First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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I do this kind of thing when I'm alone, much more than when I'm with friends. This may be more an introvert/extrovert difference, but I don't know.

I love getting this feeling from people, like somehow I've transformed their emotions. I get it when I play for dances. Apparently this is common for people with AS. Since we have a harder time outwardly relating, we choose to do things which inwardly have an effect.

Most of these traits are mine as well. My visual/spacial thinking ability and my ability to intuitively see abstractions and make broad inferences is far more impressive than my ability to express myself clearly with words. I often find language frustrating and inadequate.

Sometimes when under stress or just trying to take in or do too much, I can only withstand a certain amount of input whether that's someone talking to me or irregular noise or whatever, anything more than that just registers to my mind as a source of stress. That's when I want to go lie in a dark room and be left alone.

How long? I never notice..

For me anyway, not talking to me excessively, or just accepting that I need some alone time is fine.

This vaguely makes sense to me. It's something I used to experience more before I entered my recent depression. My way of feeling connected has always been through shared experience. Even when I was as young as four I had an intense craving to share my special interests and try to get other people to experience the same joy from them as I did. When I witness something that I think is special/beautiful, something that has a romantic significance in my mind, I feel pretty euphoric when someone else is witnessing the same thing right beside me.

For me, it usually lasts for a few hours or like a day or so. It happens when I'm in a situation where I have to deal with people I don't know well for a long period of time, (the one that really drains me ATM is this history class.. it's a 4-hour class, none of my friends are taking it, and we have to work in groups) because it's just so much WORK to talk to people, (a ton of thought and concentration goes into it) and it's stressful and usually plows my self-confidence into the ground.
What my NT friends can do.. it depends on how well I know them. If they're in the very-good-friend zone, just acting like they normally do towards me will help cheer me up. But if I don't know them well enough to feel REALLY comfortable around them, being with them will just perpetuate my mood, because I'll still feel like I have to stay on my toes all the time even if I like the person. I would prefer to just be invisible for a little while.

YES, I definitely feel like this. I was really surprised when I heard about my diagnosis, actually, since I didn't know anything about ASDs and I didn't feel like my problems were real enough to warrant a real diagnosis. I mean, I went to "special" school and everything and had several psychiatrists when I was a kid, but I guess I thought that was normal. And even though I'm having a really hard time finding a job and managing my life in general, it still feels like it's just not even a real problem. Like I'm a lazy jerk who should just suck it up or something. I keep wondering to what extent those people on Encyclopedia Dramatica are right about all of this.
You know, sort of, but not really.
But then again yeah really.

I don't even knooow. ~A~

I have a few questions that I hope anyone with Asperger's Syndrome could answer:

1. What exactly do you feel when you make eye contact with someone? (I can understand anxiety from it - that's the definition of shyness that many people without ASD's experience. I was wondering however if there was something else to the feeling that only a person with autism experiences.)

2. Specifically, what sorts of nonverbal expressions do you have trouble with using/understanding?

2a. A friend of mine has Asperger's Syndrome and doesn't seem to have a problem with many of the expressions that are common in everyday communication (ie. nodding to signify 'yes' or waving to greet someone). The main thing that I notice with him is that he never seems to 'catch on' when I'm not in a talking mood or when I'm trying to concentrate on something and don't want a distraction. Is this an example of difficulty in ascertaining the emotions of others?

3. What is your sense of humor like? What sorts of things do you find funny? Do you laugh when you find something humorous or just keep it all inside?

----for fun (all optional)----

4. Do you like reading? If so, what sorts of literature are you into?

5. Have you ever had a date? If so, describe the experience. (optional)

6. Do you have any Aspie friends? Do you have any Neurotypical friends? Under which category do you find the person/people you can count on the most?

7. Do you have a "topic of extreme focus"? If so, what is it and how long have you had this special interest?

Wow, these are all very interesting questions!

1. What exactly do you feel when you make eye contact with someone?

My main problem with eye contact is that I don't seem to need it, so I forget to make it. But when I remember to make it, often I don't have a problem with it, and sometimes it can feel like looking at the sun or a very strong light.

2. Specifically, what sorts of nonverbal expressions do you have trouble with using/understanding?

Excellent question! The difference in your 2 examples is that in the first, it's easy because we're taught that a nod means yes and a shake of the head means no. In the second example, no one teaches you how to detect if someone wants to be left alone, and Aspies can't figure it out for themselves. The non-verbal we have trouble with is NOT your gesture for wanting to be left alone, but the fact that there's no verbal teaching of the meaning of this kind of gestures, so when you do it, we don't get it.

