Cruel(lest) ways you've been rejected?

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I was kind of a loner in elementary school (I say was; I still am, by most standards, but I’m less of one now than I was), in the sense that I didn’t have a group or a best friend or whatever to hang out with. Naturally (?) this concerned people; in particular, my parents, and my second grade teacher, Mrs V. The tangible result of her concern was a play date with another kid in the class (I guess someone who also tripped her “different” alarm). So, with the encouragement of both sets of parents, we met and bonded.

For the next two years, we were best friends; we’d do all of the best friend stuff, like calling each other daily, hanging out at each others houses, having sleepovers, and so on.

Eventually, in the middle of fourth grade, I guess he got tired of me. Uninhibited, (apparently) lonely elementary school me was probably a tad bit clingy. We wouldn’t talk to each other as much outside of school, then he’d start avoiding me during school, and before I could figure out what was going on, we weren’t really friends anymore. I knew other kids at school, but not in the “let’s hang out and eat lunch and do stuff together a lot” sense, so I pretty much reverted back to being a loner for the rest of fourth and fifth grade, only a more self-conscious loner, because now I realized that it was normal to have close friends, that it was nice to have someone to talk to, and that I didn’t really have either of those.

It was neither as discrete nor as obviously catastrophic as some of the rejections in this thread, but it hurt. We never really talked about why, or what I’d done wrong, and never really associated with each other after that (I saw him once in high school, but not for anything more than 30 seconds of forced small talk).

I wonder sometimes about how the best friend for a while experience affected the way I socialize.

I made friends after him, eventually (the group of someone I knew adopted (for lack of a better term) me). I had friends in middle school, friends in high school, and have friends in college. Almost universally, they’re kind of distant, cool friendships, though. We’ll hang out together, we’ll eat together at the dining commons, go camping, and the stuff that friends do. But I never really seem to open up to them. Some will confide things in me, or ask me for advice, or try to have serious conversations about what’s bothering them, and I listen happily, but I never really reciprocate. We still end up being friends, in a sense, but it’s a sort of safe friendship: one where I don’t feel any attachment, and one where I won’t be hurt if they move away, graduate, or stop talking to me.

In the past year, I’ve made a new friend with whom I feel comfortable being more open. He’s now closer to a best friend than most anyone I’ve known since that first rejection. Being friends with him is harder than having safe friends. In getting attached to him, I’m certainly more vulnerable than I was before: my emotional state is, to a point, tied to him being around when I need him, I'd be a wreck if he stopped liking me or talking to me, and I guess I think about that more than I should. But the upside is (I say, now) worth it, I think. It’s cool to know that someone in the world would miss you if you left, and that someone in the world doesn’t mind listening to your problems and thoughts.

Aside from that, the only ones that bother me are those for group work in school. I remember my eighth grade English class, in particular. Our teacher was fond of group work, so we’d often be told to break up into groups. It was like everyone in the class either knew each other, or knew some protocol or other that led to group formation, because it seemed like everyone would have a full group before I could figure out what was going on and join one. Generally, this doesn’t bother me. Most teachers, after getting to know me, are okay with me working alone when they assign group work (which is fine by me: I usually like to work alone). This one wasn’t, so every time we had a group assignment, I’d end up having to walk up to the front of the room and ask to be put into a group. Which sucked. Every walk was a little reminder to everyone in the room that I didn’t fit in and wasn’t quite normal.

Oh well. Reading this thread was surprisingly reassuring. At least I’m not alone in having these experiences.

Easier to be that way, it really came down hard yesterday, my dad's "new" (not so new anymore. ^^) girlfriend tried to give me a gift, but the way she presented it, a rather aggressive jump and poked against me with it and tried to make me take it, every single waringsystem I have started balzeing to max instantly and I went in to the second most defencive mode I have, I refused to tuch it at all. It was like she was tryig to set me up, I know that she weren't, but the way it came was like when someone trys to give you something so that you'll get in trouble for holding it. I simply refused to take it, and I knew that it hurt her (and really annoyed my dad) that I wouldn't take it so I tried to explain that I don't like "sudden, unprovoced" gifts, witch made my dad say that I "need to practise more." and that he understand if my mom sometimes gets irritated by my actions.
That really got to me becouse it was like he was saying that my reaction was unjustified, not recgoniceing that it's something builed up on a lifetime of bad experiences (and he knows alot of what happened to me) so implying that really annoyed me.
But atleast she now knows that I don't want any gifts from people anymore.
I wonder if it had something to do with some kind of family bonding? Anyone have a clue?

Yupp, I'm swedish, it's allout winter here. ^^ Snow and ice everywhere.
(Sorry for the late reply, my computor has a serious meltdown and won't access internet.)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlDd1cEE0TM&NR=1
The title means "Pearls to pigs" and it's about that eternal guy-friend that has to watch the girl he loves go from one ass to another.


This is a funny thing about a flock, don't try to be nice and don't try to help everyone (this is truely really hard learned lessons, take them to heart everyone!), help sertain people and pay back any sort of attack big time right away, but do not advance beyond that. 5 seconds before 'till 5 seconds after they do something. That's the opening you have to retaliate hard and fast. If you miss, you'll have to wait untill next time they try something.
NT's are looking for their place in the flock and you'll have to prove that you're better than they are (as solinoure did) and then stop there. Give them some attention sometimes but allways when you decide to do it. You are running the show.
Being able to make fast, extremly venomous replys is allways good (I have perfected the art). If you really want to make people stop geting to you, get books on leadership and become the leader.


