How many girls are there on here with AS? And...

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Does anyone else remember this?

I was about 12 when I decided I could do a better job running the country than the politicians we had, that was obvious, but I also found out about political assassinations - ie politicians that try to do the right thing by their people get assassinated one way or the other. I was 14 when I decided I didn't need to do any more school work. I ended up doing just enough to get into uni. I was also about 12 when I worked out that the school didn't really mean what it said about "truth and virtue" or developing individual spirit and talent. And that our school chaplain was considerably better off than Jesus had been when it came to material things ie he didn't practice what he preached either.

None if it made sense and I decided to do my own thing. I didn't bother with roll call or school assembly most days. I only went to lessons I felt like going to. Which was all my chosen subjects but none of the ones that didn't count towards an end of year score - like "religious education" or "phys ed". And I used to write my own sick notes when I needed a day off, and mum used to sign them. I still got good marks, although report card notes did suggest "I could do better if I applied myself".

Totally. The other girls got more sophistocated younger. I was the sort of girl who was still wearing shorts and a t-shirt and living in a dream world.



I do emotionally, but when I became interested in boys properley, I started to care about what I looked like. I'm not maternal, and find it hard to empathise also.

I hate having to make someone feel better. I always end up offending them somehow. It's all just so awkward. I never know what to say or do in situations like that.

Here girls I am another one....Now I am 16 years old being diagnosed 6 years ago...
I think the obsession between girls and boys are slightly different.... I think that sometimes people with As have better ideas than normal people...

Same. I care for plants an animals like they are people.




I don't know what to do to make someone feel better. I've learnt a bit though by watching NT's do it.

I'm an almost 33 yr old female aspie and I wish I could say that I am more creative but I'm not... I tend to be a real 'tomboy' still though.

I am female and diagnosed. I also notice a difference between myself and the only Aspie male I know well which is that I care way way more what people think about my behavior than he cares what people think about his behavior. He tends to overlook social rituals and protocol because he finds it all illogical. I tend to care what people think of my behavior and try really hard not to offend people, even if I do find their behavior illogical.

Oh, and I was also a girl genius. I tested with grade 12+ (university level) reading and vocabulary when I was 12 years old. I have stayed more or less at that level of comprehension throughout adulthood but I don't think I actually improved, just maintained that level.

I am...but not officially diagnosed yet...

interesting reading the above messages.

of course, i was a bit slower on the uptake, and things didn't really start cratering out for me until about 15 or 16 (i had a late start on adolescence and all the hormonal stuff). i had no maternal instinct whatsoever. i disliked small children and babies, and, quite frankly, preferred animals to people at that time. i didn't even like other people my age - i preferred much older people. while i had the rote skills of what i was supposed to do in basic social situations (mostly sit down in the back, and shut up and don't draw attention to yourself), the rest were extremely minimal and on the survival level only. that is, i could go to the grocers and buy food, but i couldn't really have a coherent conversation with anyone there on a topic that would have been of interest to them. not sure i could have held an actual give-and-take conversation at all, looking back on it. i also decided that school and the whole "this is how you are to be when you grow up" mindset was a sham. i walked away from as much of it as i could. (it really hasn't hurt me to have done that.)

fast-forward 10 years. i married at age 25 a man i neither loved nor felt anything for at all, because it was what was expected of me. i remained married for the next three years of my life. those were, i have to say, the most miserable three years i have ever known. i still hated small children and babies. i really didn't care particularly much if anyone needed comforting. unless it was an animal, in which case i would do almost anything for it so that it would feel better. we had to stick together, after all.

fast-forward. somewhere before 30 the hormones/mental connection/whateverthingitwas that males were useful for more than taking the trash out or changing a flat tire on the car clicked on. i had a child at age 30. maternal instinct kicked in to a tremendous degree - i would never have expected it. it was not something i controlled or intellectually debated. it simply was. it still exists. something about the experience of motherhood put me in contact with a level of myself that i didn't know was ever there, before the child. an instinctive sort of space/place/mind. quite frankly, i like it. it feels real. if i could live in that world all the time, i think i'd be a generically happy camper. it's having to come back to the artificial, social-construct-decipering place that makes life less pleasant.

i do notice that a lot of the NT women around me seem to crave "other people" approval, and that they seem to think that if they dress/look/behave in a given way they'll be "ok" people. my boss has had more work done to keep from looking her age than i would have thought possible. others are paranoid about not being seen without their makup on - their actual face doesn't seem to be good enough. they seem to think they have to wear a certain kind of clothes that are appropriate or there's something wrong with them. all of which is pretty damed weird (and sad) to me, that they have to have someone else validate their existance.

I have no maternal instinct whatsoever..
Love animals.
Feel like a robot when one of my friends breaks down though..just sit there wondering whether they'll feel patronised if I pat them on the back..

This describes me pretty well too, except I seem to have a well-developed material instinct. I have one son and I know when he's not feeling well or if something is bothering him. I guess it's the "mom radar" that's developed from years of practice.

I've always had a hard time empathizing with others on an emotional level, although I guess I know how to react on an intellectual level, just as you described above (about accessing "response menus"). I have learned over the years how to mingle with others and make small talk, although I've never liked doing either very much. My interests are decidedly un-feminine, for the most part-- my hobbies mostly lay within the realm of science. I could not possibly care less about the latest fashion trends. I don't like to sew or do crafts. I don't have an artistic bone in my body. I tend to be much more analytical than emotional, but I am very creative when it comes to puzzle-solving, I tend to be an "outside of the box" thinker and can often come up with creative solutions to problems. I accept that I was "built" this way, since I've always been this way.

