Autism and Having Kids?

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I'm sure my future kids would prefer to exist and deal with disorder related problems, than not exist at all.

(Yes, I do plan on having kids at some point in the future (I love children), but not anytime soon as I am nowhere near the required level of maturity yet).

Given the right training, an AS person can lead a very happy and fulfilled life AND have a fulfilled and happy social life, believe it or not. I plan to pass the training my NT mum did for me (even though I resented it while she was doing it) onto my kids, so by the time they're adults they can live a relatively normal (obviously while still pursuing their special interests and getting enjoyment out of the things *they're* interested in) life.

My biggest problems now come from my anxiety. I've never been more socially fulfilled in my life.

That is a very good point, in the idea of existence in the form of a creative consciousness, where every thread is a portion of reality forming a final cloth that is the ende of time, that tapestry is already made. We may posess free will, but within that free will our choices are already made, there is a greater dimension than the fourth, and in that dimension, time can be travelled through the way we walk through space. Knowing that, all events that exist in time have already occured, even if they are yet to come. If you will someday have kids, you already have in that time, only beings that exist in this 5th dimension can change things in the fourth, as we can change things in the first three. Prophecy is innaccurate, if something has been prophecized, it can be changed, as it is the effect of the 5th dimension presenting itself to the beings living in the fourth, or it is an act of God, in which case, there is nothing a being in the 4th dimension cn do to change it. Kinda dense stuff right there, but basicly, you may be able to choose, but any choices you will make in life you have already made.



I hear ya there. I do want kids, and it seems to me as if that is my whole purpose in life is to raise a family. Am I mature enough? Possibly, at this stage in my life I would have to take a course to help me, but I would only truly know if I tried. Not good to raise kids when you still are one yourself.



I believe anyone can feel fulfilled, for me it won't come until I raise a family of my own, I enjoy seeing others fulfilled in terms of life's purpose when I have had a chance to help with that, it feels fulfilling to me. The ultimate expression of that for me would be raising a family, and I feel that the only thing stopping me from doing so right now is the fact that I am yet to find a gf, let alone one with that same interest, as well as my education, but that can still happen while starting a family, so I am not too worried about that.



Social fulfillment for me comes from being around other people I can interact with, whether it be family or friends. I just don't understand how to meet the needs for friends without finding a club that shares a common interest with me. I also do not know how to find a girlfriend, and once I do find one, I hope she will be the last, as I don't want to have to go through that process too many times before I become too old to be able to raise a family. I am personally interested in finding an aspie gf, simply because we would share so much right from the beginning.

I'm an Aspie female and have a grown up daughter from my first relationship years ago. She was diagnosed as ADD or ADHD as a teenager, I forget which now.

I really would like to meet someone else, settle down, have another one or two children. But time is kind of running out. I'm aware that some women would just want to meet someone to father their children and they don't particularly care about the aftermath.

But I don't want to do that. I don't want to have children just to satisfy some kind of biological urge and end up a single mother. I want to have children and raise a family with someone else who also wants that too. I'd dearly love to have children with a man who also wants to have children and who wants to be a part of a family, it's raising a family, being a part of a family that's the important bit about it for me, it's not really about an urge to procreate or create a 'mini-me' it's about family.

I'd also love to foster and/or adopt. I'd ideally like to do this anyway, even if I couldn't have any more biological children.

As to the earlier part of your post, I concur.

I also find that social fulfillment comes from being around other people I can interact with, and once I fully learned how to interact with people properly (although it took me a long time to get there) I was able to achieve this social fulfillment for the first time.

I think the whole purpose of meeting friends and socializing is not about finding common interests, but about sharing knowledge and interaction - which is another thing in itself. These days I tend to interact with very different people from me, and a whole range of different types of people, and I try to listen to what they have to say, keep an open mind, and learn things from them and the knowledge they share. Then I contribute something of myself to them, say my interests, and they listen to what I have to say and pick up new knowledge from me. It's a mistake to set out trying to find people or a gf who have the same interests, or can talk about the same things, because in my opinion that negates the whole point of socialization; which is to learn new things, and share with other people the things you know. If you are too similar to all the people you converse with, and only ever discuss the same narrow field in all your conversations, there is less room for growth and knowledge expansion on either side.

Of course, it is nice to have a few friends who are similar to you, for the sake of comfort in familiarity.

What I mean by wanting an aspie gf for similarities, is that we would both know what that aspect is like for us, so there would be better understanding. I would want one who shares a common interest, but has other complimentary interests to mine. As for going to clubs and that that interest me, that allows me to have a way to start conversations easier.

I know what you mean, but I think it's very sad (and unfortunately a typical aspie thing to do) to set criteria any future partner must fulfill. By doing so you are restricting your horizons, and closing your mind to new experiences and new understandings. You never know how right someone is for you until you get to know them. You could have an amazing relationship with an NT girl who is completely different to you, and yet compliments you in many ways.

