The Autisnob

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When I was younger, I used to move in a way where my limbs where as if disjointed from my body. My footprints were identifiable because my feet where at a 90-degree angle when I walked. People told me that they could tell it was me from a long distance away just by the way I walked.
I also walked on the heels of my feet.

By my mid-20's I became less awkward.

By 30, I was graceful.

I walk on the balls and toes of my feet, now, with the outside of my feet rolling to the inside ... with my heels sometimes not even touching the floor or ground (unless I'm wearing boots). So I now walk toe-to-heel (the first part of your foot to touch the ground is your toe, and your toe is the last part to leave), instead of heel-to-toe. I heard once that only some Native Americans walked toe-to-heel naturally, and that superior balance was why they did a lot of iron-work on skyscrapers. My weight is slightly forward in the direction of my movement, and my arms swing naturally, and my legs swing naturally. I walk this way now, and have for around 15 years - but I don't know time very well. That is my natural walk, now.


I was providing myself as proof.
I've come a long way.
If I can over-come the problems I had, I think others perhaps can, too. They're the same problems. I worked very hard on them.
Not all of the problems require a lot of work, and not everything is a problem.
Walking differently is not a problem.
Becoming graceful has nothing to do with problems; graceful is its own reward.
I would imagine that most Autistic's hands are graceful. I, like most Autistics, have always been fascinated with my hands. My hands speak in the symbols of themselves, The speaking is very deft and graceful, and always was - even if the rest of me wasn't.
Many of the things I did were because I wanted to be more normal - especially things like walking.
I felt extremely self-conscious, and this was much of the reason for my awkwardness.
Over-coming the awkwardness helped me become less self-conscious, and being less self-conscious helped me be less awkward.
I wasn't awkward as a child (I don't think), but I was in my teens ... and I didn't know it until it was pointed out to me in various ways.

I don't expect you to do battle.
I don't expect many Autistics to do battle.
I can do battle, and I put myself as evidence of what an Autistic can be capable of, since I am Autistic, and I am capable of these things.
Just like everything else, battle comes completely from your mind. I will something to happen ... and it is aleready done.
Martial arts is not about the physical body; it is all in the mind.
When you can not think, your body becomes perfect.
The homo-sapiens body is most agile and capable; it is controlled by the most brain-power.

You may be capable of things I am not. All the better

I do know of another AS who studies martial arts. I haven;t met her, but I now her capabilities, and I would think that she is capable of an easy grace and effective movement.

I do move differently than humans; it is why I am physically very fast, very accurate, and can produce a lot of power in a very short motion - and it is my mind which controls my body, which is why I can be so agile to run full-speed over treacherous river-rocks. My body only does what my mind enables it to do. The body actually works all by itself; when I do battle or run over river-rocks, I stop my mind from thinking normal thoughts. If I thought like I normally do, I would break my feet and shins running up a river.

I know that I was awkward because of thinking. Self-consciousness is brutal suffering in itself. Letting go of that is difficult; when I did, I was simply most graceful and agile .. without thinking. If I'm self-conscious now, I will become more rigid and stiff-like, and unable to walk like I normally do, and I'll be and feel awkward. It is a very uncomfortable feeling, and 'm very ahppy that I rarely feel that way anymore..

Other things besides Autism can cause physical disassociation. I know that traumatic events in a child's life can sever an emotional connection to areas of their bodies, which disassociation may continue for the rest of their life. A woman I saw for 10 years was disassociated from the waist down .. because of traumatic things done to her as a child. It took 10 years to 80% re-associate her lower body. when I met her, she was very clumsy, and her shins were always bruised from knocking into things when she walked.


That's ok; I stopped playing chess about 10 years ago. I don't enjoy thinking like that anymore.
There's no reason to play chess except to prove something.
I don't feel the need to prove too much.
I will prove what I am; once, and only once.

Other than that, I will never play chess again. If I do, I will not think; I'll just throw my pieces mindlessly around the board like I did before I stopped playing.


