Why is it easier for NTs to feign?

Post Reply New Topic

i'm not in the habit of showing of my personality or deeds and not in the habit of telling other people what to do and how they should behave
preffer to leave such crap to the NT as it's seems they enjoy doung it all the time
i offered my explanation to the question posted as i can see that many NT actions and reactions stems from flawed or distorted memory
or inconsideration for the long term implications

folks here tend to see reactions like mine as sign of hatred or a claim to supremacy but i think we must ask ourself if we are willing to dispose such obvious,critical and essential data in order to feign modesty or what ever the right attitude we suppose to have in such matter.
AS existence is torturous as we face injustice,ignorance,neglect and abuse from the day we are born
to me,ignoring facts is more self righteousness and fake than admitting them
no one in their right mind would consider an anti slavery movement or the struggle of the African-American to equality and fair and unbiased treatment to be based on supremecy sentiments.
personally and i've never treated another human being as if I'm superior to him and i never forced or command anyone to do or behave in the a way which fits me{excluding my service in the army off course which is obligatory in my country}
but i was treated as inferior countless times
many AS are treated as inferior almost instinctively just because we behave and look a little different
in light of that i find the reactions i get in this thread so typically ironic and out of touch with reality it feels like waste of time talking to u guys which is also a very common sentiment among AS and perhapes also serve to explain why many of us,including me,seldom talk at all

[my first language is Hebrew, please excuse my crappy English]

I could swear after reading the first few lines of your post that it was a Jew talking about antisemitism, even before I got to the army service line. That's the only reason why I came to live in this country - at least here I'm not part of TWO persecuted minorities.

U might want to try see thing behind what they appear to be
for example:
a person who is "out there" and is reacting and touching and talking with everyone,all the time,is not necessarily more interested in prople or caring about them than a shy person who keeps a distance,
unfortunatly,yours is too common mistake and as such it is making life a living hell for too many good people
i get that being shallow and conforming to the current views of society works very well for most of the people but as i see it being selective at human contacts points to more caring and points to deeper interest in human/
the fact that such obvios observation is still shocking to most people is very sad indeed/

the bit about the soul is not to be taken seriously,
every on have a soul,even NT's,
being inconsiderate,liar,violent,stupid or shallow doesn't imply u don't have a soul
it is just a sign u are an average person who has adapted very well and is very fitting to live in the sociery as of now/

well said =) . And I might as well go ahead and ask:

?את/ה מישראל, נכון

the only hate is in your head,
mine was a factual observation which could be backed by countless facts,
forum like this were created so the "like minded" people could try and develop their identity as this opportunity is denied for them in the conforming society u belong to.
labeling any honest observation as a claim to supremacy or as simple hatred is nonconstructive and is very similar to the reactions some of us get daily in "real life",
people might agree but only "deep down" as they are to afraid of reactions such as the one above.
i never claimed or was interested in asserting me supremacy
on the contrary
almost every NT i met was too eager to assert my inferiority and i believe such experience is shared by too many of us
i really do not care about such crap and,more than that,
i learned that me not caring about hierarchies is one of the things that makes me different and as such a constant victims to the Hippocratic so called humblness of most NT's
typically, they behave as if they were modest with out sensing their tone and reactions points other wise
and that exactly what you do

too many people mistake AS to be hatred filled psychopaths because the tend to keep private and have some harsh criticism toward the norm
but
if you read some of the millions messages at this boards and others like this and u r capeable of inferring any thing from data u'll get and hear what i'm trying to convey here
some how i don't believe u can
anyway the fact is that many of us
including me
are leading a peaceful life and although isolated we never cause harm to no one and contribute quite a bit to society in our fields of experties
yes
it is possible to live with out small talk and white lies and to be honest and helpful with out pretending to be what u r not and with out selling yourself
all u have to do is learn hard and be good at what u do
NT's might use u and earn more for doing less but at least u get to feel like an human being/

תודה

נכון

You know, this is a good point. I had an Aspie rant but not against the Aspies themselves...rather, by the parents and professionals involved. But now I feel rather bad about it in light of this statement. It's true. We probably DO all know (or many of us probably know, anyway) the feeling of being "subtly" compared. Especially in childhood, but even in adulthood. That subtle moving away because you said or did the wrong thing...Eeew. That person is...different...

But that person is probably many of us, AS and ASD alike, and even the non-DXd...good point. I'm going to think about this some more. Thanks for bringing it up.

