one that says there are social rules....



LiendaBalla
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17 Feb 2009, 2:35 pm

anna-banana wrote:
the "it's not what you say, it's the way you say it". I don't know how my tone of voice should sound. people keep telling me that I sound rude, my boss tells me I don't sound "enthusiastic enough" whatever that means. or that I sound "mechanic" or angry or sad. WTF??? I only care about the content :roll:


That to, really deeply annoys me to no end. Content is far more important, because sometimes everybody can't help their tone. How perfect does someone have to sound already? Geez! Obviously I sound mean sometimes, though not on purpose by a long shot. If I didn't, people wouldn't yell at me. :?



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17 Feb 2009, 2:39 pm

anna-banana wrote:
my boss tells me I don't sound "enthusiastic enough"


I was fired from my previous job partly and mainly because I didn't look enough like I was enjoying myself - as the big boss would always tell me. So in my current job, whenever I see one of the bosses around, I make this stupid face like I'm skiiing in Austria with the love of my life rather than being in a cubicle with no ventilation or window, our salaries having been reduced last week retroactive to last month, the head of the dept. being such an abuser that 10 people have left the company because of them, massive firings taking place in our company, and being overworked in an inhuman way. It's so ridiculous to demand that employees pretend they're enthusiastic and having fun, I really don't understand bosses, I don't know what they gain from forcing people to pretend. Probably these are the same guys that when they pay a prostitute, they demand that she pretend to have an orgasm.


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MizLiz
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17 Feb 2009, 2:44 pm

Small talk because they don't ever want a real answer to "How are you?" and that's just one example of why I hate it. It's all so phoney. Their world is so contrived. I don't say that to be superior. It's just that... it's all so plastic to me.

But I'd say eye contact because it's like torture to me.



anna-banana
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17 Feb 2009, 2:51 pm

MizLiz wrote:

But I'd say eye contact because it's like torture to me.


I've noticed throughout the years that scant eye-contact is not that big an issue. most people never comment about it... maybe it's different in the US, but I can count the times when someone complained about me not looking at them, easily, at least in a casual conversation (when I worked in a bar my boss kept telling me to look at the customers daily, but that's different).

I don't look at people much and if they have a problem with that they sure don't tell me about it.


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Amicitia
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17 Feb 2009, 3:41 pm

Saying "bless you" when someone sneezes. It's an outdated religious practice.

Also, having to excuse yourself from socializing. My friends would always accuse me of walking out on conversations without saying goodbye. Well, everybody is talking and I don't want to interrupt just to tell them I'm leaving! It's not like I won't see them again later in the day...



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17 Feb 2009, 4:11 pm

Dragonfly_Dreams wrote:
Asking about others when you really don't care.

Neighbor:"How are you??"
Me: Good. (supposed to say, "Good! And you?"

Meh.


I don't really mind just a brief, rote, "How are you?"/"Fine." exchange. It's when they go on and on, persisting in asking you what have you been doing, what did you do at the weekend, where are you going on your holidays, etc., etc., etc., and expect you to do the same in return when you don't care and you know they don't care either.



lyricalillusions
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17 Feb 2009, 5:04 pm

I don't like how you're expected to smile & say hello, &/or shake a persons hand when you meet them. I'm not good at smiling when I'm being forced to. It's so un-natural. I don't like shaking peoples hands because it makes me uncomfortable. I can say "Hi," if I have to, but would prefer to leave it at that. Some people persist in trying to converse with me, which is something I can't do. I naver know what to say or how to say it & just hate the whole process. I wish people would just let me be in situations like that.

Also, looking into people's eyes. I've learned over the past year-year and a half how to do it, but it's still hard & I still have to try very hard not to look away. I don't understand why people need you to look them in the eye when they're talking to you.


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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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17 Feb 2009, 5:42 pm

I used to say "bless you" all the time but lately I have been so sullen I hardly ever speak, not even to say "bless you". I have been in a constant bad mood for a while now.
I tend to obsess on the past and how it has warped my outcome and how vastly different my mentality is from the people I am surrounded by. I think it's both a mixture of genes and not being neurotypical. I think my genes I got from my father are what make my temperment and mentality so different. Some of it has to do with ethnicity, I am sure. Not all, but some. My temperment and orientation are so different and the people around here hate it. They want me to be more like they are and I want to be silent and morose. I have never been good at the same stuff they are. I notice there is only one type of person who is good at it and the others are more like me. I fit in better with minorities.
Gloomy, silent, grouchy, touchy, morose. All describe me. Around here, they really resent that. But when I am cheerful they seem puzzled then, too.
Whenever someone says "Hi, how are you" I respond "Fine, you?" and sometimes they act like they resent the "you?" and since it's so random I have gotten into the habit of dropping the "you".



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17 Feb 2009, 6:12 pm

My least favorite is having to greet everyone that you see eg walking down the hallway. I want to just keep looking at the floor and going where I'm going.. why do I have to say hi and smile at you? I have no business with you.. I'm just going to the bathroom. Lol



mistercheech
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17 Feb 2009, 6:21 pm

saying hi lol.



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17 Feb 2009, 8:42 pm

Stray-Ana wrote:
Greentea wrote:
The pecking order, namely the fact that everyone is expected to behave differently to those they need more than need them, and to those that need them more than they do. The fact that people take sh** from above and dish it down. I despise this rule with a vengeance.


Yeah, I agree, this is high up on my list also.


I also agree, this is right at the top of my list.


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17 Feb 2009, 8:51 pm

My biggest pet peeve is having to do my job "by the book" when district managers visit. If "by the book" work, I'd do it all the time.


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17 Feb 2009, 8:53 pm

Those social lies
Asking "how are you?" or "How's the weather" and not even being interested
Saying "hi" to every person
People communicating through body language than using words
Can't tell on your friend, even if someone asks "who did this?"