Diagnosed later in life....Do you tell people?

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This is something that’s been on my mind a lot lately, ever since I first identified myself as an aspie. The first and only other person I’ve told about it so far is a friend from work, who has some background in clinical psychology and so was knowledgeable about the condition and very accepting. This felt like a milestone for me. Now I’m considering how I might tell my employer about it, in the hope that they’ll allow me to do work that fits me better, since now part of my job involves calling people up and asking for information, which I am terrible at and which really stresses me out. I don’t think I would have a problem telling most people, and actually would rather get it all on the table, since people would probably have an easier time accepting my differences if I provide an explanation for them. Then there is my parents, both of whom quite obviously show aspie traits, but I can’t remember them ever offering AS as a possible explanation either for my behavior or theirs, so it might come as a shock to them. I’ve also been considering the possibility of getting a formal diagnosis, if for no other reason then to be able to produce proof of my condition in case it is required.

My wife was with me when diagnosed, as she did all the research and calling the psychologist, I never would have gone alone.

Other than that I have told my long-time boss and father. My wife has let much of her close family know (I am still uncomfortable with this). However, they have been confused by me often in the past so I know it helps (such as my lack of visible enthusiasm over gifts received). The family has known me my entire life as I am without a label of any sort, it doesn't make much difference to them I would imagine.

Overall, I am surprised by how many people even know the term as 'Asperger's', as I had never heard of it before this year. I don't feel the need to tell people now that I know. I have adjusted pretty well and can avoid the things that cause issues. More than anything, just having the confirmation, and perspective to understand that people don't think the same as I do, has turned my social abilities around for the better.

I told my closest family and my husbands parents and siblings....they in their turn told the rest of the family kinda...they took it very diffrent, the best was the triumf against my mum, who I had felt a lot of pressure from but she was also the one who was least surprise and mostly expected it
After some years into the "disability system" Im fed up with beeing part of that and will from now on not tell anyone at workplaces, schools and similuar because I need to be myself without people knowing about my diagnosis. If I get any problems, then I can cosider to tell....

Likewise

I am the same. However, I have a very unconventional and eccentric life, and I am often largely unaware of how others perceive me on the spot ( i have to go away and decipher social exchanges because I am too slow to absorb them at the time,) and so I never really know how people take in the information.

But for me, the personal is the political. I have a very strong social justice approach in my life, and so i like to let people know. I also do not know HOW to conceal it. I do not have a mind that even thinks in terms of a concealment of such an issue. Some people actually have enough wherewithall of other people (ToM) to consider a witholding of information because of HOW the information may be received or interpreted?
I cannot even grasp thinking in terms of such a strategy. it is entirely foreign to me. entirely foreign.

(but i do and can keep a secret if it is requested of me directly and literally. )

Diagnosis at 40 was the most important thing that ever happened to me giving me confidence and got rid of my self loathing. Friends and family would rather hold on to a rather negative image of me than accept it.

I conceal the issue from my family because I have little idea how they will react. All I have to go on is my parents' behaviour, in that they have always denied or minimized my issues. There is a complete block within me preventing me from mentioning it explicitly. I also cannot imagine what it would accomplish. I feel no emotional or intellectual closeness with my family and keep the maximum distance possible between us. I have no friends and the only people I tell now are involved in medical and other services.

This.

(Even though I didn't find out later in life, I was 11)

My family knows and my friends know. My extended family doesn't and I'm not sure if I want to tell them or have them just think I am the way I am because I'm me; the strange quiet younger sister/niece/auntie.

I want to let a few bands I'm close to know, because I consider them as friends.

The only person I did tell that I didn't really know (I was drinking at the time) told me his best friend is aspie, so we actually got talking about it.

I'm sure I have AS although I haven't been diagnosed yet, but I plan to get tested. My parents are both deceased and I am not sure I want to tell my siblings. They are all married; I'm not, because I have not only AS but androphobia (fear of men, most likely because my father abused me for nearly 15 years, and since I had AS, the effect was far worse than if I'd been "normal" -- abuse is after all, an intense physical invasion). I have an aversion to physical contact, which I'm sure my father made worse, so intimacy has never been an option for me. I can tolerate being touched only over my clothes, and I have to see it coming. Skin-to-skin contact disgusts and horrifies me, except with children and animals. I've never had a date or a kiss or sex. I have two loving and lovely cats and that's who I cuddle with.

