Blank face, can't tell stories or jokes, boring personality.

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Hey folks.

I've had a blank facial expression even in middle school. At lunch kids called me "a statue" or "a monument." I talk in logical ways and cannot tell detailed stories or jokes. I'm a very boring person to talk to and I cannot have fun socializing because of it. I have a language disorder of some kind where my knowledge and pronunciation are fine, but I sometimes I forget the word on my mind or cannot answer a question. I'm fine online. In fact, lots of my online friends find me very fun to chat with. But in life, I am very slow. People feel like they do not know me and cannot relate to me. My blank face makes them uneasy. It's a total social disability. I do not want to give up. I want to accept and figure out how to live with it, then learn new skills. I want to make friends even with people at my own level - I am not too picky. In fact, I am very empathetic and compassionate.. in my actions that is. It totally sucks because even aspies find me boring.. and yet I am more normal and functional then they are, but still much less fun. &$&*^*&%*^* damn it!

oh yeah I can relate but I dont even have someone to chat with online....I can miss that sometimes....but I know what you mean with having a boring personality..

Yep, that's practically the definition of Aspergers. I've also noticed that in person, aspies tend to not get along with each other.

one of my teachers put that I had a dry sense of humor on my portfolio which is apparently because my delivery is to serious looking. Like Spock saying yo mama jokes.

I can relate.
Most of the time I can sort-of pass.
So when I can't get it together, they think I'm choosing to be anti-social.

I can relate to the other side, too.
I have a friend who I met on-line before I met her in-person.
On line she is articulate and intelligent...
In-person she didn't talk or make eye-contact at all. I didn't know what to do with her.
If I didn't know that she was the same person, I wouldn't have made any attempt.

What I'm reading isn't boring. You seem to do fine with written words. It's probably some kind of non-verbal thing.

Remember there's a distance between people finding you boring and any actual intrinsic "boring personality". Kind of the way I find pop music REALLY boring, even though a lot of people pay huge sums to go to concerts where people are performing it. It's a matter of opinion. Even if most people thought you were boring, that would just say things about their opinions, not about you. After all, most people find statistics boring, but I love it... does that make statistics boring by a majority vote, or does that just mean there are different opinions about the subject?

"Boring" is a term that measures people's opinion. You've got to quantify exactly what about your communication isn't being successful at getting an idea from one brain to another, and find ways around whatever roadblocks exist.

I totally found the same thing, that I can react much faster on msn than I can in real life. Very interesting, must be some different part of your brain, or maybe part of my brain gets over loaded in social situations and shuts down the part that needs to respond.

I tried pretending I'm reading peoples responses and typing back to them in person, to try and put my brain in that medium even though really it's in person. It didn't work though.

I have gotten better with age, and when I'm fully charged I can hold my own in a group for about 4 minutes.

There have been some interesting studies to do with the autism spectrum and the ability to hear. Have a look at the work of Neuroplasticity by FastForward.

I did that. Well, I figured out a few huge chunks of it. It often comes down to differences so profound that there's no way to translate.
Good luck with that. All you need to do is grow a pair of wings.

Ok, for example, I have a severe allergy to fascism, dishonesty and mind control. Like, when I see a bunch of little kids being forced to recite the pledge of allegiance, I want to fly into a rage. It's so fascist and unAmerican that it should be illegal. My reaction to that is comparable to other people's reaction to the idea of a pedophile. Why would you want to twist the mind of a helpless child like that? Which part don't they get, and why does it even need an explanation?

Ummm... in most circles, that attitude doesn't work too well. Better to keep my mouth shut.

It's like watching a bunch of baboons harassing each other, all day, every day. And in-between, when they're not doing something disgusting and turn to a topic I can stand, it's hard to find my voice fast enough and jump in at the right moment before they switch to something awful again.

How about people being in fits of laughter over something you've said in a serious way, ever get that? People think I'm being funny on purpose but I was actually trying to make a serious point or observation.

I REALLY need to look into that. Thanks.

Yep, that too.
Sometimes it's better to just go with it. Maybe when they get done laughing, sometime next week or whenever, you can start over with the "but seriously, folks..."
That's really the bulk of what comedians do -- tell an unacceptable truth or make a connection that is too hard for most people.

it probably has to do with the expressioin on your face.. we just can't see our own expressions to understand other's interpretations... ya know

Yeah, or your saying it in a way that reads "deadpan humor" to them. I've done that. I usually try to roll with it.

re. your feelings at kids saying the Pledge of Allegiance... you know, that's kind of odd; I have similar feelings, not to the Pledge per se (I have no problem with giving your loyalty to a country--let's not get into the politics of it, as we'll end up arguing), but reacting to the fact that many people are saying the same thing. I react similarly to pep rallies, sports games, some concerts, some sorts of group singing (especially the birthday song), and some situations where people are reciting things in unison. Group activities where people do silly things, or being asked to greet each other in church; anything where you are expected to "join in"... It makes me feel as though the group wants to assimilate me. It's almost a sort of panic. I have no idea what causes it.

