Whether & How to "Out" Myself

Post Reply New Topic

This is a difficult question. I don't know about the rest of you, but as soon as verbal dialogue begins my mind is a blank slate and words magically fly out of my mouth without even registering in my mind first so I tend to randomly disclose my AS or a few symptoms without any thought put into it.

Sometimes I get a look, other times people ask me about it and other times they just move on. Either way, only after the talking is over and I replay the dialogue do I experience the social awkwardness my disclosure can cause.

I guess my answer is: You never really know.

Perhaps part of the answer to getting people to understand your point of view is to help them first.

After helping them and gaining their trust, then mention causally and drop hints about your social difficulties.

I’ve noticed that people are cordial towards me if I help them practically with their lives first: especially if they ask me for help first. After I do something for them, they seem much more willing to try and see things from my perspective. Also, once a rapport is established, they’re also more likely to want to help me in return. It's a sort of social bartering thing.

It could be as simple as opening a door, picking up an object or directing someone to a room if they’re lost.

More complex tasks could be helping people to learn a computer package; plot data; to fix something; shopping for groceries or showing how a machine works.

I’ve found the more practical and to do with physical objects the task is, the better.

Or at least pointing someone in the direction of relevant help if I can’t help myself.

I try to steer well clear of complex social and emotional issues: it’s too overwhelming.
It’s never a good idea to get too wrapped up in other people’s problems either.


By helping others and showing what I can do in a productive way, it sends out the message that I’m not incapable.


I believe that this method works for open minded and decent people only.

Ironically, if you try and help and be nice and polite to people, some of them may not believe you have social issues at all or try and reciprocate by telling you that you have no social issues! Ie. “You’re a nice person.”

This thread:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt99488.html

Mentions some books covering the subject of self disclosure.


I suppose the more specific to the situation and provable the difficulties are, the easier it will be for others to help and for them to believe you.

I don't believe that saying something as vague as a label (which many people are ignorant or frightened of anyway), would be helpful.

It depends on how severe and obvious the issues are I guess.

Thanks, Vipera and Amber, for your suggestions and support.
Good reminder about helping first and I'll check that link for sure.
And I love the cat in the 'helmet'... makes me smile.

Ironically, tactful self disclosure about social issues seems to require a lot of social skills!


And a lot of effort trying to understand the other person's perspective on the situation.

Ain't it the truth?!
You couldn't make this stuff up. It could only happen in "real life".

These are good suggestions, thanks especially AmberEyes, about helping people with something. I've found also that just being a good listener for a while with people, asking them questions about themselves, can help people to feel more open and receptive to hearing my situation. As for what kinds of questions, I just start by asking them things like "How long have you been here? What did you do before you came here? What do you like the most about this town?" etc, just as "ice breakers" and listen for more personal interests they mention to ask more questions about, and encourage them to open up. I just kind of picked that up, in my forties, from observing people who were well-liked in the circles I was getting involved with.

I don't generally tell people unless they seem smart and know about psychology. Otherwise they'll be like wat??? lolz ur retrded.. so yeah, I only tell people if I feel they'll understand.

When I read the title of this thread, I thought it was a thread about offing oneself... lol.

I thought that was code for "I'm gay and want people to know".

It depends - if they are asshats they'll likely use it to make fun of you or say it's a "fake disorder."

I'm not really sure about this. My therapist says I'm too high-functioning for the autistic label, but that I do have autistic features. Among them is an inability to read a lot of facial expressions and difficulty decoding body language. Normally, I wouldn't dream of mentioning this to anyone around me -- although, I have to admit realizing that most of the problem is me has been extremely helpful in dealing with communication issues -- but I'm entering a graduate program in the fall and my thesis advisor has a tendancy to stare blankly at me at times. I think he thinks he's communicating something to me with these looks, but unless he talks about it, I really don't have a clue what's on his mind. He also tries to initiate eye contact with me when I don't feel up to it, sometimes leaning over slightly to follow my eyes. It makes me pretty uncomfortable, but I really like the man and am thrilled at the chance to be working with him. I don't want to create problems by mentioning my issues, but I don't want my issues to cause problems down the line, either.

My therapist says I should "play it by ear" and if I think there's going to be an issue, then speak up, but sometimes I don't know when there's already an issue. He also said he'd be happy to write a letter for me explaining about the specific issues I have, but I'm not sure that's a good idea.

Regards,

Patricia

Last edited by pschristmas on 25 May 2009, 2:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

4chan much? Because outside of the deepest recesses of the internet, that doesn't really happen.

There was a lot of comments on the YouTube video about that Adam movie saying that and using the term "assburgers." Trolls are most places online. Of course in real life it's less likely where they can't hide behind a computer screen.

So, from time to time a troll does surface... It happens... I in theory should be having more trouble having identified myself online as transexual, but I am yet to catch flak for that, and when I do, I'm a counter-troll anyways. I don't touch 4chan though, trying to CT in a den of trolls is almost impossible.

I've never been on that site.