"Came out" to someone as Aspie and...

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I'm dating a girl I told her she does not know much about it. She was like. "Will it get worse?" I was like no it will get better as I learn to adept I will get a lot better. She seems cool with it but iv been wrong before

You should have just turned the radio on, then you wouldn't need to converse (hopefully).

I think the reason for people not believing our diagnoses is because they are used to us so they don't think there is anything weird (in the OP's case, anyway).

I don't usually tell.

I'd like to.

People always notice me.

But if I tell, many people then act as if I'm just a:

self-delusional anxiety- and depression-ridden emotionally disturbed, immature, inexperienced young adult who has the nerve to pretend she has trouble with simple adaptive skills, and that basic self-help skills also aren't easy for her and who is so manipulative that she pretends to be unable to read moods and so crazy as to pretend that she can't talk at times.

Because that's so much easier to believe than that I have AS/PDD-NOS/HFA apparently.

(Though I have it black on white that I'm not emotionally disturbed, no anxiety, no depression, no BPD, no SPD, no OCD, no schizophrenia.)

I prefer to keep that to myself

People who you don't know are also people who you can't trust

One should only tell this to people who you are close to and who you know that you can trust

Also you can tell it to people who must know, like the person you work for

But it happens sometimes that people can tell that you are not like them, then they begin to wonder and perhaps get to the wrong conclusion

If you notice that, or if someone asks you, decide for yourself if it's best to tell them depending on how much you trust them

Just remember to watch out, some off these people might be fooling you around or trying to manipulate you

Don't you worry, all off this has happened to me so I know this

Neurotypicals can at times be hostile, so avoid those who you can't make a connection with and things will probably be just fine

I have come out to a few people. The important ones are my gf and my best and only big friend. I once came out with it as I was discussing a topic with similar characteristics to people I was talking to. Otherwise I more recently found out from friends at the dropzone, skydiving place, that I am the guy who simply you just have to get used to. Like me or hate me I am there to stay, so lately I have gone off and i am myself and screw the world. Most of them accept me and those are my true friends

Hope this makes sense, it does in my head

I tried telling my mother yesterday that I have suspicions of having AS and she got upset with me.
Not really upset but enough that I actually noticed, and I felt really uncomfortable like the way I do around random people.

I feel like I should talk about such thing around some people either, but I also feel like if I try and explain it they'll understand me better but that's not always the case...

Most of the people I told accepted me for who I am. Of course, most of them are christians and not secular people. They are my true friends.

I'm thinking of writing a feature article about ASD and my and other people's experiences and perception of it. From there I can copy it and give the copies to friends, teachers, and other people. Think it's a good idea?

Everybody who's aware or has been told about my past AS assessment has reacted in a negative, fearful, patronising or surprised way.

No exceptions.

I've been told never to tell anybody because "It doesn't matter anymore." and it was "A mistake." I have told some people by accident though or during really stressful situations. I've been told not to "indulge in self stigmatisation" or self labeling because it's not productive.

I've also been told that people don't want to hear about obscure "problems", just "how do you do". The crazy thing is that, in the right environment, I don't suffer from my personality at all: I thrive on it!
Sometimes it's really not a problem at all if I work alone undisturbed.

How am I meant to explain that exactly?

Telling people (at least in my country) is definitely not a good idea.
People are afraid of the word "syndrome" and I am as well.
You can lose really good friends that way, so it's just not worth it.

Why try and explain something that no-one really wants to understand and can't really help anyway?

No one, including myself, has ever fully understood what was going on or what the situation was even when I was getting "help" for AS all those years ago. No one in RL has ever been fully honest, open and positive with me about it.

At least even if I say nothing, I know I'll get treated like a "normal" person and won't get talked down to or denied opportunities; even if deep inside I might not be "normal".

I prefer the unlabeled version of myself because at least that way, people do take me more seriously. I still feel left out socially, but that's so much better than being subtly ridiculed, excluded and bullied for "having" a "so called" "disability".

I'm a capable person, apart from the odd social hiccup/crowds/noise/living issues.
I don't want to give anyone the wrong impression.
I'm not stupid.

Some people have whole-heartedly accepted me for who I am without the label.

They don't believe that there's anything wrong with me.
They're right.

I've never told anyone. I nearly did once, though:

My friend said to me, "Throw me the TV remote," so I threw the remote at him. Unfortunately he didn't mean "throw" but "pass" and so, although he wasn't angry, he thought I was just being a "smart-arse".

I told him that I have a problem knowing when someone isn't being literal and that it was a genuine mistake, but he probably wasn't convinced. I didn't tell him about my AS, because I wasn't sure how to.