I'm a 42 year old female and I have suspected I have AS for a couple of years now, although I've not been formally diagnosed. I'm mostly an occasional lurker on this board.

(I tried to load this at work but, would you believe, the filter blocked it. Stupid thing).

This is turning into a really really interesting thread. I am so glad that there are other aspie girls who don't have empathy problems and who are creative because it's the thing I keep coming up against all the time in the diagnoses (lack of imagination, blah blah). For the past five years I've written online fanfiction in one of my fandoms (and my obsessions aren't really as strong as they were when I was younger, so maybe that's something else).

OMG that totally resonated with me. I have been through that mill so many times too :S I have never believed that Aspies are immune to feelings the way people sometimes describe - I think it's the opposite, that like with our other senses, we're TOO sensitive to them. We just can't express what we're feeling as easily as NTs can. I know I get *very* upset over minor things...fights with friends can make me panic and freak out, even a criticism at work from a customer has me fighting not to cry. They kinda stay with you, too.

I wonder if that's a girly thing...

My mother has the theory that it's oestrogen related, because I improved in puberty and many Aspies apparently do...maybe?

I also agree many female aspies are probably not diagnosed.

Apple

I am female but very classic to the ASD male stereotype.
I hate it every time I see an article saying females are less stereotypically ASD than males and find it easier to work around their difficulties,this is a complete opposite to my experience.
I think part of how the person experiences ASD is due to how male or female orientated the persons' brain is,so being physically male or female doesn't mean it's a definite they are going to be one way or another,it depends on their brain type.
I like being the way I am,I've always been physically? oblivious to the gender stereotypes that are associated with certain things like computers.....so I don't have any problem with choosing what I want to do whether it's commonly associated with male or not.
I was mostly non verbal till 16, and the only girl I've ever got on with is a lot like myself,she is male brain orientated,have known her since infant school,we rarely spoke but did practical things instead-we always played computer games together or swapped games,and I still see her occasionally.



Very true,it's a common NT female [+female brained] trait.

This sounds like someone was reading my mind when they wrote it, except that "femininity" was drilled into me. That's the exact thought process I go through when I have to comfort NTs, too...thanks for putting it into words so well!

I doubt that any of us who fit the "girl genius" mold suddenly stopped being that when we hit adolescence. It's more that that's when such things stopped being encouraged. I remember guidance counselors in high school telling me I shouldn't take college classes concurrently because "girls haven't done that before" and being told that "girls don't have to take math, because they aren't good at it" when I was selecting classes. They'd tell the boys who could barely manage geometry to take calculus, but the girl with an IQ in the upper 140s to eschew it in favor of easy math and home ec. It wasn't until I was sixteen and my engineer dad was around more that I started to get encouragement in things like math again, and by then I was so far behind it just turned into a big catch-up game. I always hated how the guys' academic worth was assessed by their grades and test scores, but even if I did better, mine was still contingent on wearing the right clothes and makeup and being friendly and agreeable with everyone. I retained most of my intellectualism, but it's been a hell of a struggle, and I've grown rather cynical as a result.

I think part of the reason more (and this is a generalization that obviously may not fit those on different places on the spectrum!) female aspies are generally better able to manage social interaction is that the penalties are much higher for women who are socially awkward than for men. Men who are forceful with their ideas in a workplace are more likely to be thought of as tactless, but assertive, while women are more often just seen as shrews for the same behavior. Our success is far more contingent on making people like us and less on our talent, and we learn this early. We are forced to develop coping mechanisms at an earlier age, so it's easier for many of us to adapt as adults. I still don't get along with adult NT women, for the most part -- I find their persistent fascination with clothing, celebrities, and babies baffling, and would rather talk politics or physics with the guys any day, and I don't so much manage to function as a stereotypical female in society as I do as a somewhat restrained stereotypical male, but I'm not willing to turn into a different person so I fit someone's definition of what a woman should be.

As for the maternal instinct issue, I can say I join the ranks of those of you who don't have any. I don't mind kids for the most part, because I like their honesty and curiosity, and they tend to like me because I see them as people and not the property of their parents, but I don't want any, and I can't imagine being able to feel attached to one.

I didn't realize until you said this, how little maternal instinct I had before my daughter was born. I had her when I was 20, and I think I was too young to identify the level of maternal instinct I had compared to what would be "normal." To be honest, after giving birth, I didn't even really have it until a few hours later. After sleep and the drugs wore off - it was amazing - there was this child and I immediately had all inclination to protect her and love her and hold her and touch her. I think I became much more accepting to touch myself just by having her. Oddly, while I occasionally like playing with her cousins or other kids, for the most part, I still don't like other peoples' children. They can be too erratic for me at times. But with my daughter - and she is a normal kid - somehow I almost always know what her next action and next thought is, and I love being with her because of it. She is so much a part of me that I feel incomplete without her around.

Exactly! I'm more tolerant of other people's kids now (I no longer recommend drowning them at birth), but I understand and am entirely comfortable with mine. I hope I've done a decent job with her. She's obviously and Aspie, and I didn't follow the traditional rules when rearing her. I went on gut instinct an just gave her what she seemed to need. It kicked in about 24 hours after her birth, the instinct stuff. I was happily in my room trying to not be uncomfortable when I suddenly had to go be with her. So I shuffled down the hall in my hospital gown, crying uncontrollably, until they put me in a rocking chair and put her in my arms. They had hell getting her back away from me, later.