I should have had my license revoked at 16. I drove recklessly through my 20's.
It wasn;t until I was i my 30's that I realized I hated driving.
I can't handle the stress or the sensory overload.
I have crashed and totaled more cars than I can remember. I just drove to the limit ... and beyond it.
Exactly because I hated driving, staying in line ... and ...
joggers jog to run away from their problems.
I drove to drive away from my problems.
Driving is a lot faster than jogging.
I never felt like I could get away from my problems, so I kept driving faster, but it never worked.
Then I bought a motorcycle around 23yo.
If you drive fast-enough on a motorcycle, if you don't stop for anything, if you drive on the dotted yellow lilne between the lanes of cars in traffic as fast as you can... then you can out-run your problems. They're too afraid to follow you that fast and crazy.
I don't drive much, now.
Driving is exhausting.
I have double-tinted windows in my SUV, including the front windows, so nobody can see me. I like that much better, and feel more separated from everything and all the comotion and harsh feeling going on 'out there'.

I also suffered terible anxiety until last year, when I discovered I had AS. I used to take medicinals for it. I didn't know that I had severe anxiety in my 20's, because that was how I always felt, and so I never knew it.

I was in no shape to be driving. I was very dangerous, and caused a lot of accidents. I could never drive behind anyone, I had to pass everyone. I went mental if there was a car ahead of me and one behind me. I did rash things.

You're lucky you know these things about yourself. I didn't have a clue about what was going on.

I only drive if I want to now. If I want to drive, it means it's safe for me to drive, and that's how I know I can drive. If I don't want to drive, it means that there's a reason I don't - and that reason is that I don't want to deal with all the things I have to deal with, and so it's not a god idea for me to try, because I will still speed and I can't get caught in trafic or I will likely explode and do rash things to get out of traffic. It means I can't have a job, I can't make appointments, I can't make social plans, and I can't count on being able to drive at any time.


It has to do with the fact that I'm Autistic, and everything I look at seems poorly designed to me. I'm gifted as someone who can design pretty much anything. It may have nothing at all to do with Autism, but it does have to do with me, and I'm Autistic, and I can do such. I used myself as an example.
You can use yourself as an example if you want. I know what I can do, and I don't have any reason to doubt what others state they can do.

"Better" is better. Self-explanitory.

Design a cellphone, and make it better. Easy.
Better is ... exactly 'better'.
Better is a prime concept.
Do you know what 'best' means?
How about 'good'?
Do you understnad this sentence:
"I like this; it's good."
Do you understand this sentence:
"I like this more; it's even better."

I make things better.
Not just good.
Better.
Best, actually.

If you want to argue with the word "better", I won't argue with you about it. If you don't want to understand the word "better", I'm not going to attempt to convince you about what it means.


I don't; I'm always doing that - whether I say anything or not. Humans are simply always wrong. It's how you can tell a human right-away; they talk like they know what they're talking about, but they're always wrong.

Your manipulative, cunning, and charming spirit ... IF YOU NEED TO ... is exactly due to your having Autism. You can adopt your personality to whatever you want it to be; humans cannot. Human personalities are very rigid.

If we met I would probably like you ... unless there's some reason I shouldn't.


I know it's me, and I stated that it was me. I wrote that I would submit myself as an example .. of what ... of what Autism is.
I am Autistic, so I respresent what Autism is.
You are Autistic and you do, too.

I can't do all the things other Autistics can. I don't have mathematical intuition. I can't fix electronic devices by looking and seeing 'patterns' and then placing something back into the 'pattern' ... and then it works.

Those are incredible things. Awesome. Scientifically Impossible. Tremendous. Waaahooo! Unbelievable. Mind-blowing.

I don't know what you a or can't do.

I ran up a river, sprinting full-speed when I was 27yo. I didn't know I could do that before then. I didn't know that I could simply let go of thinking and be able to do something no being on this planet could ever do - exactly because I stopped thinking.
I had no idea about that ... until it somehow just happened.

Who knows what you may discover about yourself?

I laugh with real joy at such things; they are amazing and wonderful. Joyous. I don't know anything more joyous than running up a river and the rocks are telling me all about themselves and how they will tip which way so I know how to land on each one. Running faster and faster until I can't even see the individual rocks. Impossible ... but I am flying, effortless.


Oh, Sora, I'm not criticizing you at all.


I can see no equality.
The only equality I see is that all sentient creatures suffer equally. I see that all suffering is equal. I see that humans cause far too much suffering.

