love for siblings

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My 6 year old son often gets very jealous of attention paid to his younger brother. Today, after a bout of door slamming, when I asked him if he loved his brother, he said (very calmly) "no".

I have to admit the answer really upset me, and I showed it. I felt outraged he would admit he didn't like his brother, as if he felt that was ok. I'm not proud of my reaction, but my question is really about him. Does he mean it? Is he confused by the jealousy he feels? Should I tell him he's wrong? Can anyone explain what's going on?

My sister often says she hates me.
he may be a little confused about the attention he gets and everything. Try talking to him.

Love is a very difficult concept. I rarely know what I'm feeling even now, and as a child it was much worse. As in I had trouble recognising when I was happy, sad even something as basic as hungry.

The only thing you'll acheive by forcing him to tell you he loves his brother is to get him to say it, not mean it. Plus after a bout of door slamming likely isn't the best time, he was being truthful with you, after feeling jelous your unlikely to hold great affection for the source of it in that moment.

On top of that, younger siblings are always difficult, their allowed a much larger rein in behaviour than older siblings due to responsibility and that espically for a AS child who's rules of the world will be very black and white is extremely frustrating and difficult to grasp.

I think you're expecting too much of him. In nicer times, of which there might be few at that age he may feel affection towards his brother, but its unlikely he'll recognise it as such. The words 'like' and 'love' are very abstract.

My mother used a tactic when I was young to get me to voice feelings about things. She would define very intricately the meaning of the words 'like' and 'love' so I had a choice of each. However I was at a older age than your son before I understood the definitions enough to understand how to answer, and a much older age before I recognised what I was feeling enough to categorise them.

I'd suggest for now to set a good example by voicing your feelings towards both sons. My mother used to tell me when I was misbehaving that she loved me, but she didn't have to like me. That use of words - seperating the definitions of the categories was what made me question the meaning of the words first - and was when she realised that I didn't know what the words meant.

Also perhaps during family time when their playing games together, point out aspects of each of their personalities you like, this helped me identify what I liked about my sisters. All in all its going to be a difficult question to ask a aspie, espically a very young one. There tends to be a aspect of being very percific, so for example, in that time and situation he may have not have felt affection to his brother, but in other times and situations he might do so.

Theres also the likely possibility that his current definition of 'love' is closer to 'like'. 'Like' being the more on the surface how you feel in the moment about a person, while 'love' being deeper long term average basis of feelings for a person. He needs to know the difference before he can answer you properly and I'm not sure he's old enough to be able to grasp the concepts yet.

There were many times when I did not like my AS brother and many times that if you asked me if I loved him, I'd say no. But, I do love him, very much.

I hated him when he stomped on our record player and broke all our records. I hated him when he drew all over the walls and stabbed a big slash in his bedroom door and when he broke the windows in his room. He was really pretty scary.

But, I do love him.

In my personal belief, love for one's siblings is not a natural thing that is default and comes automatically with having siblings. It's an education by the parents. I believe it depends almost entirely on the parents' attitude whether siblings will love each other or not. That attitude is certainly not inculcation. The obligation to love each other can only make them hate each other or develop indifference. Our parents were masters at teaching my siblings to hate me. They did a perfect job: playing favorites, teaching by example that I was evil, unworthy of respect, and needed physical beatings (both my siblings threatened to beat me up if I didn't comply with their whims later in our forties), promoting competition among the siblings for the (limited) parents' attention and approval and love, showing indifference to one of their own siblings and thus teaching by example that ostracizing a sibling is OK, accepting it without opposition when they saw one of their own siblings ostracize another of their siblings.

Telling him he's wrong will only backfire. Rather, examine what example you're giving your children - how do you relate to your own siblings or lack thereof, how do both parents' siblings relate to their siblings, how much you foster (RATHER THAN IMPOSE) cooperation among your kids and reward cooperation rather than competition between them. Our parents used their kids as informants to tell on each other. This KGB kind of education could not breed anything but tragedy, of course, and if you know my posts you must've read my frequent sharings about the horrific situations with my siblings.

Sure, we got lots of lectures about loving our siblings while growing up. But that's lip service if not backed with GENUINE education to love each other. Sibling love ÍS NOT INBORN.

Ehh, both my sisters, (one NT, one BP) and I (BP/AS) fought our whole lives through, then as they left for college, things changed.

Now, I don't know of any mixed-gender siblings that are tighter than we are. I didn't always like them, I didn't always feel love for them, but as I learn more about myself and them, I love them more and more.

Of course, finding out one had a very abusive boyfriend and the other was in a toxic relatioship did wonders for the latent crazy-overprotective-brother gene.

I have said I hate my sister when I'm very angry at her. I don't mean it. I once told my mother I hated her. I was 13, depressed, and had a meltdown. I didn't really hate her.

Your son only hates your youngest son because he is getting more attention. Kids that age are very self focused. If parents divorce the child would think it's his/her fault. If someone is angry around that child they will think they are angry at them.
Maybe ask your son when both boys are having fun playing together if he loves him.

I don't love my brother. I often hate him. I don't love him OR like him. I sometimes wish he'd never been born. He's just my parents' other child.

