Growing up my dad used to tell me that worrying doesn't solve problems. That was my first cue that I thought about things far more than the average person. When I was 13, I used to dread bedtime. This was my first experience with obsessive thinking, although I didn't realise at the time that that was what I was doing. I'd lay there with thought after thought after thought racing and/or wandering through my mind. The subject matter was all over the place, as it usually was, but for whatever reason at this time, my thoughts would always end with me feeling very anxious and stressed about what I would do when the day came that I'd fall asleep and not hear my parents breathing and or snoring down the hall. How would I handle them not existing? How could I exist in a world without them? Would I forget my mom's aging hands? Would I always remember my Dad's calming voice? etc etc etc etc Hearing them snore only reminded me that one day I wouldn't anymore. I hated it and it scared the crap out of me, so for about a period of 2 or so months, I'd go to bed with a feeling of doom. Then one day, it just didn't happen anymore. The thoughts still did, but the death obsession subsided.
Falling asleep has always been difficult, not impossible however, as I learned to just sort of ride all my thoughts until I drift off.
I recall when I was 18 a friend saying to me "Sue, I LOVE the way your mind works ....but I'd hate to be you" Having random, varied thoughts has helped me come off as witty, funny, quick, and smart. I analyze just about everything. At work we wear earplugs, and as I stand there all day with ...well...myself, I find myself observing and studying the people around me. Sometimes I don't feel like I need to talk to people, if I have enough time to step back and observe them, I can usually gather what they're about. This comes from a lifetime of thought after thought.
At 24, 3 years after my son was born, and 3 yrs after day in day out obsessive thinking (I wasn't obsessed with any particular subject, but my continuous thought processes always lead to negative when the positive ran out)... I finally checked myself into the crisis centre at our local hospital. I was completely, 110% overwhelmed with the simple fact that I could not stop thinking. It was leading to anxiety and panic. I've often commented to my spouse that if only I could apply all of that thinking to something worth while, I'd have it made!
Thinking has been both my dearest friend, and my constant enemy. It's weird to me that I can think that much, yet still be unable to see the bigger picture, and get tripped up in all the details.....arg!