If you like the feeling of equality; I understand. "Equality' doesn't make anyone feel bad.
But, in the end, it does.
You 'll have to look deeper and see how that happens.
When you are judged based on what a stupid human primate is, you will not like that 'equality'. When you are not believed because humans lie - but you don't - you may not enjoy that prison of 'equality' you are placed in. When you are charged with what only humans do - some hurtful thing - and found guilty of it because you are a human, too ... well, then you may change your mind about how 'equality' is a good idea and how "that's better to your mind".

But I have no problems with humans feeling bad about what they are.

when I was 20, I can't say what I would have thought if I knew I was Autistic. that's just speculation. I can speculate, but it's still speculation.

But I have always disdained what I now recognize as 'human'.

And I detest being seen as human, judged as human, and treated as human. I cannot stand it. I will have no more 'equality' ... for there is none; it is just something people make so it can feel better to their minds, that's all it is.

I want nothing to do with it. I don't need equality to make my mind feel better. 'Equality' has ause me too much loss and sufering and pain. No human is equal to me. I know that. I don't need a morality to comfort me. I'll take the sharpest, most naked truth; that is much more comfortable and home to me than morality, falsehoods, and lies.


Ratonality make dictate anythingyou want it to dictate to you.
Try opening your eyes, instead.
All human is equal; fine with me if you prefer to believe that.
I'm not human; I'm Autistic; so your preferential, comfortable beliefs have no effect on me.


Be a slave to the brainwashing you've accepted; it's your life.
If you are afraid to flower beautiful, then stay a bud until you wilt.
It's your life ... and you don't get anything ... zip ... for giving humans equality. They will give you nothing in return ... except inequality.

If that makes you better than them, then that's a pathetic and cowardly way to be superior.


I am absolutely superior to every human primate on this planet, without question. Maybe you aren't.
I don't know.
If you want to mke up terms like "my" and "your" Autism, go ahead.
that won't change the fact that I am vastly superior to every human primate I have ever met, seen, or read the works of.


If you want to believe that, I'm not going to waste my time tyring to convince you of something you are set on not understanding, acknowledging, or prefer not to believe.


Hahaha!! !!
You have to ask human primates for equality ... and you then say they're equal to you.
You GIVE humans equality ... but they won't give it to you. You have to fight for equlaity with them. You have to demand it.
You demand to be treated equal. I treat your equal.; humans never will. That's not what humans are.
You demand to be treated fair. I treat you fairly; humans never will. that's not what humans are.
You have to demand respect from humans; I offer it to you and you don't accept.
You have to demand rights from humans; I assume it and then you say you don't want it.

You will never get equality from humans. You will never be one of them. humans are not like you, that's why you have to fight them in the first place.
Take a look at that.

I don't fight them so I can belong with them; that can't ever work. the more you fight, the more you don't belong. Why would I ever want to do something like that?
I don't want human rights. I want Autistic rights.
Autistic right are over-and-above human rights.
I have the right not to be accosted by flourescent lights.
Humans obviously don't have that right - or even know about it, the insensitive apes.

I don't cause a problem with diversity. I celebrate your Autism, and encourage you to flower. Show who you are. Are you afraid you won't be liked ... just as you don't like me?

Are you afraid people will think bad such-and-such about you?
What people?
Which people?
It won't be me.

Whoever will hold you down is your enemy. If you hold yourself down ... you are your own enemy.

Why don't you show who and what you are?

Why don't you simply be all that you really are.

What are you afraid of? Who is it that won't approve of that? You?
I don't think so.
Someone else is in your head, keeping you down, keeping you in your place, and you're too afraid to break free.

That's all I see.

Anyone who tells me they could ... but don't ... well, I'm familiar with that. The only questions I have are:
- Why don't you, if you can?
- If you are equal to everyone, you are saying that everyone is equal to you. Why does this feel better to your mind?

Use that 'all that' you have but don't use, and analyze the truthful answers to those two questions.

You must have met the wrong people then.

I got much equality from humans. More inequality by utter lack of intuitive understanding, but equality is freely given by some.

You only just graced me with respect by wanting me to understand you. I don't think I need to understand to respect.

About rationality;

Rationality is, as defined by philosophical means, above humanity. It is not set by anyone, but is the truth.

The term was just given other additional cultural meanings



If I did, I'd murder every person but me. I'd enjoy being the only person on this planet.

Equality doesn't make me happy. Equality just makes sense.