I used to think there is some similarities,
perhaps it is the instinctive fear and rejection toward the "different",
i used to feel the panic in people eyes as they struggle to sort me out
many NT's told me I'm impossible to grasp and i look quite normal (i'm beautiful ,really) and very quite and reserved person

AS might have few other things in common with Jews:
tendency toward abstractions
chozpa(we don't care about rules and common sens)
strange sense of humor
...

Last edited by nara44 on 02 Jul 2009, 9:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

To those who call us haters...I believe I have every right to be resentful of NTs, I have 50 years of torture from them to justify my feelings. However, it's not hatred. Don't confuse between the two.

And may I ask, could we go back to the original question of the thread? I'm still curious as to what people think.

Thank you / תודה

Hmmm (re: NTs "feigning")...what if they're not? My sister is all bubbly and giggly and sing-song but she...really is all those things. She would walk up and talk to a panting stranger in a long trench coat rather than spend 7.5 minutes ALONE on line at the Quick Check. (Well, not literally...that's a joke...but close enough...) I mean...she really is like that! She's not pretending to be a social butterfly who knows all the right things to say...she really is a social butterfly, and she really does know all the right things to say, and likes saying them.

And then again, I knew someone once who was shy, but I wouldn't say, even in retrospect with what I know now, that she seemed to be "on the spectrum" anywhere...but she said when she met new people, she pretended she was in a play or movie where she was "playing" a character meeting a new person. And interestingly, I've done the same thing.

The mechanisms may be similar for both NTs and non-NTs if you can make that sharp delineation...I don't know...hard to say...but that would be my guess: that A) it's not so much overall feigning in the first place for someone who's naturally very social, and B) that NTs probably have some trouble in new situations too.

Maybe NT's have an easier time with willful suspension of disbelief. They're not even aware of how dishonest they are while their brains are working in auto-pilot mode. The white lies they come up with and moments of feigning/acting come so automatically that they aren't even thinking about it. Aspies do more deliberate thinking and less thinking in autopilot mode because of the way are brains are wired to hyper-focus. We are acutely aware of the difference between our real personality and "acting". The awareness gets in the way. Being phony causes too much cognitive dissonance for us. NT's can tune it out.

NowhereWoman, that sounds quite logical... Maybe it's easier for them also because they don't have the added problem of being clueless to the non-verbal...

Greentea wrote:

Because their mind is dissociative. Kind of like an actors mind. A good actor can be anyone at anytime.

I'm curious as to what you call torture. I'm not trying to make light up what you've been through, I'm just trying to get a better understanding.

I agreed with a good bit of what you said until you got to the part about the apology. When you do something bad, you should feel bad for doing it, and then you should apologize. This is what is being taught here. You're supposed to be sorry for stealing someone's toy. You're supposed to be sorry for hitting someone. This is right and wrong and that's the lesson. However, if you haven't learned that you should be sorry for doing wrong, then you're gonna have a lot of problems as an adult, maybe even do jail time.

Do you have/are you AS? ASD? Just curious. Anyway, not to answer for the poster, but I can give input as another person who has felt "tortured" at times, though not all the time. For me, as a child, getting beaten up for being "weird", getting jeered at for reading too much, for "daydreaming" on the bus instead of integrating, etc. made school sheer hell some years (until eighth grade, when I embarked on a campaign to teach myself how to act like the other kids).

It also resulted in extreme punishment on the part of my family (including very physical punishment, especially being beaten in the head to "knock some normalcy" into it, etc.) because they were THAT horrified, devastated, disgusted and embarrassed by a child who was physically clumsy, didn't seem to know how to make friends, was "the weirdo," etc. Down to being called the cancer of the family because the rest of the family was "healthy" but my "weirdness" was "eating into" that healthy part. I'm almost 42 now and, though I'm told I'm pretty, to this day I feel like an unspeakably ugly disease...that kind of stuff stays with you...therapy or no.

Always being the one alone in the lunch room...going up to someone to say hi because you've been threatened into making friends... having her give you a look you don't understand, then turn to her friends, whisper something and have them all giggle loudly, and wanting to die on the spot...being constantly compared to a "nice, normal" sibling...having even holidays ruined because somehow you said the wrong thing in a social situation and didn't know it...I don't blame other people for these times, and I DO have happy childhood memories too. Some of it was fun. Some of it was really nice! But when that poster said "torture", yes, I can fully understand it. I hope this has helped you understand too.

Last edited by NowhereWoman on 02 Jul 2009, 11:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.