First of all, asking a six year old if he loves his brother (or anyone else for that matter) is not a good idea, IMO. Because he said "no" is nothing to worry about, it is not some kind of proof that he is defective. Perhaps at the moment he did not feel love for his brother and he answered honestly. If he is made to feel ashamed by giving you an honest answer, that you asked for, in the future he may be tempted to lie about his feelings altogether and get into the habit of providing people with what they want to hear instead of what is true and eventually he may become totally confused about how he really feels about anything or anyone. He's only six years old. What do six year olds know about love? What does anyone really know about love, love is a very weird concept and means different things to different people. Why should anyone be asked or expected to profess love that they possibly do not feel? Maybe his answer of "no" was the truth at that moment. It doesn't necessarily mean it is the whole truth for every given moment thereafter. I think a better word to use, instead of love, would be "like" or "admire" as these words don't carry such a guilt burden. All siblings don't or shouldn't be expected to "like" or "admire" each other all of the time. So if you ask "Do you like your brother?" can be followed up with a non threatening "Why not?" or "What is it that you don't like about him?" which may lead to some interesting and useful information in making the relationship between them a happier and healthier one. I think it's important to let kids know that it's alright not to like someone as long as we don't treat them badly or physically hurt them. After all, not everyone is likable. And, unless we are saints, not everyone is lovable either.

I have a strong dislike for my siblings because of the way they have always treated me. I have one brother who would physically abuse me and the day he left home for college was one of the happiest days of my childhood. When I heard he was leaving, I couldn't wait for him go because once he was gone, he couldn't hurt me anymore.

My sister always tormented me as well, her thing was always trying to push me around and rubbing my face in the fact I could never beat her at a game. She was always a "my way or the highway" kind of person, and would never compromise or be flexible in anything. She always said everything I did or said was wrong or stupid, and her way was the only way. There were many times I would try to talk she would tell me to shut up because she didn't want me talking. In addition, the few times in my life I was able to make friends, she was able to steal them from me.

Other siblings weren't bad, but they treated me like I was a big joke, laughed at me when I asserted myself or stood up to them, ignored me, ridiculed me, often saying things like I could never do anything just because I was me, or that everything I did, thought and said was wrong just because I said it, even going as far to say I was born wrong.

What was worse was all of this was done with the full support of our parents, who would actually condemn me when there was a problem, and never take action against them for the abuse. They even made rules that for a long period of time, pretty much gave my sister ownership of my life, that she could in effect control many of my activities. They would punish me for standing up to her and demanding equal treatment, while not punishing her for mistreating me, since they believed that punishing girls was wrong.

They still treat me that way today, like the time I was invited to some sort of reunion they wanted to have and was questioned and had guilt dumped on me because I couldn't make it. The legacy of that poor treatment of me is still alive now.

Why should I have love for these people?

To be honest I don't see why you should have to love/like your siblings. They're only your siblings by chance and are generally only living with you because they have to. Just because two people are siblings it doesn't mean that they must unconditionally like each other.

I have two brothers. I can honestly (but shamefully) admit that I haven't felt a single bit of love or like towards my twin brother for years and years. Not at any point. I've despised him relentlessly for so long now that I can't even remember what it was like before he turned into the spiteful, cruel person he is now. I know it's not only his fault that we hate each other but he enjoys hurting me so much yet I've never done a thing to hurt him, not in the way he does to me, anyway.

My younger brother, on the other hand, I definitely love and I've never hated him, I've disliked him, sure, but that's just human. There is a connection between us that I've never had with my twin brother. If he wasn't my brother I'd still want to be friends with him.

I feel terrible for hating my twin so much but I don't think I should have to try to like him purely because he's a blood relation. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him for how he's continuously treated me over the past few years and I believe I shouldn't have to. If he wasn't my brother I would have nothing to do with him at all.

He's only six. Perhaps it'll change over time. Perhaps he won't.

However, he is older. Be careful about the way he treats his younger brother. Even though he says he does not like him, tell him that he should at least respect him. If his younger brother was treated meanly by your older son, the consequences may be emotional.

(For example, my older brothers, since my mother was a rare sight, had, depending on which brother was around, either A] hit me or B] took away stuff I liked to do until I did so-and-so. I did not realize it at the time it happened, but now it's too late to talk to them.)

I have never felt the stereotypical family bonds of affection. I have never loved my mother or my father but I get along decently well with my sister as a friend. I didn't cry when my father died and I will not when my mother dies. My sister I'm not entirely sure about.. I may miss her a bit. Sorry if this sounds harsh, I don't hate any of them or anything like that. They're just regular people like anyone else.

I guess it makes me sound like a 'terrible person' by normal standards but it's just not something I ever had and I'm not sure if there is anything I could have even done about it?

one of 8 children - all adults now. also have one half-brother and two step-brothers i never see.
i hardly see any family.
talk on the phone to a few siblings.

However, we do have the FANG CLUB.
The FANG CLUB - when it gets together holds crustacean striking tournaments between various siblings. We strike at each other wtih hands formed into nipping crab claws.
strikes around the body only. NO HEAD STRIKES. (we don't want injuries.)
My brother is the FIeve STar GEneral FANg and I am the Four STar GEneral Fang.
We are all in our forties and fifties and these tournaments are an important part of sibling social life (when that ever happens.)

We are an eccentric family. it is good.

All my siblings - the eight - have only been together once in tweny five years.

i really only hung with my siblings when a child. In fact, that was largely the case until about age 26. very "knitted togehter" family. dispersed now.

Children, and some adults don't normally understand what love is. He may be mistaking "love" as I like what he is doing for me right now. It makes me feel good. Well, if he's slamming doors he's not feeling really happy and therefore isn't feeling "lovey".

How do you show him you love him? When one is shown "love" by being huggy and kissy or snuggly then one might not feel huggy, kissy or snuggly, therefore he doesn't feel the "lovey" feeling he associates with it.

Don't punish him for what was an honest answer as far as he understands.

Explain to him that, though he might not like his brother right now, that the two of them will most likely be there for each other for a long time. You can love your family even if you don't like them right then.