Responding to compliments, difficulties?

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I find hard responding too. I usually just say "thanks... " or give credit to someone else. After it's happened I actually quite like it, but at the time it's really awkward and difficult!

My husband says that I dont take compliments well because I have low self esteem. It is really hard for me to believe any compliments, usually I say "no Im not" or something like that. I reject the compliment=P

when i was younger i had no understanding of compliments or reciprocity in this manner.

I learned at around 40 that i could say thank you and also say something nice at times, in return...merely as a process of "bonding" and good manner. Often I do not feel anything, but i have learned to do it. I like that I can do so these days, on occasions.

just smile

I'll say thank you if it seems innocent and genuine. Also I prefer it to come from people I know well.

Yeah, compliments are tough. I actually love getting compliments and love to know that I am making other people happy. It's having to deal with strangers coming up to me and saying things like, "Dude, you're awesome!" and stuff that like that can be intimidating.

If you put yourself in the performance spotlight, you learn to get over that, eventually, at least to the point that it's workable. Basically, saying, "Thank you, glad you enjoyed yourself," works almost all of the time. If I can avoid them, though, I prefer that.

When I get complimented, I usually don't care about it, unless it comes from an expert in the field.

Last edited by Pascal on 03 Jul 2009, 6:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

I used to do this as well and someone eventually told me that it made me sound arrogant, so I stopped saying it. Now I just say thanks although if I think the person is incorrect about what they are saying about me, I'll really want to tell them so but I've been told that that would seem like, to the other person, that I don't appreciate their compliment.

Actually, it's not a good heart winning technique but...

Some things are not that important ... "Yeah" or "thank you" for instance

I think I'm a little better at taking compliments than I was before. Alot of the time I don't believe them, so if I say thank you it probably comes off as insincere. If you're a friend, then sometimes I'll call you a liar, but lately, I just try to take it and say thank you and hope that you're being honest. One time I was paid a compliment by a friend/acquaintance, and I said, "I don't know how to respond to that," and she said "you say thank you." I felt really dumb after that. I usually don't know how to respond to comments regarding looking nice, because sometimes I think that it's a joke. One time I was reading when someone next to me said something nice about me to someone else, and continued to read and pretended that I hadn't heard anything. Out of the corner of my eye I think I saw him shake his head or something. We talked after that, but they probably think I'm weird. [shrug]

I also feel weird giving people compliments even if I do mean it and really want to tell them. I do like getting them, I guess I'm just too paranoid to believe what people tell me.

Yep. I am grateful to hear it yes. But like responding to it, I'm not sure how to. I just get embarrassed and almost feel undeserving of it. I usually after seconds later come to my senses enough to say thank you, but not everyone leaves that seconds of a window open for me to come around.

Though, the ones that are kinda cliche in my life, like "your eyes are beautiful" I tend to respond with "I know " Some dudes are like, sorry . Then I'm like, oh, I meant "Thanks "

As far as I know, I never respond to compliments in any other way than saying: thanks, if I feel that I can receive it.

Like many I've trained myself to say thanks, however instances where it's supposed to reciprocated I tend to be at a total loss. I know there have been places where you're supposed to exchange compliments just on the assumption that it's being nice. But quickly and sincerely delivering a compliment is seemingly beyond me and the few times I've tried have some as rather fake, at least to me.

Best thing I can think of in a reciprocating situation is to take a moment and study what is supposed to be complimented (clothes, looks, project, car, whatever) and use the time to come up with a plausible sounding "I'm don't know exactly what it is about it, but I like it".

90% of the time when someone gives you a compliment, they're trying to spark up conversation because you did something that interested them. If you've got obvious and sever Aspergers, and a stranger gives you a compliment, take that opportunity to start a conversation with them as reciprocation. This is easy, cause if someone compliments you right away, you've got a bit of a margin to actually brag without sounding like a fool! Usually I say "Thank you!" and turn my body until I'm facing them directly, and start a conversation. Don't say "Thanks" unless you can use your voice tone to convey that you aren't quickly dismissing their compliment as a failed attempt to flatter you (Go for a cheerful raise in pitch, starting around the pronunciation of the 'a').

If its a cute girl and you're a guy, here's what you should do after that compliment:

1.) Assume that she's into you. She doesn't want to strip you down right away but she saw something in you that interesting. Don't be a dumbfuck and let your self-defeating Asperger insecurity tell you anything different. IF SOMEONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX COMPLIMENTS YOU, YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, even if you're being quirky and weird. By then she doesn't give a damn. If anything, she thinks its cute!
2.) Make strong, but not crazy eye contact.
3.) Think about the quality about you that she complimented. This is your LIFELINE into a conversation. If she tells you that you have great style of clothing, she's interest in either fashion in general or your fashion. So start talking about it. Don't go on some huge monologue, give a brief few sentences then SHUT THE f**k UP and let her carry the conversation.
4.) Listen. Listen. Only say things that will make her talk more about HER interests. You'll have time for yourself later.
5.) Touch her arm or shoulder for a few seconds

There you go. Not only do you break through awkwardness, you're getting to know someone, even if you seem like an unemotional bore cause of your medical problems.

If your a girl and a cute guy compliments you, you can use the same basic algorithm, although you aren't expected to shut up.

Try remembering this routine when you're being complimented:

Their compliment --> You say "Thank you" with voice AND body ---> Quick info from you on the subject they complimented you on ---> Get them to start talking about things their interested in

Just following this in the beginning makes you seem a million times more charming, friendly, harmless, and confident right off the bat. So when he/she does start noticing your quirks, they'll either look past them or think their cute. If you start of sounding like a closed off jerk acting like a nice guy, they'll see everything you do as distrustful and slimebagish. Bye Bye.

If you don't give a s**t about what their talking about, talk about it anyway until they give you the opportunity to explore other subjects so you CAN find commonalities.

Hope this helps you guys, cause it helped me in reducing those awkward moments and actually got me more than I thought I could. I learned this through reading Michael Pilinski's Without Embarrassment and and trying it out on a bunch of NT's.

I have big time trouble taking compliments. I have a pretty good grasp on a lot of social norms, but this is not one of them.

I usually say thank you, and quickly think of something I like about them, and compliment them too.

It makes me feel "raw" though.

I can not handle very personal compliments. My mother once said the thing she most liked about me was my honesty/integrity. I could NOT handle that. I had to go and cry in private. I would actually rather people did not compliment me like that, when I want to feel that raw, I'll stick a knife in my lower intestine.