People demand the same that I have demanded in the past. To live as in more than just to survive, to be preserved as unharmed and untouched. Now I demand this and I hear them demanding the same. I was amazed the first time I heard.

So, whatever people are - for I cannot see into their heads and read their minds - they exhibit some of the same needs as I do. That was an amazing realisation back when I had it, as I missed that for a good ten years.

Logical consequence of a mind that does not take pleasure nor disdain in seeing others crushed: if I want it and think by this want that I deserve it - then if they want it too, we must all deserve it.

Equality - whether for the good or bad, whether I like it or not, that's besides the point. The point is, I cannot be judge to decide who deserves. How ever judge another when I cannot judge myself less I go blind to what I perceive before it?

I'm good, a human god in spiritual understanding, the master of creation, but I am not the end of all truth. I'm still biased by being human at every possible level. I'm always wrong.

That's pretty fun, I don't mind being wrong. I see no deficit in being fallible. The entertainment it brings outweighs the confusion and anger about it.

We're all good by being fallible, egocentric, painful, blind beings.

I approve of myself very much - whether I'll be condemned by humanity by my mind and actions or not. I have the bonus that presents itself as going through every torture and come out with my mind unscathed.

That lets me see this whole thing very unemotional.

I tried, tried and tried. My heart isn't in it which probably is the reason why I failed. From getting a partner to finding the one I can perfectly identify with. I dictated myself to be a mimic in needs and wants - and as in the mimic of behaviour, I failed.

Boy, that took time to see reason and return again to the starting point. But the try was just good. Or I'm just utterly incapable of regret and estimating worth of what I do. That one I haven't quite figured out yet.

I have no problems saying I must be the truth, but empiric perceiving couples with rationality make me realise the failure of this assumption. I don't want to follow lies ever because I'm incapable of lying to myself.

Anyway. From what you wrote, I take it that we certainly were impressed by the world from different angles. (I mean the 'oh, very different angles!' different.)

To me people are deficient and somehow, thinking about it with Sartre in mind - existence is certainly a thing most ugly! - but it's all very very entertaining and fascinating to my mind. That looks ugly in the first place, quite senseless even, but it's all as it is. It just it. The sole state of being. That the only worth I see.

Needs, demands and wants are subjective and shifting that I find to be beyond the idea of worth, right and wrong.

If you see a person in my mind, that's fine. People see all kinds of things in me all the time.

Now, I do need to get my eyes checked (it's my genetic inferiority), but I could swear I read someone here talking about "superior races" and how the Germans are supposedly an example of this (!). Most people from where I'm from might call that being a real schmuck. Just FYI.

Oh, and the historical information in that particular post is pretty off.

-Germany didn't come that close to "taking over the world." They would have had to beat the U.S, Soviet Union, and Imperial Japan at the very least. Not to mention, you know, the rest of the world. Talk about Eurocentric analysis here.
-Arguably, Britain and France both came much closer to "taking over the world," through the joys of imperialism/colonialism.
-Technological transference has always occurred. The Germans sure didn't invent the gunpowder they so loved to use. They also were thoughtful enough to kill many of the Jewish scientists and intellectuals who contributed to their body of knowledge.
-Besides, "interracial mixing" has always occurred. Racial purity is a myth, and race is largely a social construction. If you think people living in modern-day Germany during medieval times considered themselves a "race" you are mistaken. Germany was actually late in the game in terms of forming a nation-state, for a northern European power.

Right, that issue.

I can say we Germans are just as genetically diseased as the US and other countries, but just tend to let these things go unnoticed more. We are not yet at the point the US and other English states are today in terms of diagnosing medical conditions.

Whereas a person with an ASD would maybe also have a diagnosis of ADHD, one of hyperlexia, one of bipolar I, social anxiety, SID, pain disorders, digestive issues, leaky-gut syndrome... and so on,

we Germans stick to 'infantile autism' and 'Asperger's Syndrome' and state that all of the above is 'just autism'.