Wonders if saying you have "Einstein syndrome" leads people off on a better foot than trying to relate it to Autism - which has immediate "mental illness" overtones attached right off by most people...?

Would they then follow the brainpath that says "eccentric" instead of the one that says "ill"?

I haven't tried it out on someone that don't know me yet - but i think i will if the need arises

I'm one of those lucky aspies who've adapted to a point where it's like I never had social ineptitude so there's no need but I've told some people. I don't think it did much. I put it on this info sheet for science class where it said disabilities or something and the teacher treats me (subtly) differently.

I always knew there was something different about me. After my son was diagnosed, the pieces started fitting together. I talked with the doctor that tested him and he said I fit the profile too.

The first person I talked to was my Mom. She was honestly surprised. She then went through this whole "If I had know...", kind of guilty thing. How could she have known? There was no Asperger's when I was a kid.

The next person I talked to was my husband. He didn't believe me when I told him I thought our son was Asperger's and I had to fight with him to get our son tested. I guess he learned to hear me, because he was cool and said it explained a lot about me. Our relationship has improved greatly since then.

After a lot of thought and internal debate, I told a few people I am close to at work. That had mixed results. Of the five people I told, 4 were really great. They don't treat me any differently and we've grown closer because I feel I can really trust them. The other person completely turned on me. She took it upon herself to inform my supervisor and several other people who I'd rather not have know such personal information about me. Now, many of those people treat either like I don't exsist or like I've suddenly become stupid. That woman has decided there is no way I could possibly have Asperger's and I must be lying. She even said she want's to see an official report from the doctor. She has shown her true character and it is very ugly.

I've learned who I can really count on. Its hard to deal with the negativity, but I just keep reminding myself that its their issues causing the problems not my behavior. I haven't changed. I still do my job as well as I've done it over the last 10 years and if they can't see that, screw 'em.

I get the "There's no way you have that" too. I take it as a compliment, I am high functioning enough that people don't notice. I also acknowledge that 99% of people have no idea what Aspergers or even Autism really are, and think you have to be holding your head sideways and repeating "I'm not wearing underwear" like Rainman does.

Wow... thanks for all of the responses. I've been away from my computer for a few days so didn't get the chance to react until now. Many of you gave some very insightful comments and they are really appreciated.

Criss - I agree. In public, I can pass fairly well unless I get stressed out by the environment (too loud, crowded, etc.) so most people, if they weren't attuned, might not notice anything strange.

I've also gotten quite good at hiding my "aspieness" until I'm in a comfortable environment. My partner, who is now VERY aware of my "condition", is constantly pointing my behavior out to me. I don't even realize it sometimes because we're so comfortable with each other now.

The woman in question that I told has a counseling background and I think she believed that gave her some sort of insight into what AS is. Mind you, her counseling background is in relation domestic violence and such so there's not much she'd come across. I think she was just trying to be complimentary in some way by defending my "normalcy." I'm not sure but I can say that I won't be bringing it up with her again.

I suppose I should have been complimented that she didn't notice anything but then, why should I? Taking a compliment like that would imply that I thought there was something wrong with my behavior and I certainly don't think that. I am who I am and that's that. If people get it, fine. If not, fine.

Thanks again for the responses everyone. Much appreciated.

I've learnt to be selective about who I tell, I just don't like to make a big deal about unless it becomes a issue. I agree with what someone said ealier about some people thinking that denining your diagnosis is a compliment, I've come across that. The way I've worked it out so far, is I think I'll have to tell bosses from now on, but coworkers not unless its a real issue. Friends is where the situation becomes a little more iffy, I'm ok so far in that my current best friend knows because she overheard a conversation, not sure how to judge it in the future.

There have been situations where I've wanted to say something, like an uncomfertable situation working with this woman volunteering where I was working. She went on and on about how she volunteered a couple of days a week to get away from her autistic son. Sure I felt for her in that situation, but the way she described it to us, it was like he had the plague or something, there was just no love, only pure resentment and the way she talked about dropping it all made my stomach turn.

The most juvinile remarks though have to be the old "ass" "burger" or "asparigus" jokes.

i know that when i tell my family they will be in denial and sure they will think i am crazy.

I got a plan for that. Luckily my brother says he wants to study psichiatry, so i'll give him some books on autism/aspergers. I wat to make him come to me and talk about it by himself. Of course i have to look surprised, because if i make the mistake of showing him that i knew it already, everything will be useless. I can already imagine him telling me no you don't have that, etc, etc

I want him to think as a doctor, not as my brother. The only way to do that is by doing what i said.