3. What is your sense of humor like? What sorts of things do you find funny? Do you laugh when you find something humorous or just keep it all inside?

The absurd makes me laugh, candid remarks amidst a sea of social phoniness make me laugh, also sarcasm. I'm known for loving a good laugh, and I laugh a lot, good belly laughter, even when I'm alone.

4. Do you like reading? If so, what sorts of literature are you into?

Nowadays I don't read books anymore. I read on the web, a whole lot, and about any subject that comes to mind that arouses my curiosity - from sushi to Greek Mythology or anything else. But my special interest is travel.

5. Have you ever had a date? If so, describe the experience. (optional)

Tons and tons of dates in my life. The experience was never any different from that of NT women.

6. Do you have any Aspie friends? Do you have any Neurotypical friends? Under which category do you find the person/people you can count on the most?

No friends at all. I'd like to have friends to cooperate with, help and support each other, people I could be equal to and no mind games, no political, herd, pecking order games. And I need deep people, can't stand shallowness.

7. Do you have a "topic of extreme focus"? If so, what is it and how long have you had this special interest?

They've changed throughout my life, currently it's taking photos in places with a soul. I was once hooked on Italy for a few years, then became hooked on France for another few years, now it's my own country's places with a soul. But I've had more special interests before these.

Discomfort and distraction; often fear and anxiety.



I have had a couple of very apparent, less informal dates with one particular person.

My date was someone at university who had not dated before but seemed to know how to organise such things. One day, he took me on the London Eye. Afterwards, he took me to some upmarket place for lunch. He was very blunt and informed me that he had not enjoyed the day. I had not interacted or expressed enjoyment and he said my company had been boring.

On another date, he first took me to a cigar shop where there were many elderly gentlemen discussing cigars. I had finished my final exams that day and the exhaustion made me even more withdrawn. He took me to an expensive restaurant he had booked. During the meal, he told me that he hoped the gesture did not give the impression he liked me. I was more innocent and naive in those days and he did not like it. He told me that I was extremely patronizable. I agreed with his assessment.

A few weeks later, after similar incidents, he ended things, saying my existence did not matter to him so there was no point being with me. At least I always knew where I stood with him.

I honestly think this thread needs to expand and become a new forum.

It's a brilliant idea, but as a single thread, individual questions and the replies will get buried...

As a whole forum it would be far easier to find them.

M.

I'm diagnosed PDD-NOS, not Aspergers. I'm on the autism spectrum so I'll call myself aspie for practical purposes.


I tend to make eye contact now as an adult. As a child I just didn't see the point. It didn't ever occur to me by habit. When I forced myself to do it I didn't feel like I could think as clearly. I only gave eye contact when I was mad, i.e. staring someone down.

Now I tend to give more eye contact when listening but I still don't give much while speaking. It's distracting - too much visual input at once.


Honestly I have no idea. I don't even know if I have a problem in this area. I notice other peoples emotions just fine. I'm almost too sensitive in this regard. In larger groups (4+ people) I sometimes sense that I'm missing things but I can't quite put my finger on what they are. I sometimes get the feeling that NT's are being rude to me - excluding me and not letting me get a word in - yet if I bring the issue up directly or show irritation they deny it. The precise timing of speach seems really important to NT's in large groups. It's a futile effort for me though because I can't think of things to say immediatly on cue. I can't speak without thinking first.


I don't have this exact problem. If I see a negative reaction I don't persist. My issue is over generalizing. On a gut level I'm always thinking people don't like me when they show me negative body language. I have to use my intellect to realize that it's merely an inconvenient time - that the person's unreceptiveness doesn't mean they hate me. I used to be overly sensitive/defensive and take great offense to being ignored. Now I've learned to intellectualize it.


I have a sense of humor, though it can be somewhat dark / twisted. My jokes always have a somewhat deadpan delivery and people often miss that I'm joking.

My main issue with humor is timing. I rarely laugh right when everyone else does. Sometimes I'll keep thinking and chuckling about a joke that was said some time ago. When I find something extremely funny I perseverate on it - can't really help that. If I only laugh when everyone else laughs I feel like I'm being phony. I'd rather be genuine. I don't understand why humor has to conform to social rules. It takes all the fun out of it.