They would indeed be horrified, but not recognice when they do it themselves anyway.


They didn't want to say it out loud becouse that would make them feel bad.


You do, we're here.


Hey, she was honset with you! She didn't say something like "I don't like this room" and then told everyone els that you where a freak. That's rare.


Very familiar, in my latest school I deliberatly put myself outside their social hierarchy and observed how the grouped when tolded to (this was not my purpose when distancing myself, I just didn't like their ranking system) . They group according to rank.

We once had a very interesting game at that school, pair up (no talking during the game), everyone gets two cards: one with a turtle and one with a shark. Both people pick a card an show it at the same time: The scoring is the following: 2 turtles gives both players 2 point. 1 shark and 1 turtle gives the shark 3 point and the turtle 1. 2 sharks gives 1 point each.

So, the best you can do is to cooperate and both lay turtles, but it's allways someone that throw in a shark somewhere and ruins the whole deal, then people start throwing out sharks all the time to protect themselves and they all end up on low scores.
And it allways seems to be the "high rank" that throws in the first shark.

The most chilling kind of rejection I've experienced (and it's been life-long) is the one where people behave as though I'm not as real as the others, or don't notice my existence. It's difficult to explain, but I'll attempt it through examples.

- I can be around a certain group for many months or years (e.g. a class or forum) and get treated as more invisible than immediate newcomers. So far, this is the place I've experienced this the least.

- I end up just leaving places and people I've interacted with for ages (e.g. been in relationships with), and am never contacted again.

- I was once with someone for a few weeks. The day he dumped me, he gave the reason that my existence didn't really mean anything to him. He hadn't even bothered to take advantage physically (thankfully) even though he was a virgin, embarrassed about being one, and didn't want to be one. He said there were some people he knew that would be heaven to be with.

- There's this weird look I often get from others, which isn't really a look; it's more like they are looking right through me. They will converse with a person beside me and not seem to see I'm standing right there.

- Some people I lived with a few years ago would ignore me when I walked into the room (and would seem to look through me), but not do this to others. Everyone would talk about everyone else, but, to them, I seemed to have more in common with a potted plant in terms of social relevance.

- I once had a supervisor who was quite friendly and we seemed to get on OK. He gave me a big assignment to complete, which I proceeded to spend months on. He was supposed to check on my progress, but never did. I got the distinct impression I didn't exist to him. The week he was due to leave, I thought I'd best ask him what to do with all my work, which was for a project he would be continuing to work on. He would have left without telling me anything if I hadn't done this (I know because I waited until the last minute to see him). He said we'd discuss it via email. However, he never, ever got back to me, and I had months of wasted work stored and taking up space for years just in case it was ever requested.

- Sometimes at school, I'd be invited to join groups. All that would ever happen would be I'd follow them around like a lemon and still have great trouble not losing the group. It would take all my energy just to keep up and remain in their physical vivinity, and there would be zero interaction between us. Once realising I was essentially non-existent, I'd stop expending the energy and remain alone.


For all the above, I would not experience much pain at all. I guess it's due to having extreme introversion and tolerance for solitude. The most painful rejection was the one involving my supervisor, but that was because it was extremely stressful not knowing what the heck was going on.

In my area, I am the one doing the rejecting.

Some girls just don't get it so I have to publicly embarrass them to have them slump off and not try and get me to go out on a date with them.

My ex I went on a walk with, i had stashed my bike in the woods we got to a sign that says no dumping with a fine on it. I told her "it was a small price to pay." took my bike and sped off in the distance.

Can we swap lives? Pretty please?

((((hugs))))

~LL~

I can just give you a couple of my crushes...

That was really very nasty.

*takes a bow*

Wow... I have been rejected in the cruelest way possible... and I didn't even know it until just now.

I just discovered something very..
.. painful.

no you haven't, I haven't rejected you yet...

In school, I was the target of just about all the cruel pranks on this thread, and then more. It did get better after starting a couple of fights, though.
A few years ago, I was going through a rough patch in my life - apart from my health, everything was going wrong. My gf of 5+ yrs broke up with me, and I emailed who I considered my best friend and who I'd known for years, but hadn't heard from recently - not a long rant or a suicidal thing or anything (though I did feel on the brink of suicidal), just 2 or 3 lines mentioning the breakup. He never replied, in any way. They say silence is the most perfect expression of scorn. Years later he attempted to re-establish contact (with no mention of any of this), and I decided to ignore it - I didn't want his 'friendship' anymore. I made a couple of new friends, and had pretty much the same thing happen when I moved - I made an attempt to keep in touch, none of them did. That strongly shaped my view of friendship for a while, I saw it as worthless, short-lived, disposable. I no longer believe this, but I do have trust issues, and do not easily confide in people. Real friends are the ones that are there for you when all hell breaks loose; the other kind of friendship is worthless, short-lived and disposable.

Dude, one thing you gotta understand....you can try explaining how you are to your folks, 'til the cows come home. They don't see life out your eyes, so they're not gonna get it. My Dad doesn't, and I understand that.

outlier, I've become invisible too in the last few years. Ever since I learned how not to rub people the wrong way, what I get is invisibility. It's better than making enemies everywhere, at least for me in my situation, though not less painful.

Even though I am making an effort to be a bit more social, I can appreciate "quiet time" to do the things that I want to do. And I know I need to learn a thing or two sometimes about rubbing people the wrong way - which is usually caused by some form of Aspie-moment.

Thats actually really f*****g low tbh.

Yeah, it's funny...but it IS low, dude. C'mon, yer Autistic; yer better than that...at least so I would hope....