About telling or not telling my siblings: My sister has a very crude, boorish husband and if I tell her, she will tell him, and he's bound to make nasty remarks about it. He's done that before about other things. My younger brother has a habit of trying to take over every situation and boss people around to the point of obnoxiousness (when our mother was terminally ill he was bossing the nurses around), so I don't want to tell him because he'll assume he should take charge of "helping" me with it, and he can't. I have one other brother who lives many miles away and whom I see less than once a year. Here's how sensitive he is: Recently I had to call him about something and just to make chit-chat I mentioned I was working as a temporary secretary for a divorce lawyer, and I was learning a lot about how hard divorce is. He said "Well, YOU'LL never have to go through that unless you divorce your cats!" I just responded with a joke. It wasn't worth fighting about since I see him so rarely.

My siblings are not exactly loaded with grace or finesse, as you can see, so I doubt I'll tell them.

I've told my close friends, but not my family. I don't talk to them too much, mainly during the obligatory holiday phone calls since they're all in another state.

i haven't told my parents as i've had no contact with them in years.

i told my two older sisters. one took it well from the offset, the other is dealing with it better now.

i also told a few close friends and sort of accidently some not so close friends. all of them took it very well except surprisingly one of my closest friends who kinda just seemed to ignore the information. he didn't ask any questions or seem interested in continuing the conversation. and he flat out refused to believe that i have dyscalculia.

my other friends were more interested. they wanted to know more about AS and autism.

I dont know if i am going to tell my parents or not. I was officially diagnosed last Friday and in the words of the doc "Aspergers is like a puzzle, some people have some of the pieces and if you have around 80 % of the pieces like the edges and corners then you probably have it. In your case you have all of the pieces" My parents are up here visiting and they will likely dismiss or try to cover up my 'coming out' to them. I remember when i was in sixth grade i got sent to an occupational therapist and had to do a heap of tests that ended up with me practicing social integration by making leather wallets with other kids. I later found a form hidden in my mothers stuff about these tests that diagnosed me as being mildly autistic. My parents never discussed this with me and kept it hidden. if i hadnt found the form i would have never known. I think they would probably be ashamed of me on some level even though i am now 35, married, employed and studying for a masters degree.

I have told my sisters, one believes me but took a while to come to accept my 'Coming out'.
The other sister thinks "i'm staging it all" (she has never believed my perspective on anything??! ! and refuses to talk to me as of 2004 because "...Imake her feel sick...")
This attitude hurt.

My friends - I have told only a few.
My broader family...cousins, etc - I see more AS traits there, but have gingerly talked about AS with one member. Those members have been involved in a survival of the fittest attitude as knowledge wasn't available to them and they (like me ) don't/didn't recognise self as so different from mainstream because of the avid survival focus. But all NTs did/do.

I got tired of the repetition of stranger responses to me and their view of
my personality' that led me to a psychologist.

I am telling work now that i am AS- but they don't show signs of a desire to understand.
I am pursuing other work and I'm being upfront about myself and my human model type.
I've been aware of "being hidden" all my life= that's not how I want tolive the rest of it.
So I'm out for the freedom of being who i am.
Perhaps politically naive...but that's not new for me anyways.
Cheers everyone- for the moment that is.

I was diagnosed at age 21, which isn't terribly late. The reason I sought a diagnosis is that I was getting stuck in life,s o after the dx, I did tell other people.

I've told my wife, who didn't really believe me to begin with, but good enough she has been reading the books I've been giving her and has decided I might be right.

Aside from that I've only told one person, someone at work who I get on with fairly well and who I happen to know has a little boy who is an absolutely classic Little Professor - exactly what Central Casting would supply (though as yet I don't think he has a diagnosis). She was OK, but hasn't really mentioned it again since, and so neither have I.