Aspergers/Autism nd feeling empathy

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Greetings everyone, I am brand new here, glad to have found this site. My spouse suspects that I have Aspergers after doing some research on the condition, and I took an online test (I think about 50 questions) which when I got my results, stated that I have a high degree of Aspergers. My question is this; time and again I have read that people with Aspergers/Autism typically have little empathy for others feelings which just isn't me at all. I believe have more than the average "normal" person IMO - way more. I would appreciate any feedback on matter, thanks very much in advance :--)

Some people with AS can have empathy and some cannot. Not everyone with AS has the same symptoms. Like some people with AS hand flap, and I don't.
I'm one of those ones that have difficulty with empathy. I can feel it, but identifying that emotion and sharing it with others is hard.

go to aspergerjourneys.com - it is a blog written by a friend of mine. (no www in front>)
she has written about the AS empath --

i can feel empathy - but i process it cognitively.

i also have feelings but they can be very rudimentary.

Read all you can and see if you can identify with what you read on the subject.
go to an AS specialist and get a proper dx.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!! !! !!

Most discussion comes down to we have sympathy, we do feel for others, but emapathy is feeling what they feel, like Theory of Mind is knowing what they are thinking, and we don't do that well.

Great, this already helps me a lot, thanks for the prompt feedback and suggestions, I will check those sites out.

i think i have empathy, but according to my last two girlfriends i live inside my own bubble/head and do not have empathy... but maybe my understanding is mostly intellectual rather then emotional...but dont misunderstand , i have plenty of emotions and i see myself as very sensitive..


ah, i nearly forgot.. welcome!

I don't believe that empathy is feeling what another is feeling. Nobody can do that, not even NTs.

If it was so, eg. a psychologist who should help a person in sorrow, must have the same kind of sorrow in order to be empathetic. It's not so. And it wouldn't be an advantage if it was, rather the contrary.

NTs can't read others' thoughts either. They may figure out what others may think out from knowing which basis they have to know about a given thing, but that's not quite the same as knowing what others are thinking.

One could also ask, which "others" are we talking about? Apparently NTs don't empathize with every single person (hence things like bullying and war exist!), or can figure out what every single person is thinking - and they shouldn't give that impression.
Are these "others" simply "others who are like themselves and who they like / know well"? Then I think it should be said, instead of just "others". It can be misunderstood.

It has been a source of great wonder to me that it's said that NTs have empathy, and anyway don't always use it.

I'm not sure either that a feeling is always necessary in order to act empathetically, so to speak. Better is acting without a lot of warm feelings, than having a lot of warm feelings and don't act when you have the opportunity.

i've always had empathy, but to show empathy didnt happen until i was i almost 20. I'm still workin on that and sympathy, i know i have it but i just dont understand it enough to fully put two and two together. As a child if somebody fell or anything i was like what just happened and would prob kick the person cuz they were in my walking space lolol, but it doesnt mean i dont feel anything when that person falls it just doesnt trigger enough to be an emotion on the outside. I know this because later on i could remasis however u spell that word, and think about that poor person who fell, doesnt mean i'm now sad or i regret that i kicked them, heck that didnt cross my mind at all, but knowin a person fell did hit my heart, which means the empathy is there, but its like the connection from that part of the brain to the other part is just not there. Like today if somebody fell i would have to force myself to go down to their level and ask if their ok, or ill just not even realize its happening, until maybe a week later that thought comes through and was like oh crap shoulda helped them, then the thought is gone like a flash of light, but if i force myself to kneel down it doesnt mean i'm literally feeling that emotion of empathy or mean that i understand the situation, i'm doing it because its right to do. About maybe 40% of the time I can either force myself into feeling empathy. All my emotions just sorta are scattered, what im doing at the moment isnt always what im feeling, may even be a reaction. weird yes i know hahaha.

Empathy and $2.35 will get you coffee and a plain donut at Dunkin' Donuts (tm).

ruveyn

Hi thoughtcrimes - welcome to WP!

From Wikipedia:

As others above have noted, AS is on a spectrum, so not everyone has 100% of the characteristics (and even the ones we have can vary greatly.)

I possess the ability to "understand another's emotion & feelings" - but I don't usually *share* them. Nevertheless, I can be compassionate, sympathetic and express my concern.

I realize that for those of you who've been around on this forum for quite some time must feel that this is a brief, ordinary thread.. even less than average and nothing to bat an eye about at all...but for me such responses really mean something. I'm very gradually, very slowly coming to terms with my (so far) undiagnosed condition (typical family background in deep denial that anything could ever be "wrong" with me) and how it has shaped my life - but I have a feeling this site may have a significant impact on me.

Sorry to get personal here - this may be the wrong thread for that - regardless thanks tons one and all!

I agree that we may feel empathy, yet process it cognitively more than an NT would. I'm a very compassionate person and AS BF is very compassionate also.

I think they should rephrase "lack of empathy" to "lack of ability to take another's perspective," going back to theory of mind deficits.

Some of us don't actually have any empathy so trying to make excuses for why that aspect of autism may be mistaken is in itself mistaken.
It is good that not to many of us are like this as it does cause problems but it is a part of the spectrum for some of us.

I cannot read body language, cannot read tone of voice, have trouble with TOM and so I have no empathy as defined as possessing these decoding qualities.

i think this is the main thing with lack of empathy here, as i too have problems with reading other people, but maybe a bit different from you though in that i dont seem to notice small differences in facial expression and so on..anyways, the main thing being that one is unable to go out of ones own body, or unable perhaps to change your train of thought to suit the current situation.. maybe not TOM, but rather being inflexible...

this is a very hard topic, especially since half of us dont seem to know what it is from lack of experience-....as a man who does not speak Italian cannot discuss the difference between Italian and Spanish... <---- as an example....

i wish someone would make a cartoon video on youtube of what Empathy is so i could put my finger on it.. as right now i feel its very vague and i dont feel sure about it...

There are two different threads with Interpersonal Reactivity Index (which measures empathy) scores here, and I've summarized the data on my website. We run the whole range from none to lots. There's also a paper out there called "Who Cares" which found that AS subjects weren't significantly different from controls on the IRI. (It's in one of the threads)

my website page with summary scores + links to the two threads:
http://www3.telus.net/anemonecerridwen/autismdavis.htm

Hope this helps.