It's like trying to put a cat on a leash. I can't stand it and don't understand why they want to own my soul.

Dogs don't mind the leash. Especially if it's all they've ever known. They associate the leash with the most freedom they've ever known, and they think it's the most wonderful treat.

Even in early elementary school, I remember being repulsed by the kids around me, lapping up the empty praise and manipulation like it was candy. Why aren't you insulted? Why do you take it?

It's the same thing when I turn on the TV. What's wrong with the world? Why do they accept this crap? After listening to me rant, my teenagers almost never turn it on. It took me longer to figure it out because I was alone. (Plus I didn't have the internet or anything better to do.)

*let's bring the convesation back to substance fellow aspies

Tahitii: people assume i'm being antisocial, but i really cannot tell an interesting story. people hear me out and go "mmhhmm," look away and leave after a awkward silence.

It's easier on msn, my root problem is concentrating on a story, putting it into chronological order, picking out the details,- it takes so long and comes out so awkward that people get sooo bored! and in real life, all the non-verbals take up much of my concentration.

the roadblock is that i jump to the end of the story and just tell a short logical summary. to make it interesting, it has to be totally different. you have to introduce the setting, say who and where it takes place. paint a situation and mention how people feel at the right moments. then get the correct timing to make the story dramatic or even.. funny! i get stuck on putting the plot in order and can't think of any details to tell. i have told decent stories of my vivid experiences maybe 5 times in my entire life - when they come naturally, they work. but they never come. so the problem is really two fold

1) poverty of mind or not having noticed or thought of the details of the story in the first place
2) and the skill to put a story in your mind - introduce, use a structure for example "_____ is this in this place. and one day he dos ______. now remember that he already ______ and _____ so he feels ______..."

so maybe if i talk about something i already can tell well? and just listen and ask questions when i don't? and maybe practice fitting my thoughts into a story structure and practice telling stories i already know? i heard a joke yesterday, and i told it to my friend - planned it out, set it up by talking about the topic, then when he did not expect it i told him this funny story and he actually laughed and said "wait.. that really happened?" so it worked. i have a minimal ability i guess.

"It's easier on msn, my root problem is concentrating on a story, putting it into chronological order, picking out the details,- it takes so long and comes out so awkward that people get sooo bored! and in real life, all the non-verbals take up much of my concentration. "

I think at the end of the day it's all about practicing the skill of story telling. Maybe a video camera, and a private room where you can practice and get feedback on your presentation.

"when they come naturally, they work" - well that speaks volumes...

"I have minimal ability I guess" - maybe you have the ability - period.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Life's for learning (and for living - don't forget that bit)

Sorry. That's an example. I make a quantum leap and assume that the connections are obvious, when they are not. When you really are different, down to the bone, you need to work harder to communicate. Or decide that certain topics can't work at all.

That, too. That's a skill that comes with practice and reflection.

It's both. And it's not always easy to figure out which is which. Some topics can translate with maximum effort and skill. Some topics can't be translated, because the audience has no way to connect to it.

My argument is with the "poverty of mind" theme. I don't believe it. Your interests and understandings are different, not impoverished. Mass culture is limited to petty nonsense that the majority can understand. In some areas, I don't "get it" or need to work really hard to get it, and in other areas I do understand and am offended. Either way, my impulse is to skip over the common stuff and get to something interesting.

Analogy: Imagine someone for whom English is a second language, testing him in English only, and giving an IQ score that ignores all that he can do in Spanish. What others can see and judge is only in our weaker areas. They don't know/don't care about the good stuff. You're only allowed to play their games, on their turf, and you naturally stink at it. If you work at the second language you can improve, but you'll never totally lose the accent. With socializing, much of it can be learned (skills) and much of it just can't be learned (instincts). Figuring out the difference is a life-long project.

That's so true. You mentioned somewhere about a time limit. Usually, the shorter a story is, the better. Sometimes I can jump right in without thinking about it. When I'm self-conscious, it's because I already know at some level that this story is unlikely to work.