1. What exactly do you feel when you make eye contact with someone?

I don't really have this problem much. But I think I used to be sort of like greentea said.. I just didn't automatically make it, I had to learn to.

2. Specifically, what sorts of nonverbal expressions do you have trouble with using/understanding?

Uuuh.. for me, when I get confused about the nonverbal undercurrent is when there is a group of people. I have trouble noticing how everyone is relating to everyone else and so I often don't know what we're thinking as a group. I think it might be because it just doesn't occur to me to pay that much attention to them. I don't know if this really counts as an answer to your question. XD;;

3. What is your sense of humor like? What sorts of things do you find funny? Do you laugh when you find something humorous or just keep it all inside?

greantea: "The absurd makes me laugh, candid remarks amidst a sea of social phoniness make me laugh..." good ones, greantea. I don't know, lots of things are funny. I laugh at lots of things. Well, sometimes I just smile, it depends on where I am I guess.

4. Do you like reading? If so, what sorts of literature are you into?

I like crazy epic adventure stuff, horror, comedy.. I also like weird books that are sort of like a performance, like this book House of Leaves. It pretends to be a compilation of real information about a weird house that grows and eats cats, and the biography of the guy who found it. I have several books like that.

Right now though I'm reading Moby Dick. Oooh, a classic. No one tells you it's hilarious.

5. Have you ever had a date? If so, describe the experience. (optional)

Oooonce or twice. D: I don't think I worked very hard at them. One guy smoked a strawberry flavored cigar. That's all I remember from that date.

6. Do you have any Aspie friends? Do you have any Neurotypical friends? Under which category do you find the person/people you can count on the most?

I don't really knnnnoooow. I can't tell what's ASD and what's NT, and I don't ask. I think my mom said my best friend is HFA, but we never talk about that stuff. And I think my other two best friends are NT. Actually I'm certain they are. And they're all great friends, really. The things that make me enjoy my friends are disconnected from the ASD/NT categories, so it doesn't matter, really. Maybe ASD ones are more loyal, sort of, but that's not really one of my criteria.

7. Do you have a "topic of extreme focus"? If so, what is it and how long have you had this special interest?

Art. That's mostly it. Forever. :]

I have a few questions that I hope anyone with Asperger's Syndrome could answer:

1. What exactly do you feel when you make eye contact with someone?

Fear, I'm wondering what you want from me so badly that you had to stare at me. I could probably give the information people wanted easily without looking at them once.

2. Specifically, what sorts of nonverbal expressions do you have trouble with using/understanding?

All of the more subtle ones. I've finally learned that arms being crossed doesn't mean their cold, especially in a well heated room. But I might offer a sweater just in case they ARE cold (just to be sure...). But I do recognize more visible 'angry' faces and 'I'm not listening' faces.

3. What is your sense of humor like? What sorts of things do you find funny? Do you laugh when you find something humorous or just keep it all inside?

Pure literal humour. Puns mostly. I have whole lists of cheesy puns on my computer. But the absurd and sarcastic makes me laugh too. I remember laughing at a joke and I was about to get wheeled in a room for tooth surgery. I can't hold back my laughter well, and its loud. lol.

4. Do you like reading? If so, what sorts of literature are you into?

I read every single day, and I read everything I can get my mitts on. A little bit of everything, fiction or not.

5. Have you ever had a date? If so, describe the experience. (optional)

Yes, a dozen of them at least. I got bored easily and left most of them early to do other things of interest. Dates in general are boring if I'm sitting down longer than twenty minutes.

6. Do you have any Aspie friends? Do you have any Neurotypical friends? Under which category do you find the person/people you can count on the most?

I have five friends. Two of them are bi-polar, one is paranoid, another is ADHD, and one is NT to the max. I really stress out my NT friend to the max in public so I think she will be leaving me eventually... Ironically, the paranoid one is the most reliable. He's terrified to do it, but he does it!

7. Do you have a "topic of extreme focus"? If so, what is it and how long have you had this special interest?

Space. I've been obsessed since I could read. It's my forever love.

I have a question for an NT:

Is there any way for NT's and AS's to coexist in real happiness, not the faked kind?

Will there always be a brick wall between the two since Aspergers has no cure and by rights is just a personality type?

Janissy, I sent you a PM. Please read it?