Not to say we Germans aren’t cool. Because we are quite cool.

i just wanted to chime in here with an example--i was diagnosed with adolescent onset bipolar disorder at 16. bipolar disorder very directly effects my abilities, and adds severe challenges to my life, and even sometimes threatens my life....and yet i still wouldn't exchange it for anything, or accept a "cure" if one were found. i just couldn't imagine who i would be without it. i feel that i wouldn't be me anymore--and not because my disorder is the source of my identity, either, but simply because i can't imagine what the inside of my mind would look like without it. it shapes the way i view the world because of the nature of the disorder (and i think the same can be said of ASDs)...and in some ways it adds as much as it takes. sometimes i suffer, but other times i feel euphoria too, so i can't complain too much

i feel the same way about my aspergers--it is an integral part of who i am, an important piece, but only a piece of the whole picture of who i am....and who knows what would happen if you start removing pieces like that? as challenging as living with bipolar disorder or an ASD may be, i would rather learn to accept who i am than change myself into something else.

One should not be surprised.

We live our lives being oppressed for being "different." Frankly, I survived the hell that was my childhood by believing I was special and had something special to offer the world.

That lends itself to being a bit self-centered about one's own self-worth.

Now that I'm balancing out, I'm better about my attitude towards others.

With every member of society being unique comes the consequence that people have different ways and level of functioning in different areas.

It's relative: Unless every person is exactly the same, unless people lacks any talent or strength, then some people will be worse than others in certain areas. Those on the bottom are considered disabled, and there will always be somebody on the bottom, unless everybody are exactly the same.

That's why my opinion is that society needs to be adjusted to work for everyone rather than for just the averege person. Unfortunately society is today mostly tailored for the averege person.(usually with the excuse "normal person", which is a delusive concept because that person does not exist)

Imagine we just boosted our social skill up to the top, would "social skill deficits" dissappear? No, but somebody else would take the place on the bottom and be worse than everyone else at job-interviews and so on.

In a way, I am blaming society here.
So am I a raving supremacist who hates "NTs" now? sigh.....

I believe I am more logical than most NTs. I never make emotional decisions. I don't really think it is a good thing thing though.

perhaps the snobbery comes from being picked on and seen as different by NT's our whole lives. Maybe this site is the only outlet for how we feel as a defense mechanism against the torment we have had to or still do endure.

Zombie thread, resurrected after almost a year of inactivity. Do not expect responses from earlier contributors as they may no longer be active here.


M.

yeah someone had linked it in another newer thread, i didn't realise until after i posted how old it was

One thing I don't like is snobbery. Aspies are no more superior or inferior to any other mind set and we are all pretty much the same in terms of superiority. I don't like all this "gggr NTs are horrible" business because I know many many many lovely people who are all NTs, and aspies are just as capable of being a***holes too it's not just NTs, I have been a bit of b***h a few times my self I regret to admit.
So can't we all just get along without all this "us vs them" crap.

Now someone will probably think I answer because it offends me. It doesn't

* Believes aspies are smarter

Some people are smart, most only in specific areas.
Autistic as well as NT.

* Believes aspies should be recipients of welfare for their "disability" (yet means of superiority) instead of having to engage in work as the hoi-poloi do

I don't understand this... The sentence...

* Believes autists possess a different set of social skills that enable them to communicate among each other but not among NTs

They don't... But because most autistics know how difficult it can be, they are more accepting and patient. (Can be)

* Believes aspies are more creative

Why should aspies be more creative?
What is creativity? (Philosophy)
But I do however think that some autistics are more creative than NTs. Yet, there are also NTs being more creative than many aspies.
I think it's the same.

* Believes aspies are more logical

Well... I would say no... Not me at least
But who knows, some can be. But so can some NTs.

* Blames NTs for all problems

Yeah! Go blame the NTs...
It's their fault we became autistic in first place!
(Very ironic)

i never managed to keep a job. i had two. over the past 10 years i SHOULD be working, ive worked for all in all two months, unsuccessfully.

i never knew WHY i couldnt, and everyone else could. and 8 of those 10 years i didnt know aspergers even existed.

am i a snob too?

I admit I can get a little anti-NT at times.

But that's for a reason. NTs in general are not the enemy, but so many of them are extremely narrow minded and intolerant of difference. They often make untold number of unwritten social rules for no good reason. They label you antisocial because you don't want to get drunk and shout and lose control of yourself.

Same here. The one ASD trait I don't have is gross motor function problems. Though I did do lots of dance as a youngster, so that helped.

I'm an erratic fighter though. Sometimes I go all hyperfocused when sparring and annihilate everyone. Sometimes I'm just crap.

who bumped this thread? not this again.....