I think part of the reason I haven't been in a relationship since my first one ended is that I have closed my mind and started setting criteria for future partners to fulfill. Once I had closed my mind, I effectively closed my eyes to all the caring people and potential relationships around me.

I have resolved to never again set criteria for any future partner, and just get out there and meet people with an open mind.

I am pretty open, AS is just a preference, not a requirement, just asdistance, and nation of citizenship are preferences as well.

I'm self diagnosed Aspie or at least strong autistic traits, and my son is severely autistic. I've decided not to have anymore kids both because it would be too difficult with my son's needs, plus there is a strong risk of having another child on the spectrum. I'm not against having an autistic child by any means, but my son already takes up so much of my energy so I'm going to leave it there.

I have two kids. I love them both. It's a pretty different experience to have people in your life who love you intensely and want your company in spite of any social skills you may or may not have.

My first kid was born when I was 20. Through the process of raising her I've gone from being totally unable to relate to people to being able to be fairly well adjusted socially, without loding any of my innate abilities or sensitivities.

It's been the best thing I've done in my life (which is saying something; it's been an eventful life). But it's not for everyone.

I have two sons. My oldest son is almost 13, and when he was younger he was suspected by our pediatrician as having ADHD---though we had our doubts. Medication made him very depressed so we took him off of it. We took him to tutoring at a learning center and it helped. I have since moved him to the school where I teach (I teach out of my home district) and his grades have improved. But he has some social problems. There is some suspicion to believe he has AS---but any mention of evaluating him causes him to get quite upset.

My youngest son will be 8 soon. We are in the process of getting appointments made to have him evaluated for AS. The teacher this year says she has seen red flags for AS in him. I strongly see AS traits in him. With him, we definitely need to seek a diagnosis.

I (their father) have been diagnosed with AS and I believe I have found the genetic link of autism in my family. There have been at least eight I have found so far with some autistic traits. One of my cousins was institutionalized at the Athens Psychiatric Hospital many years ago for what I suspect was autism. At that time, those doctors did not know what they were dealing in with autism.

I have undergone some therapy for issues dealing with parenting, and being a better husband. I have struggled with being able to play games with my sons. My advice to anyone with AS/autism in becoming a parent is to actively engage yourself in your child's activities. As I was not athletic, my sons are not currently involved in any contact sports. I did bowl and golf in school---so perhaps my sons will become interested in those sports. But try to give as much time as you can with your children---it can be most rewarding.

Quoting Faithfilly:

Quoting Dalcassian:


I agree wholeheartedly with both of the above. I have five children, thirteen grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren. They are all beautiful, amazing and nuero-diverse. It makes life so challenging and infinitely interesting.

I made up my mind when I was three or four that I never wanted to get married or have kids. I'm now 22 and I still have never changed my mind. I developed a crush on a zoologist but the more and more I thought about it I knew I could never handle marriage with anyone let alone someone from another country and tottaly diffrent culture. I expirence culture shock as soon as I step outside. I never wanted to play with dolls as a kid. Not only did I not know how, I just never had the intrest. I am tottaly clueless when my brothers and their friends bring their kids over and lock myself in my bedroom or art studio until they go home. Human children are just too loud, sneaky, hyper and unpredictable. I need calm and quiet.

I actually played with dolls with other people as a kid, it was role playing, did it at around age 5, and it was my sisters dolls, although I was much more into military stuff. I loved playing games like Command & Conquer, and always wanted to play table top versions of that game before I knew such a thing existed. I will have a hard time with kids, I know that, but I will have a harder time without them.

i have a girl.she seems ok just now.but shes 22 weeks now.when we decided to have baby we didnt know im an aspie.if i knew it i wouldnt have a baby.high potencial to passing asd to baby makes me worry.

Would you prefer that your child never have been born though? I know I cannot bare the though of dying without having children first. I'm also alright with the idea that my children are likely to have an ASD, it is something I can work around just as my neighbours did with there oldest son, and my parents did with me and my brother, and my grandparents friends did with their middle child. Yes it is work, but it is rewarding regardless of how far the child developes.

This is something I've thought a lot about since my diagnosis at age 14. On the one hand, I would love more than anything to have children, I love the idea of being a mother and would love to raise children, since I adore kids and enjoy playing with them. On the other hand, I am worried about how my AS may affect my parenting. I tend to have violent, frustrated moments where I am very moody and may say things that hurt people. I worry that this would affect my children if I ever lost my temper enough to verbally abuse them in that manner. I also worried for some time about my ability to bond with an infant, since I don't make friends easily; It's hard enough to make friends with someone who can carry on conversations, I wondered how I could do it with a crying, somewhat smelly baby?
But I have learned to get over these anxieties. If I raise children, I will do my best. There's no such thing as a perfect parent, and I will love my children and do my best to give them a good life, which is what matters most.